"Helpful" male dive buddies

[Histrix]

Have any fellow female divers here been treated in a patronizing way by men in their dive group? My husband and I dive as a part of larger groups these days, and I am often the only woman there. Although we are both fairly experienced and watch out for each other when we're out, I've had random men in the group approach me to check that my gear is assembled properly, offer helpful tips for beginners, and generally treat me like an idiot. On one occasion, someone came up to me and tested my reg and bc inflator while I was wearing my gear without even asking me -- like some dive masters do with inexperienced tourists at resorts. I know that they're probably trying to be helpful, but I'm getting annoyed. Leaving the group isn't a great option. My husband likes diving with these guys, and it makes me feel better having more people around while we are out. Any tips on how to deal with this situation without alienating people?

 

[Herb-alaska]

Have any fellow female divers here been treated in a patronizing way by men in their dive group? My husband and I dive as a part of larger groups these days, and I am often the only woman there. Although we are both fairly experienced and watch out for each other when we're out, I've had random men in the group approach me to check that my gear is assembled properly, offer helpful tips for beginners, and generally treat me like an idiot. On one occasion, someone came up to me and tested my reg and bc inflator while I was wearing my gear without even asking me -- like some dive masters do with inexperienced tourists at resorts. I know that they're probably trying to be helpful, but I'm getting annoyed. Leaving the group isn't a great option. My husband likes diving with these guys, and it makes me feel better having more people around while we are out. Any tips on how to deal with this situation without alienating people?

from a man ok

Be blunt it works " say the day I can't handle my own gear is the day I stop diving. Please don't ever touch my gear I like to always be the only person to deal with it" the word will get around after a few times

 

[maniago]

Any tips on how to deal with this situation without alienating people?

I'm a guy. I dive with my wife routinely. As long as I make sure that I check my wifes gear, and make sure I'm making a display of it, noone bothers her. Its like an african lion pride thing - neglect your spouse, and other males will step in to make you look bad. Ok that's a bit melodramatic; but to be harsh, its your husbands fault, not yours. The guys are just exhibiting protective behaviour they see as missing, but they don't know they're doing it.

However, if you tell them to back off, and that's what you want, you're on your own with your husband. No guy will re-engage you on your gear.

 

[uncfnp]

In a word ...no. And agree with first poster. Be straight forward and tell them to leave your gear alone. They don't listen, start adjusting their gear. I think they will get the idea. It's your gear, your life. Don't worry about offending if that's what it takes. They may even respect you for it. Men, go figure...

 

[maniago]

Men, go figure...

hey, I just tried to explain why the behavior is - if you don't wish to understand it, that's your problem. It still is. OP can go about figuring out how to modify it - flip them the bird, or make the situation clear that its not necessary. I believe that's what the OP wanted.

 

[Aguablanco1]

We have been taught since childhood that we should "protect" the women folk. Right or wrong, most of us have a hard time letting go of that. A direct approach will likely be needed to stop the behavior. However, as another poster noted, once stopped it will, in all likelihood, never happen again. Even if someone sees some glaring error. As I have always said, be careful what you ask for, you just may get it.
RichH

 

[uncfnp]

We have been taught since childhood that we should "protect" the women folk. Right or wrong, most of us have a hard time letting go of that. A direct approach will likely be needed to stop the behavior. However, as another poster noted, once stopped it will, in all likelihood, never happen again. Even if someone sees some glaring error. As I have always said, be careful what you ask for, you just may get it.
RichH

How very childish that response would be. I sincerely hope that is not true. "Protecting" would be responding to a problem. Assuming she is less capable simply because she is female is not "protection."

 

[BUDMANOK]

make a joke about it like "they are still looking for the last guy who touched my gear without asking" they will get the point and laugh.

 

[mrokern]

Keep your hands off people who don't ask you to touch them. It's that simple. Good rule for life in general.

How hard is it to see a problem, tell the person, and ask if they'd like help?

 

[c5diver]

see I am stand back unless somebody 1. somebody asks for help. or 2. I see an issue like your inflator is not hooked up, but even then I tell them and if its out of reach or tangled I then will touch your gear. I don't know you dive history you may be an instructor I watch whats around me and help full when I can be.
I was on a dive boat in key largo and this lady was putting her gear together and I piped up with a "hey you might want to" and she jump on me with "i'm an instructor I know what i'm doing" so I said suit yourself as she assembled the rest of her gear with the rope around the top of her tank under her regs. she found it when she got into her bc and tried to stand. I just looked at her and said " I tried to help you "
the only thing hurt was her pride and the way her students looked at her that were on the boat was pretty good.