Long Distance Relationship Advice Please!

[k ellis]

I want to add that communication is KEY. Someone slammed me recently by saying "oh, you're moving down there but you've only seen him twice." Well, semantically, that is true. However, we have spent thousands of hours on the phone (as evidenced by my Verizon bill) and the first of the "twice" was a ten day visit he made to me and the second of the "twice" was my own two week visit to see him...and my new home. (I'm also headed back for two weeks in March and he's spending nearly three weeks up here in May...cumulatively about as much time as a normal locally dating couple would spend together in three years, ya think?)

You see, if you date someone in your own area, you will spend time dining, going to movies, concerts, the mall, snuggling on the couch watching movies, enjoying nookie...but how much of that time are you actually communicating? If ALL you have is the phone, you have to make the best of communicating and getting to know one another. I probably know this man better, after five months, than I do my former spouse of ten years.

Awwww, I'm getting all mushy now. :daydreaming:

LOL It could not have been said better. As I said the time I spent on the phone with my wife and the letters we snail mailed back and forth were priceless. Though now all I have of her memory are those letters and a few items that were not lost through the fight between me and her family I most likely would not have those memories had we have not been so close together.

I recall several times looking at the one thing we could both look at and enjoy and that was the moon. Many times on cold nights I would sit and talk to her and shiver but watch my frosted breathe as I spoke to her on the phone. Her voice bringing forth comfort no matter how bad of a day I had.

The times she cried on the phone becaue I was not there and she cried because she was that much in love. She was an amazing woman indeed with a heart to big for this world to be able to understand.

She would cry because she could not pay her rent (Which I sent money to her so she could keep her house between jobs) and then she would call me and tell me how she found the perfect gift for me. It was my first experience in true honest pure love where a woman trully sees a man for who he is and not what he looks like or what he has to offer and I was quiet honestly shocked to find such purity.

She had originaly intended to move to be with me but she was so attached to her family she could not bare to move away from her nieces and nephews so I made the decision to move to be with her. True love will make a person do some pretty amazing things you know.

In the end though I was blessed to have the time I had with her and never regreted it once. Though the love is eternal and the memories will last for ever after the decision I made to move to be with her is the most wonderful decision I have ever made and the one I am most proud of!

 

[drbill]

The world is a very big place (despite globalization)! What are the chances that a 'perfect' match is living within 25 miles of one's current location?

Sigh, very small for me since most of what is within 25 miles of me is ocean (as you know)... unless you're thinking I'll meet a mermaid!

 

[Wormil]

I don't have anything to add advice-wise, but I did want to chime in with an official 'kudos' to those who believe in LDRs and are prepared to make them work.

The world is a very big place (despite globalization)! What are the chances that a 'perfect' match is living within 25 miles of one's current location?

While I respect people's preference for wanting someone local, I much more understand those that are capable of putting a person before a place.

YES! THIS IS SUCH A VALID POINT. BECAUSE NO ONE IS CAPABLE OF BEING TWO FACED, EVER. lol.

For all you folks in a LDR, who are heads over heels in love with the person, I'd ask myself this, "How many times have we met? How well do I -really- know this person?". I can and do type anything I want on this forum, in emails, etc. Amazingly, with a bit of work, I even write some nice emails that make people think I'm a nice guy. It's amazingly easy to tell people you love them....

Don't be afraid to find some strange, enjoy your life, don't waste away on something that might not happen. For all you who found some long distance love, awesome.

 

[DebbyDiver]

Wormil, you are indeed awesome! Great advice, I'd THANK you but my THANKS button is MIA.

For us, it was important to meet quickly and he came to spend nearly two weeks with me after knowing me just two months (and after hundreds of hours on the phone). (Edited to add that he actually had another place to stay locally, but I felt comfortable having him at my place after all.) A month later, I spent more than two weeks with him at his home. I'm headed back soon for another two weeks. I know this is a luxury that many other couples can't afford, but for us it was key to getting to know one another.

Also, think about a local relationship, spending an average of three dates a week, how much communication do you really do in that time while you're going to movies, the mall, out to dinner, hanging with friends, making love, etc.? Us LDR folks only have the phone. My Verizon account says I have spent literally thousands of hours on the phone with my guy. I'll bet others have similar tales.

By the time I move there, we will have spent the equivalent of more than two months together 24/7. That's probably more than I spent with my former spouse of ten years before marrying him. And hey, if it doesn't work out, I can still go back to my first plan of moving to the Keys.

I was just mentioning to a friend this morning, if I hadn't already decided last year to retire and relocate this summer, I never would have even replied to my guy's first contact. There's no way I could endure this for longer than the year we'll be enduring it before my move.

Bottom line: if one of you does have the freedom to relocate, give it a go. On the other hand, if it is going to stay a long-distance relationship, it will probably be too painful and expensive.

 

[Wormil]

I've spent my fair share of time on the phone, online chatting when phone wasn't an option, driving weekends to visit (both traveled them), blah blah blah. And prior to that period was 4 years of relationship, not 'dating', but spending time together. The time apart crushed the other, and I regret not having a fun time the tons of female college women that were wanting to spend time with me.

How well did I know the other person and how much time was spent prior? Tons.
How did it end? Me not having much fun and her leaving with a kung fu master.

It's possible to hang out locally, and spend time not doing lame traditional dates and getting to know people.

 

[ScubaSam]

I've spent my fair share of time on the phone, online chatting when phone wasn't an option, driving weekends to visit (both traveled them), blah blah blah. And prior to that period was 4 years of relationship, not 'dating', but spending time together. The time apart crushed the other, and I regret not plowing the tons of female college ass that was wanting my manhood thrust every so lovingly into their pelvic regions.

How well did I know the other person and how much time was spent prior? Tons.
How did it end? Me not having much fun and her leaving with a kung fu master.

It's possible to hang out locally, and spend time not doing lame traditional dates and getting to know people.

I guess it's all a matter of what you prefer, Wormil.

If not having much fun and not doing lame traditional dates are your preferences then at least you know how to approach in your relationships.

 

[crd_kats]

Oh, Wormy would never be coo coo for cocoa puffs

 

[netmage]

Oh, Wormy would never be coo coo for cocoa puffs

This is how LDR's make Wormy feel....

 

[DebbyDiver]

Darned THANKS button is missing.

 

[Wormil]

I guess it's all a matter of what you prefer, Wormil.

If not having much fun and not doing lame traditional dates are your preferences then at least you know how to approach in your relationships.

With caution so I don't get herpes. That's a rule. Like 3.

I'll lay out some dating rules for people.

1.) Don't died.
2.) Don't died some one else.
3.) Don't get herpes.
4.) If you break rule 1, at least break it while doing something that could lead to breaking rule 3.
5.) If you break rule 2, at least break it while doing something that could lead to breaking rule 3.