I agree with you as to terrible options. But the fact remains, if the alternative is drowning, all other options are worth considering.
Sorry, no. CESA is a terrible option. Yes it is better than drowning, but that is sort of irrelevant. We are talking about a dive plan, which means decisions that are made long before an accident happens.
To PLAN to do a CESA in case of catastrophic gas loss when there is a better alternative, unnecessarily puts yourself at risk of DCS and AGE. So yes, it can save your life if you have such a failure. But it's better not to have that as part of your backup plan.
Finally, I really don't understand why the issue of gas planning keeps coming up with respect to the need for a pony bottle. I agree that a pony bottle should never be used like a J valve in the pre-SPG era - that is, as a substitute for gas monitoring.
A pony bottle IMHO is for sudden gas loss (i.e. LP hose failure, first stage failure, or unstoppable free flow). These are not extremely rare, one happened to me. The only other scenario where I can envision needing an alternative gas supply is if your run time is extended by unplanned events like entrapment or entanglement.
If you want to bet your life that your buddy skills are such that your buddy is as reliable as an alternative gas supply, that's fine, but I prefer to carry my own backup.