Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[mike_s]

Blonde Joke

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One
would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole
in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other.

Then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without
rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what
they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the
effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it-why do you
dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it
probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today
the girl who plants the trees called in sick."

 

[sandshaker]

Blonde Joke

**PFFTT**that's FUN-Nee

 

[sandshaker]

Subject: .


(Insert your town's high school)

_______________HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
Schools are finally starting to teach practical math
that these kids can use is real-world situations!

NAME____________________

GANG/CREW NAME______________ CRIB_________________

1. Ramón has an AK-47 with a 30-round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramón attempt before he has to reload?

2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8-ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day crack habit?

4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain the 20% profit?

5. Desmond gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?

6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 - 8 oz. cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?

8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There are 20 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up?

9. LaShaunda is a lookout for the gang. LaShaunda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If LaShaunda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed the Boa on one week's income?

10. Marvin steals Juan's skate board. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One
would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole
in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other.

Then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without
rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what
they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the
effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it-why do you
dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it
probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today
the girl who plants the trees called in sick."[/QUOTE]......

 

[kilo_fox]

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he was very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, ordered some tests and told the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returned a couple of days later and the doctor said : "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it". the man looked a little perplexed and said : "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc". The doctor answered: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis". The man screamed in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".
The doctor replied : "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice".
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims : "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease". The guy says to the doctor : "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?" The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs :"Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!"
"Oh, Thank God!", the man replies. "Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "you no worry! Wait two weeks; penis fall off by itself! You save money man..."

 

[m3830431]

:mooner:

 

[m3830431]

A nurse walks into a bank. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal
thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. She looks at the
flabbergasted teller and, without missing beat, says, "Well, that's
great..........that's really great........Some @sshole's got my pen."

 

[Fish_Whisperer]

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.

They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with the male organ?"

She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched one with the tip of my finger."

St. Peter says, " Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with the male organ?"

The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one."

St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, "Reeva, What seems to be the rush?"

The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her azz in it!"

 

[kilo_fox]

A nurse walks into a bank. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal
thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. She looks at the
flabbergasted teller and, without missing beat, says, "Well, that's
great..........that's really great........Some @sshole's got my pen."

that's really a great one....

 

[m3830431]

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.

They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with the male organ?"

She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched one with the tip of my finger."

St. Peter says, " Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with the male organ?"

The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one."

St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, "Reeva, What seems to be the rush?"

The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her azz in it!"

Can't be true of Catholic girls. :no

 

[santafejoe]

Oh yes it Can Trust me.