John get's very excited about tropical storms.
Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here
- Thread starter sandshaker
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Harry Potter bus ride?
We we're looking for videos on Bonaire to share for the Invasion thread and came across this one. I thought it was really funny and thought I would share it here too.
Last edited:
OP
sandshaker
Contributor
I have been a Facebook junkie lmao
Well, I wondered what happened to you ?????!!!!!!! About time you showed up again
---------- Post Merged on November 11th, 2012 at 09:58 AM ---------- Previous Post was on November 10th, 2012 at 03:53 AM ----------
The Dreaded Call..
>
>
>
> My boss phoned me today. He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"
>
> I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't
> stopped to take a break all day."
>
>
>
> "Can you do me a favor?" he asked.
>
>
>
> I said, "Of course, what is it?"
>
>
>
> Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the foursome behind you."
pidgiepoo
Contributor
We were dressed and ready to go out for an evening of ‘Dinner-Theatre’.
>
> We turned on a night-light, turned on the answering-machine, covered our pet
> budgie’s cage,
>
> put the cat in the backyard and phoned the local Taxi Company, to request a
> cab.
> The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.
>
> As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scooted back
> into the house.
>
> We didn't want the cat shut inside the house because she always tries to get
> at the budgie.
>
> So, my wife went on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the ca
> The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.
> Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want the driver to know that the house
> would be empty for the night.
>
> So, she explained to the taxi driver that I would be out soon...
>
> "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my Mother."
> A few minutes later, I got into the cab.
>
> "Sorry, I took so long," I said, as we drove away.
>
> "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed.
>
> I had to poke her arse with a coat-hanger to get her to come out!
>
> She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck.
>
> Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me.
>
> But, it worked...
>
> I hauled her fat arse downstairs and threw her out into the back yard.
>
> She'd better not **** in the vegetable garden, again!
> The silence in the taxi was deafening...
Clergy Poker
A minister and his two friends, a priest and a rabbi, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town.
One night, the sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge.
After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest, "Were you gambling, Father?"
The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me," and then said aloud, "No, your honor, I was not gambling."
"Were you gambling, Rabbi Abraham?" the judge asked the rabbi.
The rabbi repeated the priest's actions and replied, "No, your honor, I was not gambling."
Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked, "Were you gambling, Reverend?"
The minister eyed him coolly and replied, "With whom?"
A minister and his two friends, a priest and a rabbi, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town.
One night, the sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge.
After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest, "Were you gambling, Father?"
The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me," and then said aloud, "No, your honor, I was not gambling."
"Were you gambling, Rabbi Abraham?" the judge asked the rabbi.
The rabbi repeated the priest's actions and replied, "No, your honor, I was not gambling."
Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked, "Were you gambling, Reverend?"
The minister eyed him coolly and replied, "With whom?"
TALE OF AN OLDER WOMAN
SHE RODE UP, SLOWLY CLIMBED DOWN AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCH RAIL. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE
OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, SAYING, “HEY OLD WOMAN HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE
GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID
DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED
TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE
GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, OLD
WOMAN, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW,"
AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD
WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR - NOT WANTING
TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF -
STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY
WAS LAUGHING.
WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED,
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL
LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND
TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE
SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK
MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED
10 GUAGE SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.
THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY
THROUGH THE DESERT AIR. THE CROWD
STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE
SOUNDS TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY
SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST
DEAFENING.
THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG
GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE
LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN
BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER
WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS
SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE
YOU EVER LICKED A MULE'S ASS?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND
SAID, "NO MAM... BUT... I'VE
ALWAYS WANTED TO."
THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR US ALL
HERE:
1 - NEVER BE ARROGANT.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 – Don’t let whiskey make you
think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you
know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with older women;
they didn't get old by being stupid…
SHE RODE UP, SLOWLY CLIMBED DOWN AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCH RAIL. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE
OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, SAYING, “HEY OLD WOMAN HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE
GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID
DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED
TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE
GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, OLD
WOMAN, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW,"
AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD
WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR - NOT WANTING
TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF -
STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY
WAS LAUGHING.
WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED,
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL
LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND
TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE
SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK
MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED
10 GUAGE SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.
THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY
THROUGH THE DESERT AIR. THE CROWD
STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE
SOUNDS TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY
SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST
DEAFENING.
THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG
GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE
LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN
BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER
WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS
SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE
YOU EVER LICKED A MULE'S ASS?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND
SAID, "NO MAM... BUT... I'VE
ALWAYS WANTED TO."
THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR US ALL
HERE:
1 - NEVER BE ARROGANT.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 – Don’t let whiskey make you
think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you
know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with older women;
they didn't get old by being stupid…
pidgiepoo
Contributor
1 - NEVER BE ARROGANT.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 – Don’t let whiskey make you
think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you
know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with older women;
they didn't get old by being stupid…
LOL- love these Insta-gator
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 – Don’t let whiskey make you
think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you
know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with older women;
they didn't get old by being stupid…
LOL- love these Insta-gator
Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat, and one says to the other,
"I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as
well do as the Americans do."
As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yelling, "Hot Dogs, get your dogs
here," and they both walk towards the hot dog cart.
"Two dogs, please!," says one. The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps
both hot dogs in foil and hands them over. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'
The mother superioris first to open hers.
She begins to blush, and then after staring at it for a moment, leans to the
other Nun and in a soft brogue whispers.
"What part did you get?"
"I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as
well do as the Americans do."
As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yelling, "Hot Dogs, get your dogs
here," and they both walk towards the hot dog cart.
"Two dogs, please!," says one. The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps
both hot dogs in foil and hands them over. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'
The mother superioris first to open hers.
She begins to blush, and then after staring at it for a moment, leans to the
other Nun and in a soft brogue whispers.
"What part did you get?"
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