So nice, you posted it twice. 
http://www.scubaboard.com/forums/hu...r-pretty-funny-stuff-here-59.html#post6964989
http://www.scubaboard.com/forums/hu...r-pretty-funny-stuff-here-59.html#post6964989
Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here
- Thread starter sandshaker
- Start date
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pidgiepoo
Contributor
It's Hell to be Old
OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part
of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back
a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and
gave him the jar,
which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like
this -- first I tried
with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still
nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with
her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out,
still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with
both hands, then an
armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still
nothing..'
The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied,
'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
pidgiepoo
Contributor
Subject: FW: Texting codes for seniors
* ATD- At the Doctor's
* BFF - Best Friends Funeral
* BTW- Bring the Wheelchair
* BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
* CBM- Covered by Medicare
* CUATSC- See You at the Senior Center
* DWI- Driving While Incontinent
* FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
* GGPBL- Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
* GHA - Got Heartburn Again
* HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
* LMDO- Laughing My Dentures Out
* LOL- Living on Lipitor
* OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
* TOT- Texting on Toilet
* WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
Hope these help. GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!)
* ATD- At the Doctor's
* BFF - Best Friends Funeral
* BTW- Bring the Wheelchair
* BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
* CBM- Covered by Medicare
* CUATSC- See You at the Senior Center
* DWI- Driving While Incontinent
* FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
* GGPBL- Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
* GHA - Got Heartburn Again
* HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
* LMDO- Laughing My Dentures Out
* LOL- Living on Lipitor
* OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
* TOT- Texting on Toilet
* WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
Hope these help. GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!)
The Anchor
Contributor
Tiny Tim would be a horrible porn name...
Just sayn'
Just sayn'
Unless, of course, it is someone participating in midget porn.
Not mine but still funny:
With the holidays upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with you all about drinking and driving after a "social session" with friends.
This past Saturday, we were out on a pre-Christmas evening with long-lost friends. I had a few cocktails, followed by a handful of glasses of vintage red wine. Despite the jolliness, I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home.
Sure enough, there I encountered a police road block on the road but, since it was a cab, they waved us past. We arrived home safely without incident. This was a both a great relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from and, now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it!
After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'.
That reminds me of this one;
A husband tells his wife he learned some new techniques while downloading internet porn. She agrees to try a few out. In the middle of the best love-making they ever shared he stops for thirty seconds. Puzzled, she asks him what that was all about. He said it's called buffering.
A husband tells his wife he learned some new techniques while downloading internet porn. She agrees to try a few out. In the middle of the best love-making they ever shared he stops for thirty seconds. Puzzled, she asks him what that was all about. He said it's called buffering.
mobeeno
Contributor
The fact that Jelly fish survive for 650 millions years despite having no brains is great news for stupid people !
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