Long Distance Relationship Advice Please!

[k ellis]

Well I met my wife while I was getting divorced from my ex wife. I was online and asked a friend in North Carolina if he knew any single women. He then told me about a woman my age who lived in Alabama and gave me her AOL Screen name. I then emailed her and we started talking (Oklahoma to Alabama in the U.S.). After about a month she told me she was involved in an auto accident so I flew out to meet her and talk with her face to face.

After we met well we hit it off well and so we decided to start dating officialy. After about a year I was informed my job was closing its doors and we were going to be laid off. After that I made the decision to move to Alabama to be with her permanently since I had nothing to loose.

Up to that point we had talked by AOL. and thanks to cell phones unlimited nights and weekend in 2001 we talked every night.

Now for the challenges it was at worst hearing her cry on the phone she wanted to hold me and not be able to be there to hold her. Long nights were spent talking about how she wanted to see a movie and I just was not able to pick her up and go to the movie with her. It was also a challenge to keep each other happy being so far apart too but we managed since we both agreed to base our life on Chirstianity. (Sorry for those who dont believe but Im stating facts for the purpose of explaning how this worked)

Another challenge was earning enough money to fly out to see her periodicly and vice versa.

Now what we did to make it a success was we stuck to our guns as we knew we were the one for each other. we always talked and we always put each other and God first.

It worked out well and the marriage was successful. She was by far the greatest gift in life I had ever received and hell yea I would do it again in a heart beat! and it was a year before I moved to be with her.

LOL now a question for you is are you in a LDR? And if so lets hear about it

 

[k ellis]

What were 3 challenges of a LDR and how did you cope with them? Not getting laid regularly was the main thing.

WOW Sas so much for modesty LOL......

 

[Sas]

WOW Sas so much for modesty LOL......

Hey... I am the most modest person EVER.

 

[drydiver]

If there is anything else I should have asked? no, but we'd love to know WHY you're asking. :blinking:

LOL now a question for you is are you in a LDR? And if so lets hear about it

I am not currently in a relationship, but this topic has been on my mind for a couple of reasons . . .

I was in an 11 yr relationship that ended 3 years ago, it started out long distance, but we had many years of friendship before that, after a year of all the torment described above, he moved from NJ to VA so we could be together. After we broke up and I started to think about what I would do the same and not. I originally thought, oh hell no, I am never going to do the long distance bit again, just too damn hard. I would imagine it is more difficult when you don't already have the established trust and familiarity like people who start a relationship as a LRD.

I have been single since then and my main social outlet is the diving community. I spend most of my free time diving or plotting my next dive adventure and would like my next partner to be a part of the diving world as well.

The dive community is well, geographically diverse and I have seen buddies struggle over the last few years with the long distance aspect that resulted by meeting and becoming involved with divers as partners.

I posted this thread as much for my benefit looking forward as for those I know who have struggled with, currently living in or are considering LDRs.

 

[DebbyDiver]

Thank you, Drydiver. I found it to be a really enjoyable thread, and I hope it helps a few people make a decision, or cope with what they already have.

For me, it was easy. Deciding between Mr. Right, geographically distant but the best-suited partner I could ever find, or Mr. Right Now, a quick driving distance but I'd never be truly happy, was a no-brainer. However, if I hadn't already decided, a few months before we ever knew each other existed, to retire young and relocate...it never would have happened. Everything aligned for us amazingly, and I can only believe that it was meant to be.

On the other hand, if I were unable to make such a big change in my life and relocate as I plan to, I never would have given him a chance from the get-go. What a shame that would have been.

I've told him a few times that he may not be perfect, but he's perfect for me. Every time my phone rings with the happy ring tone I assigned to his number, my heart does backflips and I get the hugest grin imaginable.

 

[k ellis]

I've told him a few times that he may not be perfect, but he's perfect for me. Every time my phone rings with the happy ring tone I assigned to his number, my heart does backflips and I get the hugest grin imaginable.

