Certified and disappointed

[diver 85]

Sorry I wasn't clear-a little sleep deprived.. I was trying to infer that her change in SAC may have been the result of stress and lack of comfort compared to our previous check-out dive.

She actually said she would like us to go somewhere warm and clear to dive in the near future. I was hoping we could gain some semblance of competence (via practice) before traveling since at this point it wouldn't take much to get in over our heads.

She has always wanted to go to St. Lucia, perhaps our 20th anniversary in March!

Thanks,
Ben

Perfect on the last statement.......but don't wait so long, go for a 19.75 anniversary........good luck.......let us know how things turn out......

 

[RonzoTheGreat]

anyone can do anything ... we try to teach this to our children and some people who grow up believing it become successful ... others fail ...

but if someone does something for a reason other than "self" than they will not only fail to become as successful as their true potential .... but in an activity like scuba, it could mean life or death for someone with different driving forces.

bottom line, please, allow her to step away from it and never push her to do it ... ever. when/if she ever brings it up again ... only than do you support it ... and i would consider cozumel for a trip where the vis will be enough to give her a bit more security ... or where snorkeling might re kindle an interest ...
but do not push it (please)

 

[MichiganScott]

This is similar to what happened to me, and the kids. My daughter wanted to get certified all along but my stepson seemed to have misgivings. 3 seperate times he was all suited up and getting ready to jump in for the OW and 3 times at the last second he couldn't go thru with it. In the end he decided he wasn't cut out for diving. It's a very personal thing, and if someone is not 100% sure they want to d it, then they definately should not.

 

[Diver Kat]

Here is a little more info:
We were diving a local MD quarry that was cool with a visibility of 10-15'. She was wearing a 6.5mm semi-dry with hood a 2.5mm gloves....
On the way to the quarry she said she was nervous about the "compass" deal and the EBA. ......
I began having issues with my weight belt. It kept falling to my knees, and I could not get it tight enough to stay up while vertical. When we ascended, my wife was against a down-line for a short time and later said she thought she was entangled for a second, however, she was fine on the surface...
She also had a problem doing her EBA (simulated weight dump)....
The last skill was a surface Doff and Don which she had some trouble with also. First, she couldn't get one of her shoulder straps loosened, then after she got her bc off she was sinking like a rock (24lb weight belt). The instructor took off her belt, but she later said she thought she was going to drown. She got it back on but was really winded. This is when we were all done and she started crying tears of ("I'm glad its over").

Sounds like it was a very stressful day for her and I'm sure she was really glad it was over! Besides her own issues, her nervousness could have been made worse by seeing you have some issues as well.

She actually said she would like us to go somewhere warm and clear to dive in the near future. I was hoping we could gain some semblance of competence (via practice) before traveling since at this point it wouldn't take much to get in over our heads.

She has always wanted to go to St. Lucia, perhaps our 20th anniversary in March!

I would seriously talk to her about a great trip like this .... clear blue warm water could make her feel 100% more comfortable - especially if she can dive in a skin or a 3 mil - something not quite so all encompassing as what she had to wear in the quarry. I know I couldn't deal with wearing a hood - too claustrophobic! And splurge for a private DM if it helps her comfort level. (Would probably help your comfort level as well!) She may find she's a dive-addict before she knows it! (Then you'll be planning your 21st Anniversary, and 22nd, and so on, to all the great tropical destinations!)

 

[Theunis]

anyone can do anything ... we try to teach this to our children and some people who grow up believing it become successful ... others fail ...

but if someone does something for a reason other than "self" than they will not only fail to become as successful as their true potential .... but in an activity like scuba, it could mean life or death for someone with different driving forces.

bottom line, please, allow her to step away from it and never push her to do it ... ever. when/if she ever brings it up again ... only than do you support it ...

I agree with you.

My wife got certified about 14 years ago after a bit of pressure from my side. I thought it would be nice to have her as my buddy. She did about 10 open water dives which included ocean dives. She was NEVER comfortable during dives. She struggled with her buoyancy and air consumption and she was not a very strong swimmer.

During her last dive we were doing a nightdive at Badgat, SA. Badgat is an open cast mine. She panicked and decided never to dive again, and she did not. At that point my wife and I realised that she was not cut out to be a scubadiver and I am still respecting her wishes not to dive again.

 

[GrandpaScuba]

... Told me on the way home she only did this for me.

If she really doesn't want to dive. Don't force it. Try to get her to let you dive. It's nice, actually, to have a person that stays on the beach to watch out for everyone's stuff. There is a lot of socializing in diving, other than the actual diving. She could still have lots of fun with your diving friends if she comes along. Maybe after a while, seeing the fun you guys are having, she'll begin to think about trying it again.

Far too many people take diving to please someone else. This is one of the things we watch for. If we suspect that one of our students is really not interested in diving, but is just doing it for someone else, we will take them aside and talk to them to determine what the situation is. If they really don't want to take the class, we will try to counsel them (and their buddy, because frequently the "other" is in the same class). We will give them the opportunity to continue, but we will also offer to give them a complete refund of everything, if they really want out. We don't want them to feel that they have to continue "because they've spent sooo much money."

It's not always a problem. I had one young woman who admitted that she only took the class because her boyfriend was taking it. It turned out she loved it, and was a way better diver than he was.

 

[Daxter]

Ben. congrats on both of your certs. My suggestion, go on a tropical vacation. Let her try nice clear water. My wife is always telling me how she hates cold water diving and she only does it so I have a buddy. Dry suit, cold water, low vis or no vis I get the look of death from her, but when we go somewhere tropical she is all about the diving. Just give your wife time.

 

[--tom--]

There are a lot of nuances that I know I am missing, but here are some observations:

1) The second day of open water dives are brutal. I remember. I was cold. I was mentally and physically challenged. I had not slept well for at least the two previous nights (quite possibly more) so I was exhausted. Putting on a damp/cold wetsuit SUCKED.

2) Checkout dives are about task accomplishments, not having fun underwater. These are the worst dives EVER.

So I help out with a fair number of classes, I try to get the newly certified divers out into the water within a month of certification, just to show the difference. Many think that all dives are like certification dives. This is a time to show what is really going on. Some things that I do to help lower the stress levels:
1) Have the new divers actively involved with the dive plan, so they know what to expect & that it is within their capability.
2) Draw a map on a slate (crude is fine) & show them where you are; especially when you make course changes.
3) Point out as much stuff as you can. Yes, you have seen it a hundred times before, but it is new to the new diver. This is the stuff good memories are made from.
4) Watch the new diver & let them know you are watching them. They will feel like you are looking out for them (& you are). Then you will notice an amazing thing: you will see the new diver begin to relax & improve in minutes.

Just my 2 psi. about something that is neglected in the typical certification process....

 

[ahava]

Ben, as a Maryland instructor I see this quite often (not the crying) but the feeling of not enjoying diving. This is not what they sign up for; clear, warm, tropical water. At least in their minds. Not be stereotypical but it seems to me about 80% of women will not return to diving in cold dark northeast quarries. We try to tell them it gets better with comfort, but its not what they want to do. My opinion is to find some local divers to dive with and take her to the caribbean and maybe give it a whirl there. ITS USUALLY NOT THE STUDENT ITS THE DIVING CONDITIONS

 

[TMHeimer]

As stated above, it may be the equipment. PADI isn't kidding when they say buy your own. What a difference. Also, on the check out dives you have to do all the skills all at once. Challenging, and you obviously need all the skills, but rarely do you have to use them on most of your pleasure dives.