Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[sandshaker]

lol... I have yet to find anyone that has passed it.so don't feel too bad..

 

[ohmdiver]

I passed, now I have to stay here and cover for the idiots that are going home now....

 

[m3830431]

turning off my computer in T minus three minutes

 

[santafejoe]

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.



4. For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the tooth ache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really:
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.
If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.



9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.



10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Thoughts for the day:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES .. . . THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter won't mind. And those who mind, don't matter."


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[sandshaker]

That was goooood!!!!

 

[wstein]

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES


5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

I need to try this one....I play the how many times can I hit snooze before I get out of bed

 

[santafejoe]

I need to try this one....I play the how many times can I hit snooze before I get out of bed

 

[Fish_Whisperer]

Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his
telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said.
"This is Paddy - down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland? I am
ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big
is your army?"

"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself,
me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team
from the pub. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my
army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is
still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Chirac sighs, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks
and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to
150,000 since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is
still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified
Jackie McLaughlin's Microlite with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit,
and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military
bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missiles. And since
we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "Oill have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change
of heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness,
and decided there is no possible way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."

 

[wstein]

i like that...

 

[Fish_Whisperer]

Me Irish granpappy would have been laughing his head off. LOL