Did you keep diving after having children?

[Cacia]

I had a few years of no diving as I did not like leaving them under five. (I could have...but I was a bit rabid) Then once they were about eight...I started leaving them a lot. They were very competent alone while I dove closeby (Catalina). They babysat themselves very well--no cooking, no swimming, etc at a young age compared to their friends.
My daughter has been diving since about nine, certed at ten.
I feel guilty on weekends for leaving my son and taking off...but not guilty enough to not go. The biggest problem for me, is that I cannot justify (or provide) the money to take them to the places I go. They are just as happy to go to a neighbor island or california, as opposed to 8 hour flights to the South pacific or Caribbean. They both take the bus from very young and enjoy "getting around" solo, so that frees me up quite a bit.

I am sure I am more selfish than most...seems actually good for the kids in some ways. I don't get unhappy with them when I am having a good pleasure: effort ratio. You know what they say "when mama isn't happy, nobody is happy!"

 

[BKP]

I'm with you there, Jim.... Parenting is great... I love my kids... but there is something magical about a few peaceful moments.....

One thing that most people don't realize until it's too late. You MUST take time for yourself. Your kids have play time and so should you. If you don't you will become the boring parent you are scared of being. (not to mention, psychotic)

It's harder, but you and your husband MUST schedule 'date nights' and 'date dives'.

Dave... words to live by...

My wife and I have five kids... (count 'em... FIVE). The two older boys are relatively self-sufficient now, however, that still leaves 7 and 13 year old girls, and a 16 year old boy. Difference is we didn't even *start* diving until all the kids were here...

We try to go by a similar philosophy, that *we* need playtime as well...

There's no doubt, the kids can limit the excursions, however, you simply find the workaround. We found a local 'kids-friendly' quarry where the kids can snorkel, while we dive. We found an excellent 'nanny' that now stays with them if we want to take 4 days to a week for a dive trip (which of course, will never be as frequent as I'd like). However, we're making it work.

Toughest part is keeping in mind that making time for yourselves is NOT selfish... it's necessary... more, it's survival...

 

[DaytonaDave]

Toughest part is keeping in mind that making time for yourselves is NOT selfish... it's necessary... more, it's survival...

It took me a while to realize this... My parents do a lot of babysitting for me (after school) and always try to make me feel bad if I do something for myself. I don't even ask them for help when it's something for me anymore. Once I realized that they NEVER did anything for themselves AT ALL until I was an adult, I came to the conclusion that I will not live like that. Once I did, my stress level dropped significantly.

 

[capybara]

Here's some food for thought for people on the fence:

To Breed or Not to Breed
Tick Tick Tick
Maybe Baby

 

[DaytonaDave]

Capybara,

I read the first article.... and I find it fascinating. I went through phases... wanting to be single, free, fun, spontaneous, but I had this overtone the whole time that I wasn't a complete person without a child... When I had my kids I became the father I always wanted to be. I cannot imagine my life without my kids...

That being said, I can see the other side of the picture because I love to experience life. I've always been adventurous... flying, jet skis, snow skiing, travelling, fast cars, diving.... but all of that changed until the kids were old enough to trust with others. Now, I'm learing to be me again. Balancing my needs with the kids. They aren't going to be happy this weekend... they're spending Friday night at my parents' home due to me having a late freelance job... and Saturday and Sunday being moved from place to place and spending the night with my brother so that I can take my AOW course. It's something that I have decided I MUST do before I leave Florida.

I feel that there is no need for every couple to have children. Our population is growing at an exponential rate... there are starving and neglected children everywhere... Why have a child because it's the expected norm? It was right for me... but to those who decide not to... I say good choice.

 

[DaytonaDave]

They both take the bus from very young and enjoy "getting around" solo, so that frees me up quite a bit.

Could never get away with this here... too dangerous.

 

[Cacia]

yes, but please realize too that children who are used to more autonomy are less likely to become victims, especially girls who are socialized to "make nice" and go along with everyone. I think riding the bus with the full social spectrum allows them to develop their radar and insticts. Beleive me, I followed the bus in my car for a long time in Santa Barbara and sat outside the donut shop watching people push past my five year old in line like she was not there. Society does not support this method but I think my kids are safer for it now.

Middle class kids in suburbs have been overly domesticated and crippled with too much adult supervision and structure.
In my humble opinion, of course.

Interesting links. and John Edwards wife was 48 when she had those twins!

yes...I needed to spawn. I should have paced myself though...I am running on fumes with a couple years left to go.

 

[capybara]

Dave, good luck on your AOW! Nice that you are able to make time for yourself as well as the kids. Maybe they can join you soon.
Catherine, so I looked up John Edward's wife Elizabeth--that's amazing, she had one at age 48 and another one at 50! (Not her eggs though). As much as I love to dive, I don't want to wait THAT long!
My mom had her 5th at 44. My grandma (her mom) had her 9th at the same time the eldest daughter was having the first grandkid! (In kindergarten, my cousin used to call her "Auntie" in front of the other kids to make her mad). I am way behind, looks like I have some serious catching up to do, ha ha.

 

[docmojo]

For me it is a no brainer... I had children passed them off from time to time with good ole grandma and grandpa. Went for my dive weekends and now that my kids are old enought to dive with us we dive as a family.. I love the time we spend together and your kids have GREAT stories of what I did during the summer break.. The family that divers together.... need more money..HAHAHAHA happy diving!!!

 

[DaytonaDave]

Society does not support this method but I think my kids are safer for it now.

Wow, I thought you did this in Hawaii.... Society isn't always right. Though I try to raise my kids in a 'normal' fashion, I can't always do that as a single father... I make my own rules... I force my kids to do stuff outside of their comfort zone so they don't get too set in their ways... I don't think I could trust my kids to get on a bus by themselves, though.

Sounds like you're giving your kids some good life lessons and building their confidence. I've been approaching the confidence building lessons myself, but nothing that grandiose yet... just making my son take the shopping cart back into the store from across the parking lot (while I watch) and cleaning up after cub scout events and such... He's a little behind the social curve (late learner), but improves in leaps and bounds lately. The area we're moving to is a very nice neighborhood and I intend to give him some freedom (with a watch!) so that he learns independence. My brother and I used to spend entire days in the woods by ourselves at his age.