Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[santafejoe]

>>>
>>>Harry the Eagle
>>>
>>>Did you know that Eagles mate for life?
>>> Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for
>>>Mary, his darlin' of 10 glorious years.
>>>
>>>Finally, he went looking and found her.... She had
>>>been shot.... Dead!!!
>>>
>>>Harry was devastated.
>>>
>>>After about six minutes of mourning, he decided that
>>>he must get himself another mate....
>>>
>>>But he just might like to cross the feather barrier.
>>>
>>>
>>>So he flew off to find a new mate.
>>>
>>>He found a lovely DOVE and brought her back to the
>>>nest.
>>>
>>>The sex was OK, but all the DOVE would say is, "I am
>>>a DOVE. I want to love! I am a DOVE.... I want to
>>>love!!"
>>>
>>>Well, this got on Harry's nerves.... so he kicked
>>>the Dove out of the nest and flew off once more to
>>>find a mate.
>>>
>>>He found a very sexy LOON and brought her back to
>>>the nest....
>>>
>>>Again the sex was great, but all the LOON would say
>>>is, "I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I
>>>want to spoon!"
>>> Egad, out with the LOON.
>>>
>>>Once more Harry flew off to find a mate.
>>>
>>>This time he found a gorgeous DUCK, so he brought
>>>the DUCK back to the nest. Again the sex was great,
>>>but all the DUCK would say was....
>>> &n! bsp;&nbs p; . ..
>>> .
>>>
>>> Well.... you know....
>>> . .
>>> .
>>>
>>>No....... the DUCK didn't say THAT!!!!!
>>> That's an awful thing to think!!
>>> . .
>>> . ..
>>> . &nb! sp; ; .
>>>. . ..
>>> . . .
>>> The Duck said....
>>> "I am a DRAKE.... you made a MISTAKE!"
>>> (POOR HARRY!!!)

 

[kilo_fox]

I guess you got us all with that one.....

 

[santafejoe]

I would say your RIGHT

 

[kilo_fox]

Peeing in the Bushes

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic
garbage bags, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags,
and once in a while a $20 bill flies out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of that bag..."

"Damn!" says the little old lady ... "I'd better go back and see if
I can find some of them. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that
money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up
to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game,
a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!"
So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and
each time someone sticks his thingie through the bushes, I yell:
'$20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Good luck!" By the way, what's
in the other bag?"

Well", says the little old lady, "Not all of them pay"

 

[mlkco]

[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]

Ugly person illness

A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"

"I'm sure I can." the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch." [/FONT]

 

[m3830431]

A drunken guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks
her over.

He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you,Batman!?"

 

[sandshaker]

A drunken guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks
her over.

He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you,Batman!?"

OMG!!!!

 

[mlkco]

A drunken guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks
her over.

He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you,Batman!?"

Short Sweet and the funniest thing I've read in a long time

 

[santafejoe]

IRISH GAS STATION

Taking a wee break from the golf course,
Tiger Woods drives his new Mercedes into
an Irish gas station.

An attendant greets him in typical Irish
manner, unaware who the golfer is...
"Top o' the mornin to ya".

As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees
fall out of his pocket.

"So what are those things, laddie?"
asks the attendant.

They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?"
inquires the Irishman.

"Well, they're for resting my balls on when
I drive," replies Tiger.

"Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaimes
the Irish attendant. "Those fellas at
Mercedes think of everything

 

[mlkco]

The Bar Story​

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems." Then he proceeded to jump out the window again. Well, these two men decided that they just HAD to try this, so they jumped out the window, and SPLAT! -- made a mess hitting all over the ground.
Meanwhile, the first guy has made it back up to the bar. When he sits down to order his drinks, the bartender says "Superman, you can be a real ------- when you're drunk!"