-----
> Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know the
> meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know
> the meaning of a lot of words."
> ___________________________________________
>
> Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
>
> So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday,
> and pick up trash on Monday.
> ___________________________________________
>
> What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
>
> Drool.
> ___________________________________________
>
> How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light
> bulb?
>
> None. That's a sophomore course.
> ___________________________________________
>
> How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk?
>
> The cow fell on him.
> ___________________________________________
>
> Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods.
>
> One of them said, "Look, a dead bird."
>
> The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"
> ___________________________________________
>
> A University of Cincinnati football player was almost killed yesterday in
> a tragic horseback-riding accident.
>
> He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death.
>
> Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.
> ___________________________________________
> ___________________________________________
>
> What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player
> dressed in a three-piece suit? "
>
> "Will the defendant please rise."
> ___________________________________________
>
> If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is
> driving?
>
> The police officer.
> ___________________________________________
>
> How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?
>
> There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
> ___________________________________________
>
> What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
>
> A full set of teeth.
> ___________________________________________
>
> University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his
> players for the game this week; the
> other half will have to dress themselves.
> ___________________________________________
>
> How is the Indiana football team like an opossum?
>
> They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
> ___________________________________________
>
> Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car?
>
> He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
> ___________________________________________
>
> How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch?
>
> Pay him for the pizza.
> ___________________________________________
>
> What are the longest three years of a University of Kentucky football
> player’s life?
>
> Freshman I, Freshman II, and Freshman III.
---------- Post Merged at 09:56 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 03:07 AM ----------
> An Australian Love Poem.
> (Who said Australians weren't romantic?)
>
>
> Of course I love ya darlin
> You're a bloody top-notch bird
> And when I say you're gorgeous
> I mean every single word.
> So ya bum is on the big side
> I don't mind a bit of flab
> It means that when I'm ready
> There's somethin there to grab.
> So your belly isn't flat no more
> I tell ya, I don't care
> So long as when I cuddle ya
> I can get my arms round there.
> No Sheila who is your age
> Has nice round perky breasts
> Yours just gave in to gravity
> But I know ya did ya best.
> I'm tellin' ya the truth now
> I never tell ya lies
> I think it’s very sexy, that
> You've got dimples on ya thighs.
> I swear on me nana's grave now
> The moment that we met
> I thought you was as good as I was ever gonna get.
> No matter what you look like
> I'll always love ya dear
> Now shut up while the footballs on
> And fetch another beer.
---------- Post Merged at 10:08 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 03:07 AM ----------
While Peter was sunbathing naked at the beach,
> for the sake of civility and to keep it from getting sun burned, he had a
> hat over his private parts.
>
>
> A woman walked past and said, snickering,
> "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
>
>
> He raised an eyebrow and replied,
> "If you were better looking, it would lift itself."
---------- Post Merged on November 7th, 2012 at 09:38 AM ---------- Previous Post was on November 6th, 2012 at 03:07 AM ----------
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's hiney. It's the tortoise life for me!
1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
I'm retired. Go around me.
. Bravo!
