I don't know of a NJ dive boat that doesn't require it or strongly recommend it.
A strong recommendation is quite different than a requirement.
Perhaps some of the ones that are run as 6-packs don't have it codified as a policy, but I've been on those boats and know the captains. Other than someone they know and/or who's diving on something inshore (perhaps an intact, artificially reefed tug in 70fsw) they are not going to let someone on the boat - much less in the water - if they think they are not geared appropriately for the dive and conditions.
Sure, and the same reasoning is what prevents perfectly capable solo divers from diving solo in many places. The question is why do certain captains (and across all of the North East this is clearly a minority position) feel that team diving in recreational waters without ponies is inadequate. My personal belief is it's for the same reason captains elsewhere don't allow solo diving: ignorance. If (for whatever reason), you don't tend to see divers adequately equipped, experienced, or trained (for either solo or team diving), you might tend to be dismissive of those activities.
Ultimately I think you're off the mark in thinking that a policy requiring redundant air supply is somehow indicative of a big brother mentallity. It's not. Given that you have claimed no personal experience with any of the NJ boats in question, I'm guessing you have no idea.
Do you feel the diving in NJ is fundamentally different than the diving in MA, RI, ME, CT, etc? Certainly the New England waters are colder, but I doubt the currents, visibility, and entanglement hazards are all that different. The captains in New England aren't as prescriptive in their requirements. I don't see any more accidents there (if anything less). Do you have any North East diving experience outside of NJ/NY? Perhaps we have been diving in vastly different conditions in the North Atlantic. Somehow, though, I'm doubtful.
Again, I don't think that asking that you have the minimum training, experience, and gear that is generally considered appropriate to the dive to be an onerous expectation.
Clearly safety is crucial. And a captain has every right to define safe parameters for diving off his boat. I haven't said otherwise. It would only seem that we disagree about what constitutes safety. I don't for a moment believe that simply strapping a piece of gear on makes you even a bit safer. For certain divers, it probably
decreases safety. I, and many others, feel that a solid team in recreational depths/BTs can just as safely execute dives in the North East as new divers with a pony bottle. Yet, certain captains in NJ will only let the latter dive off their boats. IMO, in that case, safety hasn't been increased. If safety were the only concern, filing gas plans and showing evidence of training on the redundant gear (pony, doubles, etc) would also be required.