I think my wife might be leaving me - but now SHE needs to decide....advice???

[ewaiea]

Don't worry about the kid....I'm clearly being made out as the bad guy to her.....after all I've done for the both of them - they can have each other. I just hope she doesn't change her mind last minute - I'm committed to leaving this time. A wife who loves a husband doesn't put their geographic location ahead of their marriage.

I mean heck, we were planning on moving up north in a year and a half anyway! Like I said, there is something more to the situation. I don't need to know what it is though, I've got all the info I need.

 

[cdiver2]

'm not worried about you guys knowing or not. I got home from work (after a 16 hour night shift on a Friday night) and it's pretty much decided - she wants out.

I could fight for this but I think there is more to it - maybe on her trip she met someone who directly or indirectly brought her to this mind set. I guess moving to the Pacific Northwest is more important than our marriage and now she's putting it on me. I don't care how or why she thinks this all of a sudden but I'll let her take her daughter and leave the state.

Seems insensitive but her mind is made up and therefore mine has to be as well. I told her I would pay for her plane ticket (since it's actually already booked on my credit card for another trip - we can just credit the ticket to her final destination). I told her that's the severence - there would be no alimony since she is leaving me.

She wants to stay under the same roof while she studies for her massage therepy license for Oregon and Washington - I told her I'd give her 3 months - by end of Christmas I will move out and divorce papers will be served. She's not telling me everything but I think I can piece the puzzle together.


I feel so hurt and alone - but I must move on with my life. I loved this woman and would lay down in front of a train for her and her daughter and she'd rather move up north, work two jobs, and maybe even go on public assistance than wait until we can move up there as a family! See what I mean? It doesn't add up - we have a comfortable, stable, loving home.

I won't consider marriage for at least 15 years - and NEVER will I ever get involved with someone with kids - it's just not worth it. I've seen both sides and I'll take childless by choice every day of the week and twice on Sunday. I don't care who disagrees with me - I now know what I want out of life and I have a chance to seize it at the cost of a few months of hard patience.

Ladies and Gentlemen, if you fall out of love at the drop of a hat - at least have the guts to stand up and tell your spouse the full story....

Oh and the vasectomy - that was all me. I just thought since I loved her I could do the step parent thing, I was told I was good at it and people thought her daughter was my real daughter too. We had alot in common - but I don't regret getting the snip. I would never want to be fertile again - just opens you up to too much financial and personal ruin. I know why those of you who have kids do it - I understand - but it's just not for me. I want to make money, travel, and maybe find someone who wants the same out of life. At least I'm secure in what I want and not afraid to admit it.

Everything is Ok then she go's on vacation without you then wanted a divorce when she came back?. Then refuses counseling. I think your gut feeling is correct and giving her 3 months is more than generous, think of yourself and get working on enjoying your new life.

 

[Down-under]

Good luck in a new life. Hope you make the diving community a big part of it.

 

[gypsyjim]

When I was married I had very little time to even think about diving. Now that I am back into diving, I give very little thought to marriage.

 

[ewaiea]

I already have the top 10 dive spot list for the next decade:
1. Palau
2. Cocos Island
3. Channel Islands, CA
4. Belize
5. Cayman Islands
6. Turks and Caicos
7. Fiji
8. Bali/Komodo
9. Great Lakes
10. Truk Lagoon

I'm brainstorming ski areas too.....

Thanks all for your advice - I do very much appreciate it.

 

[Down-under]

Don't see New Zealand on your list?

 

[dmoore19]

If the decision has been made, then the very next step is GET A LAWYER!!

A very wise man once told me "you never really know a woman until you meet her divorce lawyer".

Trust me when I tell you it may seem like everything is figured out, get it in writing and put it in the divorce!

I know divorce laws vary from state to state, find out what your state is like. Don't be surprised, get a lawyer.

Oh, and then go diving.

 

[SC_Hoaty]

Step #1 in a "friendly" divorce is to make sure the lawyers can agree to keep it friendly.

 

[dmoore19]

Step #1 in a "friendly" divorce is to make sure the lawyers can agree to keep it friendly.

I went through a "friendly" divorce about 15 years ago. It is amazing the things that can happen after you think it's done. Just trying to say it can be friendly but make sure that t's are crossed and i's are dotted, thats all.

 

[SC_Hoaty]

i went through a "friendly" divorce about 15 years ago. It is amazing the things that can happen after you think it's done. Just trying to say it can be friendly but make sure that t's are crossed and i's are dotted, thats all.

amen!