"Helpful" male dive buddies

[dytis-sm]

I think as in any other social situation when something bothers you, just politely let whoever bothers you know. I think that checking ones BC is "supervisory" in nature (seems like every time I dive with a DM they do that) and may appear as a "helpful gesture" but I think it is totally rude touching someones gear without asking or discussing it ahead. Particularly since our equipment are life support instruments. The whole issue is about manners in general which are less taught nowadays!

 

[TSandM]

I think the best way to convince someone that you are as competent and capable as he is, is to demonstrate it. And it doesn't really matter what they think of you, if their actions don't annoy you, does it? A polite smile and a nice statement that you're fine, and please not to fuss with your equipment, will keep everyone on friendly terms.

I'm a woman from another era, when women were not really expected to hold certain jobs or do certain things. I used to be pricklier than I am. If someone refused to allow me to go on a dive, or a boat, or a trip because I was a woman, then I'd get seriously bent out of shape. But the kind of thing you're describing just isn't worth making a fuss about. Now, if a polite request to leave your gear alone doesn't DO it, then you have to get a bit more in someone's face about it. But most people will back off if they are pleasantly asked to do so.

 

[chillyinCanada]

The scenario Quero set out is, to me a different situation than histrix's. Quero tried the jokes, the lighthanded way at first but her antagonist truly is a thick-headed jackass. Once established, then there is nothing left for it but the strong and direct approach.

It may come to that for histrix too, but for now it looks like she'll first be giving the elder statesman the benefit of the doubt.

 

[drbill]

I sure wish the ladies would start checking my gear! Seriously, I find your experience to be somewhat insulting to you. The women I dive with are almost all dive professionals and most are better divers than I am. I don't mind them pointing things out because at my age I do forget occasionally (not a good thing since I dive solo 95% of the time).

I will occasionally stop divers of either gender if I see something amiss as they begin to descend the dive park stairs. I just wish I could have "caught" the male diver who entered the water without his weight belt... AND without his tank (regulator twisting and turning behind him in the water!).

 

[Wookie]

Have you not perfected "the look"? As ChillyinCanada only understands one thing about men , I only understand one thing about women. That's "the look".

 

[Herb-alaska]

Have you not perfected "the look"? As ChillyinCanada only understands one thing about men , I only understand one thing about women. That's "the look".

I think every male over the age of 1 understands "the look" we may not understand why we received it but Lordy we know we got it and we better figure it out fast or life as we once knew it is over

 

[Histrix]

I sure wish the ladies would start checking my gear! Seriously, I find your experience to be somewhat insulting to you. The women I dive with are almost all dive professionals and most are better divers than I am. I don't mind them pointing things out because at my age I do forget occasionally (not a good thing since I dive solo 95% of the time).

The reciprocal gear checking strategy actually worked pretty well when my husband had just gotten his divemaster certification and was being overzealous. He did the whole "tourist bc/regulator check" on me, and I did the same with him We now check each other over thoroughly (but not patronizingly thoroughly) before getting in the water, and we know each other's gear inside and out. This keeps us safer, and it also stopped the annoying behavior.

I tried this with the other guy last time, and he sort of blew me off. It actually would have been helpful to take a look at his setup, because he was wearing a back plate and a side mount, and I'm not especially familiar with that gear. Some of these guys are into tech, and it looks like they've made some interesting modifications to their gear configuration.

In any case, it's just annoying and really doesn't cause any actual problems. Maybe after I dive with them a few more times, they'll give it a rest.

 

[chillyinCanada]

Why are these big brothers feeling compelled to be so "helpful" if your husband is your buddy and you two are doing good mutual buddy checks? Am I missing something here?

 

[ScubaSteve1962]

Have any fellow female divers here been treated in a patronizing way by men in their dive group? My husband and I dive as a part of larger groups these days, and I am often the only woman there. Although we are both fairly experienced and watch out for each other when we're out, I've had random men in the group approach me to check that my gear is assembled properly, offer helpful tips for beginners, and generally treat me like an idiot. On one occasion, someone came up to me and tested my reg and bc inflator while I was wearing my gear without even asking me -- like some dive masters do with inexperienced tourists at resorts. I know that they're probably trying to be helpful, but I'm getting annoyed. Leaving the group isn't a great option. My husband likes diving with these guys, and it makes me feel better having more people around while we are out. Any tips on how to deal with this situation without alienating people?

when out diving I assume that everyone else is at least OW certified. If they are not then I assume they are with an instructor. so they should know how, or have someone else there to check their gear. If I see someone struggling to reach their reg or zip up their wet suit , I will help.

Also if you've been diving with this group for awhile, why don't they know by now that you're capable of handling yourself and your gear??

 

[bbarnett51]

Be blunt. Guys are idiots and I know this bc I am one. However I learned a long time ago that women are some of the best divers.

I would be annoyed as well.