(Wow, I said it would be long, but I didn't think *this* long... I *did* warn you.)
Value and Growth
So, after all of this, what did I think of the class? Did it meet my expectations? Was it worth it?
This part is very specific to me: my personality and mindset, my personal goals and expectations, and specific things that happened within my class. It's long, and it's probably not going to apply to you anyway. I'm writing it largely for me, but maybe someone will find value in it. But, if you just want the bottom line, here it is:
The class delivered exactly what it said it would. I am now a better diver because of having taken this class. I did *not* experience an epiphany during the class; I am not now a full-blown GUE disciple; and I still wish there were a way to effectively break this class up into two parts. But even without that, I would recommend this class to anyone who wants to become a better diver. You *will* become a better diver. (And as expensive as it is, it's still cheaper than it should be.)
And the less experience you have, the greater value you will receive. Who cares if you already *know* what they're going to tell you is wrong and have an idea on how to fix it! Let them show you how to do it right, and you will make more progress than you think is possible in just a few days. Make peace with taking a class that won't give you a card -- it'll just make you a better diver!
Now, for the long-winded personal part. I've intentionally held off writing this to give some time to really digest the process and what I've learned. Initially, I was somewhat disappointed and more than a little frustrated. In the end, the suggestions I was given were not new to me. In fact, it's things I've heard literally my entire life -- as I told Mer, "First grade, second grade, third grade..."
But if that's the biggest issue, then what else is she going to point out? So that's not on her.
I was also disappointed with my performance. I was having *real* trouble with my trim and buoyancy. It may have had to do with my drysuit flooding each and every dive (probably from that brand-new P-Valve that I *did* test in advance...), or it may not. In any case, I was just out of control the entire time. Honestly, I'm not sure it made any difference -- trim and buoyancy were *not* big points in Mer's evaluation for me -- but it certainly heavily affected my mental state. When you're tilting about your trim and buoyancy, when a drill goes wrong you tend to overreact... especially when going too fast is your biggest problem to begin with.
I was also somewhat disappointed with what I learned. It didn't seem like there was that much new. The flutter kick was *completely* new to me. I had seen the clearly-defined process for valve drills and OOG on paper before, but executing them religiously was new as well. Outside of this, there wasn't much new to me.
Well, except for the concept of team diving. The entire concept of functioning as a coherent team is dramatically different from how I normally dive. The idea itself is not new, but the focus on and execution of it certainly was. Seeing this in action was.. difficult. Quite frustrating, actually. This added a *significant* challenge for me throughout the class.
When my buddies starting getting out of whack my reaction was *not* to get in there, it was to back off and wait for them to get things together. Plus, with my own buoyancy and trim issues, I wasn't in a great position to assist, mentally or physically. This was not helped by some of the reactions of my teammates, who were actively resistant to being 'told what to do', even if it was a signal that they were drifting up. (Which I completely get: it's why my natural reaction is to give them space in the first place!)
I've relatively recently found, though, that this type of disappointment and frustration is something that I need to consider after some reflection. I've found that the classes where I've felt the worst about my performance have, in the end, been the most valuable once I've had a chance to truly absorb their lessons.
To start with the 'not enough new' first: that's a weak complaint. The class was not supposed to necessarily teach new and surprising skills. After all, it's a *fundamentals* class: these are *supposed* to be the most basic parts of diving! And there is no question that I can do *all* of the skills on the list much better today than I could before. Zero question. So let's forget about that. It delivered exactly what it said it would -- and what it should have.
My performance was objectively poor. That was most certainly not the fault of the class. Initially, I felt it kept me from benefiting from the class as fully as I could have. With some perspective, though, I think it has merely caused me to benefit *differently* than I had expected. And the benefits I received here were unexpected and more valuable than I might have originally have appreciated.
Here's a specific example: I kept having to use my fins to keep my position in the water, because my trim was significantly off. At one point, Mer asked, "Why are you finning all of the time?" I did not have a specific answer to that. I had to sit down and really think about it. And the answer was, I was using my fins to automatically compensate for my trim issues. I knew where I needed to be in the water, I was unable to actually hover in that position, and I was unconsciously using my fins to bring this about.
The bad part was the "unconsciously" part. Because if I had been conscious of what I was doing, it would have caused me to really think about and address the *actual* problem, rather than use my fins to treat the symptoms. That opens up all kinds of other (and better) ways of addressing an issue. This was one specific example, but that concept of active awareness of your actions has expanded to all kinds of different areas in my diving. "Why are you doing <whatever>?" is a really powerful question. And I would not have absorbed this if I hadn't been fighting my trim the *whole* *darn* *class*...
Finally, the team diving concept. This is a doozey. My initial reaction was that I really wanted very little to do with it. I certainly appreciate that a well-trained and well-coordinated team is probably the strongest possible configuration. But until you get to that well-trained and well-coordinated level, having multiple people trying to function together makes things a lot *worse*. As bad team divers, you spend *so* much time and effort trying to simply keep together that the entire dive is *miserable*.
At the end of the class, Mer asked us one-on-one a series of questions. The one that stuck out to me was something like, "Do you consider yourself a GUE diver?" My answer was no, but mainly for somewhat technical reasons. Having had some time to reflect on this, I actually think this is a really telling question. Can you imagine anyone asking, "Do you consider yourself a PADI/SDI/SSI/Whatever diver?" I can't. Because PADI/SDI/SSI doesn't seem to be trying to create an ethos. GUE is. Which is why they ask the question! (And maybe why they spent an hour or so expounding on GUE... Hmm....)
Even after reflection, I still don't consider myself a GUE diver, and even after taking the class, I'm not sure I want to be. Diving is not something I do for a sense of community. I *have* a strong community in the rest of my life. Diving is something I do for recreation, for challenge, for growth, but not for a community. I think that's an area where I differ from many divers. And becoming an effective team diver seems to require dedicating yourself to a community.
It's a really strange place to be right now. I'm still reflecting on this.
It was weird doing a dive after the class. Of *course*, everything went *perfectly* once I was out of the class (and reset my P-valve in my suit). Trim and buoyancy were better than ever. In fact, one of the divers, who I've dove with a dozen or so times before, said, without solicitation, "Your trim looked great!" (Which he has never said to me before.) I moved smoothly through the water, finning only when I wanted to move. I used my rear dump routinely even with 7mm gloves (something I've avoided in the past no matter what gloves, but which we worked with a great deal in class). It really demonstrated what I absolutely had learned.
But it was still weird. No pre-dive briefing. No clear communication during the dive. No regular eye contact. Clearly we were strangers diving next to each other rather than people working together. And I missed it.
So who knows. Can you have a one-sided team concept? Because the people I have to dive with here are not trying to meet me halfway on this. It sure would be easier to just forget about it. But it *does* have value, so that means it's worth some effort. Mer's suggestion was, "Be the change you want to see." A noble concept to be sure, but a difficult one, too. But anything worth something requires effort. Why would this be any different?
So, I will continue to reflect on the lessons I've learned from this class. And I'm continuing to appreciate the value of what I have learned.