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H2Andy:
I find it amazing...
- Thread starter Firebrand
- Start date
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Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?
Because you can't bury them in trees!
Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
He was trying to make both ends meet!
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A collie-flower!
Why do dogs wag their tails?
"Because no one else will do it for them!"
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?
Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!
What is the dogs favorite city?
New Yorkie!
Who is the dogs favorite comedian?
Growlcho Marx!
What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?
"Well, doggone!"
What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
He stole the show!
How can tell if you have a stupid dog?
It chases parked cars!
Because you can't bury them in trees!
Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
He was trying to make both ends meet!
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A collie-flower!
Why do dogs wag their tails?
"Because no one else will do it for them!"
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?
Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!
What is the dogs favorite city?
New Yorkie!
Who is the dogs favorite comedian?
Growlcho Marx!
What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?
"Well, doggone!"
What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
He stole the show!
How can tell if you have a stupid dog?
It chases parked cars!
"How many dogs does it take to put in a light bulb?"
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Ten top ways to tell if Martha Stewart is stalking your dog
10. There's potpourri hanging from his/her collar.
9. The dog's nails have been cut with pinking shears.
8. The dog toys are all stored in McCoy crocks.
7. The pooper scooper has been decorated with raffia bows.
6. That telltale lemon slice in the new silver water bowl.
5. You find liver and whole wheat dog treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal icing using a #2 rosette tip.
4. Dog hair has been collected and put into wire baskets for nesting material for the birds.
3. A seasonally appropriate grapevine wreath adorns the front of your dog's crate.
2. Your dog goes outside naked and comes in wearing a thyme colored virgin wool hand-knitted sweater with matching boots.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY YOU KNOW THAT MARTHA STEWART IS STALKING YOUR DOG IS...
1. The dog droppings in your backyard have been sculpted into swans.
10. There's potpourri hanging from his/her collar.
9. The dog's nails have been cut with pinking shears.
8. The dog toys are all stored in McCoy crocks.
7. The pooper scooper has been decorated with raffia bows.
6. That telltale lemon slice in the new silver water bowl.
5. You find liver and whole wheat dog treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal icing using a #2 rosette tip.
4. Dog hair has been collected and put into wire baskets for nesting material for the birds.
3. A seasonally appropriate grapevine wreath adorns the front of your dog's crate.
2. Your dog goes outside naked and comes in wearing a thyme colored virgin wool hand-knitted sweater with matching boots.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY YOU KNOW THAT MARTHA STEWART IS STALKING YOUR DOG IS...
1. The dog droppings in your backyard have been sculpted into swans.
adurso
Contributor
Here is serendipity, someone just sent me these bon mots:
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. - Harry Falk
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.- Ann Landers
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.- Will Rogers
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. - M. Acklam
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. - Sigmund Freud
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Jody Falk
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items,which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard. - Dave Barry
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P. Jones
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. James Thurber
If your dog is fat you aren't getting enough exercise.-Unknown
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's $21.00 in dog money.- Joe Weinstein
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! - Anne Tyler
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
Speak softly and own a Great Dane. - Tom Cash
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' - Dave
Barry
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. Roger Caras
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. -Phil Pastoret
My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am. - Unknown
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. - Harry Falk
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.- Ann Landers
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.- Will Rogers
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. - M. Acklam
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. - Sigmund Freud
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Jody Falk
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items,which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard. - Dave Barry
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P. Jones
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. James Thurber
If your dog is fat you aren't getting enough exercise.-Unknown
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's $21.00 in dog money.- Joe Weinstein
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! - Anne Tyler
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
Speak softly and own a Great Dane. - Tom Cash
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' - Dave
Barry
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. Roger Caras
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. -Phil Pastoret
My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am. - Unknown
BabyDuck
Contributor
well, my first pet was a kitten named sandpiper. she just darted around the house when we first got her, like a - sandpiper.
anyway, that makes my stripper name sandpiper hurdle.
anyway, that makes my stripper name sandpiper hurdle.
SmokeAire
Contributor
adurso:
Doesn't that go for women also? :05:
BabyDuck
Contributor
i'd say that depends on if we're talking about talking or not.
H2Andy
Contributor
SmokeAire:Doesn't that go for women also? :05:
here's a shovel and there ---------->
is your own grave
seems to me Mistress Jenny has not done a good job with her Cabana Boy.
he is far too sassy and speaks out of turn
Mistress Jenny? I thought for me to be a mistress, He (in this case, KCB), would be married...hmm... problemo uno.
Also, I would be showered with gifts and trinklets...problemo dos
Then there is the main reason a person is a mistress, problemo tres. However, I am a roommate -platonic......
However, Andy, I do agree he is a bit sassy today...
Also, I would be showered with gifts and trinklets...problemo dos
Then there is the main reason a person is a mistress, problemo tres. However, I am a roommate -platonic......
However, Andy, I do agree he is a bit sassy today...
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