Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

Please register or login

Welcome to ScubaBoard, the world's largest scuba diving community. Registration is not required to read the forums, but we encourage you to join. Joining has its benefits and enables you to participate in the discussions.

Benefits of registering include

  • Ability to post and comment on topics and discussions.
  • A Free photo gallery to share your dive photos with the world.
  • You can make this box go away

Joining is quick and easy. Log in or Register now!

1000801_682117321817724_686369651_n.jpg
 
An elderly couple in their 70's were about to get married.
She said: I want to keep my house.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to keep my Cadillac.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to have sex 6 times a week.
He said: Put me down for Fridays.
 
>Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf,
>one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning,
>roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course,
>meet his buddies and play a round.
>
>His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do
it! We'll make it a priority;
>figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."
>
>Months later, that
special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
>The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune!
>I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
>
>The
second guy says, "I spent a ton too.
>My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her.
>She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
>
>The third guy says "Well my wife is
at home admiring her new car,
>reading the manual."
>
>They all turned to the last guy in the group who is
staring at them
>like they have lost their minds.
>"I can't believe you all went to such expense for
this golf game.
>I slapped my wife on the back side and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas!
>It's a great morning -- intercourse or golfcourse --'
>
>She said, “Don’t forget
your
sweater.”
 
From TheOatmeal.com

scuba.jpg
 
A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne
> >> Maynard, has sued St. Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband was
> >> treated there recently, he had lost all interest in sex. A hospital
> >> spokesman
> >> replied, "Mr. Maynard was actually admitted into Ophthalmology - all we
> >> did
> >> was correct his eyesight..."
 
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center,and
> rolled down the car windows to make sure myYellow Lab Puppy had enough fresh
> air.
>
> She was stretched-out on the back seat
>
> and I needed to impress upon her that she must remain in the car. I walked
> to the curb backward,
>
> pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
>
> "Stay.... You stay! Do you hear me?"
>
>
>
> "Stay!!! Stay!!!"
>
> I said it over and over again. Suddenly, the driver of a nearby car, a
> pretty blonde young woman,
>
>
>
> gave me a strange look and shouted,
>
>
>
>
>
> "Why don't you just put it in "Park"?"
 
Judy married Ted; they had 13 children. Ted died of cancer.
>She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.
>Bob was killed in a car accident,
>Judy remarried again, and
this time she & John had 5 more children.
>Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
>Standing before her
coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
>
>He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
>"Lord, they are finally together."
>
>Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:
>"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"
>
>Margaret replied: "I think he means her legs, Ethel".

---------- Post added July 2nd, 2013 at 02:40 AM ----------

> Fifty Shades...
>
>
>
> You appeared from no where and shamelessly, without any reservations,
> you laid on my naked body.
>
> You sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me
> without any guilt or humiliation, and
>
> you drove me near crazy while you drained me. Finally, I drifted off to
> sleep.
>
> Today when I awoke, you were gone.
>
>
>
> I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last
> night's events.
>
> My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making
> it all the more difficult to forget you.
>
> Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you........
>
>
>
>
> Rotten mosquito!!
 
Police in Detroit last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 2 tons of heroin, $5 million in forged US banknotes, and 15 trafficked Latino prostitutes - all in a semi-detached house behind the Detroit Public Library on Woodward Ave.

Local residents were stunned, and a community spokesman said: "We're all shocked; we never knew we had a library."
 
https://www.shearwater.com/products/swift/

Back
Top Bottom