Wow... I mean, seriously wow. A couple of those paragraphs were intense, granted your reality was way more intense.
Caves have never been my thing, the ocean is my life. I met a few GUE divers in the 90's through rec scuba. Didn't quite "share" dives with them but did dive from the same charters many times and shared after-dive meals out of Boynton. Pretty soon I started resent them for the way they could suck the fun out of diving, I'm glad my brain is immune to this search for perfection when it comes to fun and pleasure.
A very good friend of mine used to carry tanks for them in Wakulla, every so often he was allowed to actually take 1 or 2 bottles to some stop few feet in whatever leg of the cave they were doing. They just got to him, he worried so much about being just perfect underwater, he no longer dives.
I thought of him reading what you describe about being so close to "IT" but oh no, you're not good enough yet. Go back invest more time and money, you are still not worthy to enjoy this ride. Pffffff doesn't sound like fun at all. No wonder some people used to accuse them of being a cult.
Glad to read you and your wife enjoy caves now.
Yikes. I have friends who in the midst of GUE tech training. Friend told me they moved D rings a wee bit as it was much easier to clip things on with that very small adjustment. I was told instructor did NOT like it at all, and made student move D rings back to original location. Didn’t matter that then made clipping more difficult. Student sounded just totally frustrated with the entire situation. I can’t imagine. Perfect is the only possible result. “Good enough” isn’t. No, thank you. Perfect seems to suck the fun out of diving. Good enough works for me.