The Anchor
Contributor
I'm at the front of the line for Paranoids Anonymous. Everyone else is after me.
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pidgiepoo
Contributor
Today at 4:13 AM
Power
outage.
We had a power outage
last weekend and my PC, TV and games console shut down
immediately.
It was raining, I couldn't play golf, so I talked to my
wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice
person.
Power
outage.
We had a power outage
last weekend and my PC, TV and games console shut down
immediately.
It was raining, I couldn't play golf, so I talked to my
wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice
person.
Why would you do that?
Talking to your wife is like feeding that stray animal, if you do it once they will always expect it.
pidgiepoo
Contributor
^^^^^^^ LOL LetterBoy..I AM THE WIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> An old man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a
> confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
>
> The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the
> grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
>
>
>
> Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To
> everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.
>
> His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, her neighbors
> concerned for her safety, asked "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be
> able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your
> life?"
>
>
>
> The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And I know he won't
> ask for directions."
---------- Post added December 8th, 2013 at 09:43 AM ----------
> Female medical
>
>
> The men will understand this and nod with approval
>
>
>
>
>
> During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:- "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine.
> Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
>
> The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
>
> "No! No! Don't remove your clothes... Just stick out your tongue!"
> An old man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a
> confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
>
> The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the
> grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
>
>
>
> Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To
> everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.
>
> His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, her neighbors
> concerned for her safety, asked "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be
> able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your
> life?"
>
>
>
> The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And I know he won't
> ask for directions."
---------- Post added December 8th, 2013 at 09:43 AM ----------
> Female medical
>
>
> The men will understand this and nod with approval
>
>
>
>
>
> During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:- "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine.
> Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
>
> The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.
>
> "No! No! Don't remove your clothes... Just stick out your tongue!"
Pidg going to Roatan?
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk
Male Life Cycle
When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend
with big boobs.
When I was 18, I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was
no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest
for life.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried
all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl
with stability.
When I was 28, I found a very stable girl but she was boring.
She was totally predictable and never got excited about
anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl
with some excitement.
When I was 33, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up
with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling
on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me
miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and
very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl
with some real ambition.
When I turned 35, I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet
planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so
ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now and I am looking for a girl with big boobs.
When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend
with big boobs.
When I was 18, I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was
no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest
for life.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried
all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl
with stability.
When I was 28, I found a very stable girl but she was boring.
She was totally predictable and never got excited about
anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl
with some excitement.
When I was 33, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up
with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling
on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me
miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and
very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl
with some real ambition.
When I turned 35, I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet
planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so
ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now and I am looking for a girl with big boobs.
WOODMAN
Contributor
A hotshot business executive was on an airliner sitting next to an older gent. The executive was bored and decided to have a little fun. He asked the senior if he wanted to play a little game. The senior was tired and just wanted to be left alone, but the executive was persistent and said "Tell you what. I will ask a question, and if you can't answer you will pay me $5.00 Then you will ask me a question, and if I can't answer I will pay you $500.00" The senior decided to play along, and the executive said "What is the square root of 236745?" The senior just shook his head and gave the man $5.00 Then the senior said "What goes up a hill on 3 legs and comes back down on four legs?" The executive pulled out his laptop and proceeded to start searching every database he could find on the web, looking for the answer. After much effort he finally admitted defeat and gave the senior $500.00 The senior said nothing more, and the executive was going crazy with curiosity. He finally said "Okay, what is it that goes up a hill on 3 legs and comes down on 4?" The senior just smiled and gave the executive a 5 dollar bill.
Don't mess with seniors...
Don't mess with seniors...
NEVER FORCE YOUR CHILD TO PRAY:
The neighbours had come over for dinner at Little Johnny's place. As they sat down for dinner, father asked Little Johnny to do the prayers. Johnny replied, "But dad, im scared." His Dad told him to just be honest and say what he felt best. So as everyone joined hands, Johnny began: " Dear Lord, thank you for bringing the kid who ate my cookies. Please bless them him with food so that he doesn't take mine. Also forgive his elder brother who undressed my sister and started wrestling with her. Im sure he wont do that again. Speaking of clothes, I want you to bless all the naked women on my dads phone with clothes. Seriously, they need it. And lastly, I want you to provide shelter to the homeless man who sleeps with my mom when dad goes to work. Thank you." No one had dinner that day.
The neighbours had come over for dinner at Little Johnny's place. As they sat down for dinner, father asked Little Johnny to do the prayers. Johnny replied, "But dad, im scared." His Dad told him to just be honest and say what he felt best. So as everyone joined hands, Johnny began: " Dear Lord, thank you for bringing the kid who ate my cookies. Please bless them him with food so that he doesn't take mine. Also forgive his elder brother who undressed my sister and started wrestling with her. Im sure he wont do that again. Speaking of clothes, I want you to bless all the naked women on my dads phone with clothes. Seriously, they need it. And lastly, I want you to provide shelter to the homeless man who sleeps with my mom when dad goes to work. Thank you." No one had dinner that day.
TONY CHANEY
Contributor
Little Johnny's parents took him over to see his baby nephew. Parents told little Johnny the baby was borned with ears and a nose and not to talk about it. When Johnny got to see the baby he said, "wow, what great looking blue eyes." He asked the proud parents, "Can he see very well?" "Why yes he can see very well they both replied." Why did you asked that Johnny's father asked? Johnny replied, "because he would be screwed if he needed glasses!"
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