Dive buddy's as a woman

[chillyinCanada]

Rosie, you said something else that I find relevant. You told us your instructor said you are the better diver. He's been going off with the other guys to be ABLE to compete with you.

I'm sorry for him.

But you! You've got a great diving future ahead of you. People to meet and places to go.

Loved what ScubaJenny said in her post above, particularly the last sentence.

(Don't get mad, or get even, just go dive!)

 

[kathydee]

There is great advice on this thread. I totally agree, don't follow him. Swim your own path !

I was originally certified with my ex husband and could instantly feel that dynamic of him trying to be better at the sport. Both he and the instructor (who did our OW dives) had an attitude of male superiority which made me feel clumsy, and incapable.

Fortunately I was already quite accomplished in another sport, so had no interest in the helpless scuba female role. Thus, I ended up seeking more advanced training on my own. For me it was GUE, but there are many different paths.

I connected with our GUE community and met many great partners. Came back to the relationship/dive partnership with ninja diving skills and continued to advance through training and mentoring without relying on him at all.

By gaining more advanced skills and learning about my own equipment, the gender dynamic was solved and his attitude was not in the way of my progress as a diver. We did dive together after that, but the dynamics were quite different .

There are much more important attributes to look for in a buddy than gender. I have some great female and male dive partners - and am much more interested in their partner and dive skills than in their gender.

Once you stand on your own two feet as an independent diver - you will quickly outgrow the "female beginner role" But often it takes standing up for your right to carry your own tanks, assemble your own equipment, the ability to plan and lead your own dives & make good judgement calls . This will come with more diving and continued scuba education .

I agree with the others, joining a dive club is a great idea.

Good luck!

 

[Dauntless]

You make friends with the other men whose wives don't dive and go off with them too

 

[jm]

Before you run to see a marriage counsellor, chillyinCanada may have identified the problem. Perhaps your husband knows you are the better diver and has issues dealing with it. Not every guy can admit something like that. I know, as my wife is actually the better of the two of us at diving. She has better air consumption (all females pretty much win on that count), better situational awareness and basically looks more put together than I when diving. I have seen this before between couples and ultimately it begins to look like a competition where the guy is trying to outdo his wife and usually fails miserably. The outcome is resentment and frustration for both.

Perhaps letting him dive with his buddies for awhile will give him some time to realize that diving is not competitive sport. Also, the guys will tell him how lucky he is to have a wife that dives so eventually he will come to see the error of his ways.

 

[hedgehog47]

I would be THRILLED to meet a girl into diving, and at the very least might make time for dives with her and other times for dives with buddies. her safety would be paramount over my own and I certainly would not be ditching her, I don't care how big the lobster is.

 

[Scuba_Jenny]

Ohhh, a man who writes all the right things..

 

[chillyinCanada]

Tom, all that matters are buddy skills. Didn't you see the recently resurrected thread about LGBTQ divers?

 

[gcarter]

Rosie, you said something else that I find relevant. You told us your instructor said you are the better diver. He's been going off with the other guys to be ABLE to compete with you.

I'm sorry for him.

But you! You've got a great diving future ahead of you. People to meet and places to go.

Loved what ScubaJenny said in her post above, particularly the last sentence.

(Don't get mad, or get even, just go dive!)

She also said "the people he dives with are less experienced Ie newly qualified"

Seems pretty obvious to me what the fundamental issue is: he feels threatened.

To me, this is also a major relationship issue, the fact that your communication is insufficient to resolve this. IMO unless and until this changes you are actually better off not diving together. I personally would not want a dive buddy who holds any resentment towards me.

 

[bilsant]

Topical but not quite related story. My most regular dive buddy - "H" - is a lady who is a great match in skill level, speed, gas consumption, and judging when to turn or call a dive. My wife, who isn't a diver, likes her and is glad I'm with a reliable dive partner.

Three years ago, H came across a great deal for diving Bonaire. I've never dived out of the country, so I went back to Mrs. Bilsant and tactfully enquired as to her thoughts on the matter. She pondered a bit and then suggested not only that I go, but have a great time and she felt better in knowing H would be along.

Over the next few days, H also spoke to R, C, D, and A - all lady divers of our acquaintance who announced they were coming too.

When I went back and related this bit of info to the Mrs., she gently smiled the smile of an executioner, and sweetly suggested I go right along, as she'd have no problem finding 5 male nondivers to keep her company in my absence.






I've still never been to Bonaire.


In short, each person in a relationship deserves to enjoy themselves at their own pace in their hobbies without feeling the need to drag / be dragged along by the other.

But there are limits.

 

[drrich2]

In short, each person in a relationship deserves to enjoy themselves at their own pace in their hobbies without feeling the need to drag / be dragged along by the other.

But there are limits.

I love it! One thing this thread reflects is the variation in companionate practices; just how much togetherness time people spend. Interesting subject. Some people are in the 'we do everything together' boat. Some of us pursue separate interests. It gets all the more interesting when the subject of separate vacations comes up.

Richard.