I certified with my husband and we did everything together, however over the past 12 months things have changed.
when things go wrong with my kit he insists its me, even when I've proved its not and guides with us have verified it.
While this has me wondering if this is just an outward manifestation of some underlying dissatisfaction about something else, I doubt Scuba Board is going to handle the non-diving aspects of the relationship.
then when we're on holiday he will make friends with other males who's wives won't dive and basically goes off with them. If we dive as a trio, he will leave me, exclude me or we don't get to do the things I want to do, yet I do what they want to do.
It would be interesting to know what type of holidays these are, to what destinations? I'm wondering if it's somewhere with a range of activities, like a Sandals, or mainly just diving (e.g.: Bonaire), or what?
What is it that they want to do (that you presumably don't)?
What is it you want to do (that they presumably don't)?
Sounds like competing agendas, you think you're giving/accommodating more than he is, and he's diving with others he doesn't have to accommodate with?
Buddy interest mismatches are common. One likes to swim over large stretches of reef surveying the landscape & looking at big stuff, one wants to hunt anemone shrimp & nudibranches
slowly. Do a forum search & read over some threads discussing the buddy system; some people want elbow-to-elbow never beyond arm's length separation, some want 'I can look around & see you' and some go in the water together because the dive boat op. demanded buddy diving.
then I find out he has been sneeking off at weekends to dive with the boys again excluding me (their wives won't dive). I asked him about it and he said that I wouldn't have wanted to go and I'm holding him back.
Why he needs to sneak off (which is hard to do with scuba gear) I'd like to know. Were he up front, would you oppose him?
Any chance he wants 'guy time,' and instead of a sports bar or whatever, this is how he likes it?
If he's diving with other guys, maybe it would be awkward in their little get together if someone's wife came. Perhaps his buddy's wife wouldn't like his buddy diving with you, another woman, being involved? Just a possibility. You sort of allude to the 'mixed company' diving effect when you say this:
our other people who we dive with are couples like we were, but then I feel like I can't go just with them as it ruins the dynamics.
Perhaps you should adapt to a new dynamic then? Back when me wife was diving, a good single friend of ours usually dove with us. Just because we're married doesn't mean we're limited to diving with each other or couples.
In what way would you be holding him back? Does he want to dive more often, longer, deeper, swim faster covering more area, engage in a looser buddy style, etc…?
In another thread, some of the divers spoke of their wive's wanting to hold hands. I don't get that sense from you, but it does speak to the fact sometimes a diving spouse may have an influence on a dive different from diving with a non-romantic partner.
Understanding why he wants to do some of his diving with other people may or may not resolve what you see as a problem (does he see it as a problem?), but it would be interesting to know and might give you some peace of mind.
Richard.
P.S.: Oh, wow! On this thread do I get to be the one to bring it up? You've got over 100 dives, yes? Well, then you could do an SDI Solo or PADI Self-Reliant Diver course & start solo diving...
