Funniest Diving quotes you have heard
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caseybird
Contributor
Well, formerly rich, and diving IS a way better use of time than work...
Fat Chicks rock.
OWD Theory Class.
Student 1: " Yeah but what about sharks?"
Instructor:"OK Guys, as a buddy team if you see a shark, what do you do?"
Student 1: "Stay together near the bottom and hope he goes away".
Student 2: "Back to Back, link arms and make a slow ascent to the surface and get on the boat real quick."
Student 3:" Stick my Dive Knife in my buddy as hard as I can and get the hell out of there........."
(Instructor thinking: " You are going to have a lot of volunteers to be your buddy, number 3!")
Student 1: " Yeah but what about sharks?"
Instructor:"OK Guys, as a buddy team if you see a shark, what do you do?"
Student 1: "Stay together near the bottom and hope he goes away".
Student 2: "Back to Back, link arms and make a slow ascent to the surface and get on the boat real quick."
Student 3:" Stick my Dive Knife in my buddy as hard as I can and get the hell out of there........."
(Instructor thinking: " You are going to have a lot of volunteers to be your buddy, number 3!")
ScubaSteve
Wow.....what a DB
His first post is a huge :shelli: WooHoo. Thanks for resurrecting this thread....it is kind of fun. 
Last edited:
SSI Nitrox class. My instructions were to READ the book. Several times. Learn the math and theory. You will be expected to know what is in the book in class. I assume everyone gets these instructions.
In class. Buffy gets everything wrong... MOD, PPO etc. Instructor (Coby formerly of SCubaWorks) Did you even read the book at all??
Buffy-- I figured why bother I have an air intregrated computer and it figures everything out for me.
Coby- But you need to know what mix you need to bring to each dive.
Buffy- Oh no.. I bought the expensive one that sets all that for me.
Me- Huh? Really? WoW--- it has an O2 Sesor in it....
Coby-- to Buffy Nope. You fail read the book come back next week.
In class. Buffy gets everything wrong... MOD, PPO etc. Instructor (Coby formerly of SCubaWorks) Did you even read the book at all??
Buffy-- I figured why bother I have an air intregrated computer and it figures everything out for me.
Coby- But you need to know what mix you need to bring to each dive.
Buffy- Oh no.. I bought the expensive one that sets all that for me.
Me- Huh? Really? WoW--- it has an O2 Sesor in it....
Coby-- to Buffy Nope. You fail read the book come back next week.
I have all the respect in the world for DIR divers and Tech / Cave divers... I do not want to be one but I understand where they are coming from and where I am.
I really do not care for the posers. The braggart with their tech rig and no clue why they are just trying to fit in with the cool divers and poo poo anyone else with Rec gear.
Dive boat $3k worth of gear diver who is dumbfounded as to how to rig his gear. "I dive a tech rig. My set up is tech. This is a Halcyon it is the best. I have the Scubapro XJ2010 Space oddessy poiseidien it is rated to 500 fathoms. You suck. I am better. I have spring straps. Why are you wearing split fins you are going to die.
Me- Why is your reg hose so damn long?
Him- It is a tech rig.
Me- Oh I am not a tech diver. I do not understand. Why is it so long?
Him- It is a tech rig.
Me- Why is it so long though?
Him- It is tech.
Me- Yeah but why is it so long?
Him- Because that is the way THEY wear them.
Me- Oh okay. But um.. why is it do long?
Him-- er er... it is a tech long hose.
Me- Why is the tech hose so long.
Him- because.
Me- because why?
Him- (Noticeable irrated) It is a TECH RIG.
I keep that up until we actually get in the water.... Fool does not even know why youse guys have a long hose but has one anyway.. I find that REAALLLLYY funny.
I really do not care for the posers. The braggart with their tech rig and no clue why they are just trying to fit in with the cool divers and poo poo anyone else with Rec gear.
Dive boat $3k worth of gear diver who is dumbfounded as to how to rig his gear. "I dive a tech rig. My set up is tech. This is a Halcyon it is the best. I have the Scubapro XJ2010 Space oddessy poiseidien it is rated to 500 fathoms. You suck. I am better. I have spring straps. Why are you wearing split fins you are going to die.
Me- Why is your reg hose so damn long?
Him- It is a tech rig.
Me- Oh I am not a tech diver. I do not understand. Why is it so long?
Him- It is a tech rig.
Me- Why is it so long though?
Him- It is tech.
Me- Yeah but why is it so long?
Him- Because that is the way THEY wear them.
Me- Oh okay. But um.. why is it do long?
Him-- er er... it is a tech long hose.
Me- Why is the tech hose so long.
Him- because.
Me- because why?
Him- (Noticeable irrated) It is a TECH RIG.
I keep that up until we actually get in the water.... Fool does not even know why youse guys have a long hose but has one anyway.. I find that REAALLLLYY funny.
In case we start taking on water and sinking the emergency exits are everywhere you see water. If you think it is too far to jump .... just wait the water will come to you.
ON a Ft Laud tourist boat..
DM - Do you have a dive buddy?
ME- Sure Do! Boyle, Archimedes, and Dalton.. I'll be fine.
FireAcademy Cadet when I was in the LEO academy. I was tipped off this guy is always spinning yarns and lies and asked to sit in while they egged him on.
FFC- Oh yeah I dove in the NAVY. I was the top diver in my class. I dove deeper than anyone for our final test.
Me- WoW no kiddin. What kind of gas mix did you breathe.
FFC- Trimix.
Me- Trimix.. wow is that like three kinds of gases all mixed up or one at a time?
FFC- All at once (no lie he said this) Nitrox, Oxygen and Carbon Monoxide.
ME- LIAR!
FFC- What?
ME- You are a lying &^%$$##$$^^^^ sack of ##&&%%% if you were in the LEO Academy you would get thrown out for lying. Unlike you FFC we have a code of ethics and you sir are a blaytent liar. You do not even know enough about diving to lie about it. I would never try to lie about skydiving because I do not have a clue how to do it. You sir are a Liar and I leave you to your shame.
I'm kinda confrontational like that.
ON a Ft Laud tourist boat..
DM - Do you have a dive buddy?
ME- Sure Do! Boyle, Archimedes, and Dalton.. I'll be fine.
FireAcademy Cadet when I was in the LEO academy. I was tipped off this guy is always spinning yarns and lies and asked to sit in while they egged him on.
FFC- Oh yeah I dove in the NAVY. I was the top diver in my class. I dove deeper than anyone for our final test.
Me- WoW no kiddin. What kind of gas mix did you breathe.
FFC- Trimix.
Me- Trimix.. wow is that like three kinds of gases all mixed up or one at a time?
FFC- All at once (no lie he said this) Nitrox, Oxygen and Carbon Monoxide.
ME- LIAR!
FFC- What?
ME- You are a lying &^%$$##$$^^^^ sack of ##&&%%% if you were in the LEO Academy you would get thrown out for lying. Unlike you FFC we have a code of ethics and you sir are a blaytent liar. You do not even know enough about diving to lie about it. I would never try to lie about skydiving because I do not have a clue how to do it. You sir are a Liar and I leave you to your shame.
I'm kinda confrontational like that.
segundo3000gt
Contributor
my coworkers asked why i sounded excited after i got off the phone with a LDS. i told them because i was told you could see the canoe from the toilet. what they didn't know is that i was talking about the submerged dive platforms at a local lake. one of the platforms has a toilet tied to the top of it and there is a submerged canoe about 30 feet away, so visibility is at least 30 feet which is pretty good for local minneapolis lakes. i can't figure out why my coworkers think i'm strange.
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