Dear Dork Divers Advice Column – Ask us your questions

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DDivers do NOT advocate using UNSAFE gear like homemade regulators slapped together with a small tuna can, a can lid, baby's pacifier, duct tape and the springs from 3 Bic pens.
Actually, I dare say I'm going to have to clarify that one. :biggrin:

Dork Divers do not advocate diving unsafely. However, if you have a reasonable plan and appropriate backup, I can't help but think that it would be absolutely hilarious to dive a homemade regulator slapped together with a small tuna can, a can lid, baby's pacifier, duct tape, and the springs from three BIC pens. Of course, it probably should be something like a 25-foot dive at Vortex Spring, with an amply-sized slung pony with well-tested reg, plus a qualified buddy in close proximity.

In other words, it's not that you shouldn't dive with unreliable gear, but rather, that you *should* dive with sufficient reliable gear and procedures to have a sufficient safety margin.

One of my many, many favorite things is to remove my fins during a pool, spring, or lake dive (i.e. a dive where there are no waves or currents to cause problems) and to swim around with them on the ends of my arms. I'm actually becoming fairly decent at it, too. :biggrin: If a brand-new diver with no buoyancy control tried it out in the Gulf of Mexico with waves and a nice current, it would certainly be unsafe for them, but in the proper context (training, conditions, contingencies, etc.) it's perfectly acceptable fun, eh? :D
 
Excellent :D snorkel fights during deco sound like fun. My roll up snorkel is buried deep in a pocket with my other "oh bugger, where's the boat:confused:" surface stuff. But I'm sure a barber pole red and white one tucked in my waistband would be perfect.

:dork2:
 
In other words, it's not that you shouldn't dive with unreliable gear, but rather, that you *should* dive with sufficient reliable gear and procedures to have a sufficient safety margin.

I stand corrected. :eyebrow:

One of my many, many favorite things is to remove my fins during a pool, spring, or lake dive (i.e. a dive where there are no waves or currents to cause problems) and to swim around with them on the ends of my arms. I'm actually becoming fairly decent at it, too. :biggrin: If a brand-new diver with no buoyancy control tried it out in the Gulf of Mexico with waves and a nice current, it would certainly be unsafe for them, but in the proper context (training, conditions, contingencies, etc.) it's perfectly acceptable fun, eh? :D

What?? You too??
:rofl3:
 
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I was just viewing a PADI DVD and wondered if it's a PADI standard to wear those colorful dorky outfits as shown in the video. But after seeing the photo's of those maladivian divers.. I guess it is... Weird thing is they never told me during DM class. So I think it's time to swap my black suit for a more dorky one to meet PADI requirments.

My question: is PADI on the dorky side?
 
My question: is PADI on the dorky side?
They are sure themselves. They make you use a snorkel, right? Yet, they also say MOF is a sure sign of a stressed diver. i think that they are positioning themselves to offer a new class: Dork Diver 101. :D
 
Here is a grainy pic from one of those camera phones of this weeks' dive site and dive buddies. I was doing my "check out" dives for drysuit. Figured it was about time! (I am on the far left w.o. a hat. It was 20 degrees F)

Had a good time with the pool sessions this week as well. About 20 students showed up for their first session on the way to OWD. Had a good laugh when a DM trainee came up to me as we were gathering at the pool and said, "Ever attach a BCD to a tank?" I told him, "No." He began to explain. I acted like I was enthralled. Then I said, "Usually, I just attach the tank to the BCD, but from now on, I am going to do it your way; it sounds so much easier!" :D

When we got in the pool, the instructor that was going to "check me out" told me to just head down to the deep end and go through all the things I was suppose to do, check buoyancy, etc., and he would be down in a minute to verify. Rather than try to walk through the crowd of bodies, I thought, "Hmm, the air is already paid for. Why not?" I dropped to the bottom and began weaving my way through the feet (less crowded there!)

I had gotten almost all the way through, when I felt someone tug my fin. I popped up and one of the "students" gave me hand signals to "watch the instructor." I hand signaled him to mind his own business and started swimming away. He grabbed my fin again and repeated his signals. I repeated mine. Then he tried to grab my fin a third time and I hit his hand away. I was thinking, "What is it with this guy!? I am a peaceful man! We're going to go at it right here and now and I don't even have one of those 14" Scubapro knives to cut his regulator hoses!" I gave a quick set of flutter kicks and escaped to the deep end and he turned back to his class. Later I learned that he was another DM wannabe and thought that I was one of the OWD students goofing off! :shakehead:

When we got out of the water, I found out that this guy is HUGE. He is all of 7' tall and not skinny either. :doh2:

We got talking afterward and he said that he thought I was just a goofball from the OWD class. Then the inevitable question,
"How long you been diving?"
"Since '83"
He looked at me funny and repeated the question in Estonian thinking I misunderstood. Then he said,
"I wasn't even born then!" :confused:
"How come you are just now getting drysuit certified?" (A lot of divers here start in a drysuit.)
"Hey, I'm from California!" "Ooohh.." :D

O.K. since this is officially an advice column, I had better ask advice so a mod doesn't accuse me of thread hi-jack! :D

What is the international hand signal for mind-your-own-business that can be used by a preacher? I used a scowling wave-off but my 6 year old told me a stick-out-your-tongue-thumb-on-nose-fingers-wiggling-in-the-air was better. (Don't do this without first removing the regulator!) What think ye? :eyebrow:
 

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[snip] What is the international hand signal for mind-your-own-business that can be used by a preacher? I used a scowling wave-off but my 6 year old told me a stick-out-your-tongue-thumb-on-nose-fingers-wiggling-in-the-air was better. (Don't do this without first removing the regulator!) What think ye? :eyebrow:

The "can be used by a preacher" had me stumped for a bit. The advice from your six year old sounds solid. I asked my four year old and she suggested (demonstrated) raspberry with thumbs in ears waving fingers while hopping from one foot to another. What do they teach them in pre-school???

My response to road rage types is simply to blow them a kiss and smile. That seems to work well.
 
The "can be used by a preacher" had me stumped for a bit.
The "a bit" part usually means that you figured it out after a minute, right? I wanted effective but "clean" gestures. Takes a whole lot more creativity. Hey, I like your 4-year-old's idea! Anyone know how well a rasberry works underwater?? :rofl3:

My response to road rage types is simply to blow them a kiss and smile. That seems to work well.
I just smile and wave like crazy. I have seen some actually crack a smile back! :wink:

Now the blowing a kiss part ... You have to be careful about that!! :D
 
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