Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[pidgiepoo]

The Audit


At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books, he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said:


"I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"

"Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll."



"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way."What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"



"Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster."



"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"



"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and about once a year, they send us a complete prick."

 

[SC_Hoaty]

 

[pidgiepoo]

Two sisters, one blondeand one brunette, Inherit the family ranch.Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bankfrom repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bullso that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truckand drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'


You'll love this ..........


The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll read it very slowly.... 'com-for-da-bul.'

 

[Jax]

A duded-up city rider walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD. He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider bravely asks the old biker, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?'
...
The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup and says, 'Nah, you go ahead.'

Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chilli. The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.

The old biker quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'

 

[triplecove]

[FONT=&amp]Dr. Smith's Prescriptions A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her breasts[/FONT][FONT=&amp].[/FONT] [FONT=&amp]Dr. Smith advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, [/FONT] [FONT=&amp]'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!' She did this faithfully for several months! To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs![/FONT] [FONT=&amp] [/FONT][FONT=&amp]One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely b00bs if she didn't recite the little rhyme,[/FONT] [FONT=&amp]she stood up in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said,[/FONT] [FONT=&amp]'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.' A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked,[/FONT] [FONT=&amp]'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith’s? 'Yes I am... How did you know?' He winked and replied, " Hickory dickory dock "[/FONT][FONT=&amp] [/FONT]

 

[SC_Hoaty]

 

[pidgiepoo]

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex......
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#09.... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of
beers.
#08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07.. Foursomes are encouraged.
#06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05.... Three times a day is possible.
#04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03... If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.
#02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....

#01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it.

 

[triplecove]

Go ahead.....cut me off!!

 

[Jax]

 

[pidgiepoo]

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the
>
> Sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.
>
> Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the
>
> Same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can
>
> Also be very dangerous.

Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the

> Resurrection, a little boy raised his hand........

The pastor called on him and the little boy said,
>
> "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours
>
> You are supposed to call the doctor."

---------- Post added March 25th, 2013 at 08:29 AM ----------

This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way home I stopped at the gas station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump.

She looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, big boy". "Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?"

I thought a few seconds and asked, "what kinda ammo ya got?"









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