Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[CenTexDivin]

Sorry it's so long, but here goes:


Two nuns were walking down the sidewalk in town, Sister Logic and Sister Mathematics. As they were strolling along, they noticed a man following them.

Sister Logic said to Sister Math, "That man looks like he wants to have sex with us." Sister Math replied, "And at his current pace compared to ours, he'll catch up with us in a 45 seconds." Sister Logic answered, "Well, the only logical thing to do is to split up and run away. He can only follow one of us." Sister Math agreed and the two nuns began running in seperate directions.

After a while, Sister Math returns to the church courtyard, expecting to see Sister Logic waiting for her, but the other nun has yet to return. Shortly thereafter, Sister Logic comes running around the corner, out of breath, and finally reaches the saftey of the church grounds.

Sister Math asks, "What happened? Why'd it take you so long?" Sister Logic replied, "After we split, the man began following me. I realized that I couldn't out run him, so I did the only logical thing."

"What was that?" asked Sister Math.

"I stopped, turned around, and lifted my habit and watched as he dropped his pants."

Shocked, Sister Math asked, "Why?"







"Because logically, I can run faster with my habit up than he can run with his pants down."

 

[santafejoe]

A mother took her six-year old daughter to the ballet. This was the first time the little girl had ever seen a ballet and she watched wide-eyed as the ballerinas pranced around the stage on their toes. When the ballet was over, the mother asked her daughter if she had liked it.
"Yes, Mommy, I did" the little girl replied, "But wouldn't it be easier if they just hired taller dancers?"

Good one Kilo Loved the Ballet joke.

 

[m3830431]

There all good

 

[santafejoe]

There all good

Your 100 % correct about that.

 

[m3830431]

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

 

[CenTexDivin]

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket.

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, Screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

 

[mlkco]

THE PRIEST

A distinguished young woman on a flight from
Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may
I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair
dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and
well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll
confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it
through
Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you:
I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question
you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead
of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have
anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have
nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked,
"And what do you have to declare from your waist to
the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on
a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."

 

[m3830431]

:no

 

[santafejoe]

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am.

I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort so, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area
to make sure I was at least presentable.

I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.

Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?"

I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal.

Some shopping, cleaning, cooking.

After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had All my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

NEVER going back to that doctor ever!!!

 

[sandshaker]

WORLD WAR III IS COMING

President Bush decides to leave the White House and go out to sit
in a local bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush sitting at the end of the bar?"
The bartender says, "Yep, that's him."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor! What are you doing in here?"
Bush says, " I'm planning WW III." The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, I'm going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big boobs.
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde with big boobs?"
Bush turns to the bartender and says, "See, I told you, no one gives a crap about the 140 million Muslims!