1: Don't swim in the ocean.
Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally
large bodies of water also known as oceans. The way to determine if you
are currently in an ocean is to taste the water, which should be salty.
(Exception: the Dead Sea.)
2: Listen out for the music.
In the event that you are foolish enough to recreate in
an ocean, listen carefully for the music, as demonstrated
in the marvelous documentary film ?Jaws.? All shark attacks
are preceded by the ?daah-da, daah-da? chords,which will gradually
become more rapid as the shark gets closer. This is due to the doppler
effect.
3: Swim with fat people.
Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions.
If you know them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion
with A-1 Steak Sauce. This will definitely improve your odds.
4: Don't panic.
In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to
remain calm. This really won't help you survive, but
everyone else on the beach will appreciate you not
shrieking madly, as this is quite unsettling.
Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally
large bodies of water also known as oceans. The way to determine if you
are currently in an ocean is to taste the water, which should be salty.
(Exception: the Dead Sea.)
2: Listen out for the music.
In the event that you are foolish enough to recreate in
an ocean, listen carefully for the music, as demonstrated
in the marvelous documentary film ?Jaws.? All shark attacks
are preceded by the ?daah-da, daah-da? chords,which will gradually
become more rapid as the shark gets closer. This is due to the doppler
effect.
3: Swim with fat people.
Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions.
If you know them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion
with A-1 Steak Sauce. This will definitely improve your odds.
4: Don't panic.
In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to
remain calm. This really won't help you survive, but
everyone else on the beach will appreciate you not
shrieking madly, as this is quite unsettling.