Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[sassyalice]

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."


And that's when the fight started....

 

[sassyalice]

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...

 

[sassyalice]

After retiring, I went to the So cial Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly
silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

 

[sassyalice]

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

 

[sassyalice]

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....

 

[sassyalice]

tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....

 

[sassyalice]

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the
dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a
torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you beli eve my stupid husband is out
fishing in that?'
And then the fight started ...

 

[sassyalice]

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I
haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

 

[sassyalice]

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

 

[sassyalice]

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.


And that's when the fight started....