I remember those days My wife and I would call each other out of the blue at times and no matter what life was throwing at us one would bring a smile to the others face.

I would well consider a LDS now a days if it were absolutely beyond the shadow of the doubt like the way I was when I met my wife but as I have gotten older and aquired alot in life such as my home and vehicles and some what of a career (Even though I am not proud of the place Im at right now) it would be a lot to have to give up.

Alot of times LDRs work out really well in the beginning simply because the time and space keep some since of magic in the air. You have a love but at the same time your not able to breathe down each others necks.

When people get together is when the real test comes in because now they are a constant reality that it is in fact a relationship.

Like I said earlier I met the most wonderful woman of my life on the internet with over 800 miles of space in between and she was the most precious gift life had given me. If you really trully love someone then LDR is nothing but a test of love endurance and nothing more

 

[drydiver]

Thank you, Drydiver. I found it to be a really enjoyable thread, and I hope it helps a few people make a decision, or cope with what they already have.

For me, it was easy. Deciding between Mr. Right, geographically distant but the best-suited partner I could ever find, or Mr. Right Now, a quick driving distance but I'd never be truly happy, was a no-brainer.

On the other hand, if I were unable to make such a big change in my life and relocate as I plan to, I never would have given him a chance from the get-go. What a shame that would have been.

awww, thanks DebbyDiver

although I have been tempted with the Mr Right Now mentality, I am with you, holding out for Mr Right :bounce4:

sooo, about your last bit, reading between the lines there, if one is willing to entertain the possibility of Mr Right being long distance, one should also be willing / in a position to relocate, did I understand your sentiment correctly?

 

[DebbyDiver]

Yes, Mr. Right is worth holding out for. I made a conscious decision, after my last 4-year long term relationship with Mr. You'll Do, to hold out for Mr. Right. I went two entire years with out a date...no kissing...no nookie...VERY difficult...but, it was SO worth it because if I had not held out, I would have been too busy having nookie with Mr. Right Now to reply to Mr. Right, and I would not have been open to his initial advances.

Yes, someone needs to move. You know what, he offered to move here!!! What a guy. But, he is established down there, has a much better job than I do, one he loves, I detest my job and was going to retire in 2011 anyway ten years early, I am blessed in that I can retire ten years early, and, I am willing to get rid of most of my stuff (I don't have to...I want to). He's got so much stuff that it would never fit in my house. But more than that, to adjust to city life after 34 years of island bliss...he visited me for 12 days and I could see that it was very jarring to him. I then spent a few weeks on his island and fell in love with it. Then, I told him, honey, it's ok, thank you for the offer but I will come to you, it's for the best.

Life is too short to be with the wrong person or in the wrong job or in the wrong location. Find your bliss!!!

 

[annasea]

I don't have anything to add advice-wise, but I did want to chime in with an official 'kudos' to those who believe in LDRs and are prepared to make them work.

The world is a very big place (despite globalization)! What are the chances that a 'perfect' match is living within 25 miles of one's current location?

While I respect people's preference for wanting someone local, I much more understand those that are capable of putting a person before a place.

 

[DebbyDiver]

I want to add that communication is KEY. Someone slammed me recently by saying "oh, you're moving down there but you've only seen him twice." Well, semantically, that is true. However, we have spent thousands of hours on the phone (as evidenced by my Verizon bill) and the first of the "twice" was a ten day visit he made to me and the second of the "twice" was my own two week visit to see him...and my new home. (I'm also headed back for two weeks in March and he's spending nearly three weeks up here in May...cumulatively about as much time as a normal locally dating couple would spend together in three years, ya think?)

You see, if you date someone in your own area, you will spend time dining, going to movies, concerts, the mall, snuggling on the couch watching movies, enjoying nookie...but how much of that time are you actually communicating? If ALL you have is the phone, you have to make the best of communicating and getting to know one another. I probably know this man better, after five months, than I do my former spouse of ten years.

Awwww, I'm getting all mushy now. :daydreaming: