In an emergency, though, you need to ditch your weights first which, IIRC, isn't done in CESA during OW training. This does cause me to question the validity of still teaching it, or at least requiring it for certification.
I would never have my students ditch weight if we were doing a CESA. It is controlled....not a buoyant ascent. Weight dropping is another skill and any instructor should discuss the differences between the two and why and when you would need them. Although for the record, I will state that I don't think a weight drop is needed when diving a balanced rig. Caveat being in very cold water, drysuit, steel cylinder and thick undergarments. It can be very possible that in those conditions, a weight drop would be needed and turn into a buoyant ascent.
Definitely wasn't fun... feel like abandoning the dream...!
DO NOT QUIT!!! An old Navy saying is that calm seas never made a skillful sailor. You have fought through a bad experience and, upon completion of the course, will look back and learn much from it.
Strangely enough my 'Other Half' is a Padi OW instructor & First Aid Instructor (in case I drown!) but I didnt want her to teach me...or the company that she works for. There's no one I trust more with my safety, so perhaps I'll hire gear & finish the dives with her after all...
Still debating whether it's all worth it as I feel a bit scarred by the fact that it was.. "ok failed.. get out..." (not as harsh as that, but it felt like it....)
I understand not wanting your spouse to teach you. I have taught another instructor's daughter due to the family dynamics that can come into play during a course. Not sure why you don't want the company she works for to teach you but if it is not because they suck...then maybe use another instructor at her shop.
I will say that when you do change instructors, be sure to explain to the new instructor the issues you had with weighting. I would not go not detail about the CESA but would absolutely make sure they know you were overweighted and thus will need to do a proper weight check prior to any other skills being done.
I know you spoke to the instructor that day but it might not be a bad idea to address your concerns with them again. Talk about being overweighted and having to kick hard too stay afloat at the surface. You may be able to correct any issues with this followup now that they're not in the water. Some instructors aren't worth this time. Others just don't see their failure in the moment but on reflection can accept it. Since they forbid dumping weights at the surface AND overweighted you I'd ask to either have a private lesson with them to finish the cert or to join their next class. Either way you've paid them for the instruction and have not received it.
Edit: if they still seem like a clown after your conversation just ask your partner to certify you and enjoy diving with them.
I would add that if this was me, I would have another conversation with the instructor about me being overweighted on the dive. If that does not cause them do agree to do a proper weight check before moving on, I would then go to the shop manager or training director and discuss it with them. The shop needs to be aware of the deficiencies of the instructor. Now, maybe they already know and overweighting is something they prefer to do, I have no way of knowing but if they don't know, then you not speaking to them allows this instructor to continue what is a very dangerous practice.
If the shop then does not act, move on and find someone better.