Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here
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m3830431
Contributor
WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool."
dpbishop
Contributor
911 Diver,
It's OK to poke fun at people's politics, but beer is a serious subject.
:shelli:
It's OK to poke fun at people's politics, but beer is a serious subject.
:shelli:
mike_s
Contributor
on a T-shirt I saw yesterday
"Beer, it's the reason I get up every afternoon"
"Beer, it's the reason I get up every afternoon"
One I've always liked:
Beer, it's not just for breakfast anymore
Beer, it's not just for breakfast anymore
m3830431
Contributor
The Beer Prayer
Our Lager, Which Art In Barrels,
Hallowed By Thy Fame.
Thy Will Be Drunk, I Will Be Drunk,
At Home, As It Is In Heaven.
Give Us This Day Our Foamy Head,
And Forgive Our Spillage,
As We Forgive Those Who Spill Against Us.
And Lead Us Not To Incarceration,
But Deliver Us From Hangovers.
For Thine Is The Ale, The Pilsner, And The Lager,
Forever And Ever
Our Lager, Which Art In Barrels,
Hallowed By Thy Fame.
Thy Will Be Drunk, I Will Be Drunk,
At Home, As It Is In Heaven.
Give Us This Day Our Foamy Head,
And Forgive Our Spillage,
As We Forgive Those Who Spill Against Us.
And Lead Us Not To Incarceration,
But Deliver Us From Hangovers.
For Thine Is The Ale, The Pilsner, And The Lager,
Forever And Ever
McDonnell Douglas Customer Survey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order
to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the
warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that
best meet your needs and desires.
1. [_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name: .....................................................
Initial: ........
Last Name: ......................................................
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name: ......................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ...........-...........-...........
2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /......./......
4. Serial Number:...............................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase
in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Indicate all that apply)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests
and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
Douglasserve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to
receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
extremist groups and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered
to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION,
Marketing Department Military,
Aerospace Division.
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
addressee(s) named above & may contain information that is confidential
privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem,
no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the
intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email
is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an
irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in
its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have
any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored.
No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the
kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to
learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning
backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.
However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your
computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you & your pets. If you have
received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites,
whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order
to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the
warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that
best meet your needs and desires.
1. [_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name: .....................................................
Initial: ........
Last Name: ......................................................
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name: ......................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ...........-...........-...........
2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /......./......
4. Serial Number:...............................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase
in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Indicate all that apply)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests
and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
Douglasserve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to
receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
extremist groups and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered
to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION,
Marketing Department Military,
Aerospace Division.
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
addressee(s) named above & may contain information that is confidential
privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem,
no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the
intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email
is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an
irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in
its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have
any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored.
No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the
kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to
learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning
backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.
However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your
computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you & your pets. If you have
received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites,
whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
Last edited:
A Rabbi, an Anglican Priest and a Catholic Priest are taking a group of school children out an excursion on a boat. The boat strikes a rock and begin to sink - panic sets in quickly.
"Quick, grab the life rafts!" says the Rabbi.
"What about the kids?" says the Anglican.
"Screw the kids!" says the Rabbi.
"Do we have time?" asks the Catholic?
"Quick, grab the life rafts!" says the Rabbi.
"What about the kids?" says the Anglican.
"Screw the kids!" says the Rabbi.
"Do we have time?" asks the Catholic?
mike_s
Contributor
That's actually kinda funny....
But whoever wrote it orignally is a little clueless.....
McDonnell Douglas was bought by Boeing almost 10 years ago.... they are no longer a seperate company in business by themselves...
that and of their above listed planes, the only one made by McDonnell Douglas was the F-15.
dpbishop
Contributor
Beer Poem,
I think that I shall never hear
a poem as lovely as a beer
the thing that Joe's bar has on tap
with golden base and foamy cap
the thing I drink and drink all day
until my memory fades away
for poems are made by fools I fear
but only Schlitz can make a beer.
I think that I shall never hear
a poem as lovely as a beer
the thing that Joe's bar has on tap
with golden base and foamy cap
the thing I drink and drink all day
until my memory fades away
for poems are made by fools I fear
but only Schlitz can make a beer.
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