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ScubaTigress
Contributor
^^ Woah! that's pretty impressive.... now I gotta try it haha
An elderly couple in their 70's were about to get married.
She said: I want to keep my house.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to keep my Cadillac.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to have sex 6 times a week.
He said: Put me down for Fridays.
She said: I want to keep my house.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to keep my Cadillac.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to have sex 6 times a week.
He said: Put me down for Fridays.
pidgiepoo
Contributor
>Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf,
>one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning,
>roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course,
>meet his buddies and play a round.
>
>His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do
it! We'll make it a priority;
>figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."
>
>Months later, that
special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
>The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune!
>I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
>
>The
second guy says, "I spent a ton too.
>My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her.
>She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
>
>The third guy says "Well my wife is
at home admiring her new car,
>reading the manual."
>
>They all turned to the last guy in the group who is
staring at them
>like they have lost their minds.
>"I can't believe you all went to such expense for
this golf game.
>I slapped my wife on the back side and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas!
>It's a great morning -- intercourse or golfcourse --'
>
>She said, “Don’t forget
your
sweater.”
>one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning,
>roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course,
>meet his buddies and play a round.
>
>His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do
it! We'll make it a priority;
>figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."
>
>Months later, that
special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
>The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune!
>I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
>
>The
second guy says, "I spent a ton too.
>My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her.
>She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
>
>The third guy says "Well my wife is
at home admiring her new car,
>reading the manual."
>
>They all turned to the last guy in the group who is
staring at them
>like they have lost their minds.
>"I can't believe you all went to such expense for
this golf game.
>I slapped my wife on the back side and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas!
>It's a great morning -- intercourse or golfcourse --'
>
>She said, “Don’t forget
your
sweater.”
Dr. Lecter
Contributor
From TheOatmeal.com
pidgiepoo
Contributor
A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne
> >> Maynard, has sued St. Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband was
> >> treated there recently, he had lost all interest in sex. A hospital
> >> spokesman
> >> replied, "Mr. Maynard was actually admitted into Ophthalmology - all we
> >> did
> >> was correct his eyesight..."
> >> Maynard, has sued St. Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband was
> >> treated there recently, he had lost all interest in sex. A hospital
> >> spokesman
> >> replied, "Mr. Maynard was actually admitted into Ophthalmology - all we
> >> did
> >> was correct his eyesight..."
pidgiepoo
Contributor
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center,and
> rolled down the car windows to make sure myYellow Lab Puppy had enough fresh
> air.
>
> She was stretched-out on the back seat
>
> and I needed to impress upon her that she must remain in the car. I walked
> to the curb backward,
>
> pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
>
> "Stay.... You stay! Do you hear me?"
>
>
>
> "Stay!!! Stay!!!"
>
> I said it over and over again. Suddenly, the driver of a nearby car, a
> pretty blonde young woman,
>
>
>
> gave me a strange look and shouted,
>
>
>
>
>
> "Why don't you just put it in "Park"?"
> rolled down the car windows to make sure myYellow Lab Puppy had enough fresh
> air.
>
> She was stretched-out on the back seat
>
> and I needed to impress upon her that she must remain in the car. I walked
> to the curb backward,
>
> pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
>
> "Stay.... You stay! Do you hear me?"
>
>
>
> "Stay!!! Stay!!!"
>
> I said it over and over again. Suddenly, the driver of a nearby car, a
> pretty blonde young woman,
>
>
>
> gave me a strange look and shouted,
>
>
>
>
>
> "Why don't you just put it in "Park"?"
pidgiepoo
Contributor
Judy married Ted; they had 13 children. Ted died of cancer.
>She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.
>Bob was killed in a car accident,
>Judy remarried again, and
this time she & John had 5 more children.
>Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
>Standing before her
coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
>
>He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
>"Lord, they are finally together."
>
>Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:
>"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"
>
>Margaret replied: "I think he means her legs, Ethel".
---------- Post added July 2nd, 2013 at 02:40 AM ----------
> Fifty Shades...
>
>
>
> You appeared from no where and shamelessly, without any reservations,
> you laid on my naked body.
>
> You sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me
> without any guilt or humiliation, and
>
> you drove me near crazy while you drained me. Finally, I drifted off to
> sleep.
>
> Today when I awoke, you were gone.
>
>
>
> I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last
> night's events.
>
> My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making
> it all the more difficult to forget you.
>
> Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you........
>
>
>
>
> Rotten mosquito!!
>She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.
>Bob was killed in a car accident,
>Judy remarried again, and
this time she & John had 5 more children.
>Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
>Standing before her
coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
>
>He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
>"Lord, they are finally together."
>
>Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:
>"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"
>
>Margaret replied: "I think he means her legs, Ethel".
---------- Post added July 2nd, 2013 at 02:40 AM ----------
> Fifty Shades...
>
>
>
> You appeared from no where and shamelessly, without any reservations,
> you laid on my naked body.
>
> You sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me
> without any guilt or humiliation, and
>
> you drove me near crazy while you drained me. Finally, I drifted off to
> sleep.
>
> Today when I awoke, you were gone.
>
>
>
> I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last
> night's events.
>
> My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making
> it all the more difficult to forget you.
>
> Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you........
>
>
>
>
> Rotten mosquito!!
pidgiepoo
Contributor
Police in Detroit last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 2 tons of heroin, $5 million in forged US banknotes, and 15 trafficked Latino prostitutes - all in a semi-detached house behind the Detroit Public Library on Woodward Ave.
Local residents were stunned, and a community spokesman said: "We're all shocked; we never knew we had a library."
Local residents were stunned, and a community spokesman said: "We're all shocked; we never knew we had a library."
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