Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[The Anchor]

Prison: you spend the majority of your time in a 10 x 10 cell
Work: you spend the majority of your time in an 8 x 8 cubicle

Prison: you get three meals a day fully paied for
Work: you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it

Prison: you get time off for good behavior
Work: you get more work for good behavior

Prison: the guard unlocks and locks all the doors for you
Work: you must often carry a security card and open all the doors yourself

Prison: you can watch TV and play games
Work: you could get fired for watching TV and playing games

Prison: you get your own toilet
Work: you have to share a toilet with people who pee on the seat

Prison: they allow your family and friends to visit (then there are the
conjugal visits...)
Work: you aren't even supposed to speak with your family

Prison: all expenses are paied by the taxpayers with no work required
Work: you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners

Prison: you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
Work: you spend most of your life wanting to get out and go inside bars

Prison: you must deal with sadistic wardens
Work: here they are called managers

Now get back to work! You are not getting paied to surf the internet.

 

[m3830431]

A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing. Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes. As he approaches the machine, it starts screaming and shouting at him. He runs to the bar and explains this to the barman. The barman apologizes and says "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order"!

 

[sandshaker]

ha this is g8!!!


You know you're from Florida when.....


"Down South" means Key West.

"Panhandling" means going to Pensacola.

Flip-flops are everyday wear.

Shoes are for business meetings and church.
No, wait, flip flops are good for church too.

Socks are only for bowling.

Orange juice from concentrate makes you vomit.

Tap water makes you vomit.

Sweet tea can be served at any meal .

An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.

You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip to Florida.

You measure distance in minutes.

You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five
minutes.

All the local festivals are named after a fruit.

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store,but
everything to do with shade.

Your winter coat is made of denim

You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.

You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer
but really hot, and Christmas.

It's not "pop." It's "soda" or "coke."

Anything under 70 is chilly.

You've attended a hurricane party.

You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best
rides.

You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.

You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee , Okahumpka and
Loxahatchee.

You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat than have a
boat yourself.

You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.

Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include various fish, the
NRA and a confederate flag.

You were 8 before you realized they made houses without pools.

You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.

You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.

You know what the "stingray shuffle" is and why it's important!

You could swim before you could read.

You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

Every other house had blue roofs in 2004-2005.

You've gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before
it got dark.

You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.

You dread the lovebug seasons.

You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list.
They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances,
Ivan and Jeanne.

You know why flamingos are pink.

You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

You were twelve before you ever saw snow or you still haven't.

When the northerners complain that 80 is 'so hot', you just stand there
and smile.

You refer to the seasons as "Tourist Season", "Fire Season" "Hurricane
Season" and "Mosquito Season"

 

[The Anchor]

Public Safety Announcement

Never

Never

Never

Never

Ever.....

...fart in a wet suit!

 

[m3830431]

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool." Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man responded, "120." So the robot started talking about the super bowl, dirt bikes, and so on. The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool." A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "80." The robot then said, "So, how are things in Alabama these days?"

 

[The Anchor]

Three women, two younger and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. "That was my pager," she said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to hear ear. When she was finished, she explained, "that was my mobile phone." "I have a microchip in my hand."

The older woman felt very low tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from here rear end. The others raised there eyebrows and stared at her.

The older woman finaly said, "well will you look at that... I'm getting a fax!"

 

[mike_s]

 

[mike_s]

 

[Rhone Man]

Proves what I always thought: even if a woman gets to marry her Prince Charming at the end of a fairytale romance, she will still do nothing but complain.

 

[The Anchor]

Awesome Senior Moment



sorry for the small image, but i haven't figured out how to display them full size yet.