Certified and disappointed

[Hillmorton Scubie]

I actively discouraged my lady from diving. She is by nature a stress-head, and gets completely hysterical when things are out of control. Unfortunately she doesn't have the right personality to dive safely. She tried a discover scuba and aborted the dive at 3 feet underwater. Would I like her as a buddy- absolutely no way!!!

 

[Dive-aholic]

You're in Maryland so I'm guessing the open water dives were in fairly cold water. You state your wife enjoyed the pool sessions but hated the checkout dives. If this is all accurate, then maybe she just needs to have a warm water experience somewhere in the tropics. I wouldn't push it, though. If she doesn't want to dive, then don't force her. Go do your dives and talk them up afterward. Get a camera and take a bunch of photos and show them to her. Let it be her decision.

 

[Damselfish]

You might even have her read this thread and see what she says.

 

[Stewie NC Diver]

I also saw this when I went to my checkout dives. A lady their was made to do it by her husband who was an instructor. Don't force her to do it, if she feels uncomfortable. Diving is supposed to be fun and relaxing.

 

[NudeDiver]

What say you?

I say dive without her.

a). If she isn't having fun diving, then it is a tremendous waste of money for her to go diving.

b). If she isn't having fun, the odds are you're not having fun - which is even more of a tremendous waste of money for her to go diving.

I know of some many people who get their SO to do something that they really don't want to do - badgering them to death. I don't get it. I'm not saying this is you - I'm just talking about in general. I know one couple - wife always wants to go out, husband just wants to stay home. Once wife was badgering him to go to the symphony - he finally said, "OK, fine, I'll go, but I'll bring a book to read". I think she finally got the idea to leave him the hell alone.

Now - I realize that sometimes you need to do things to make your spouse happy - simply "for them". But I don't think diving should be something in that category. I dunno about any facts, but it seems to me that if one doesn't want to dive, and one isn't having fun when diving, that just increases the odds for something unpleasant to happen.

It is OK and normal for a married couple to have different hobbies. If necessary, I think diving should be one of them.

I also agree with the comments about, essentially, let her come to you with something to say about it, rather than you going to her.

I "got" my wife to take a 2-dive DSD course in Hawaii. She never would have done it had I not asked her to. I said that I didn't expect her to ever dive in our cold water (Alaska), and knew she wouldn't like that, but she much really like warm water. I just said, well, give it a try, and if you don't like it, then you don't like it, but at least you will have tried it and know for certain. She agreed. After the first boat dive, she said she was scared the whole time, didn't like it, and didn't want to make the second dive. I said sweetie, that's fine, you tried it you didn't like it, I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. You don't need to make the second dive. No pressure at all.

By the time the surface interval was over, she decided all on her own that she wanted to try the second dive. So, she did, and she had a good time. Two years later - she decided to get certified, in warm water. So, we went to Florida and she had a 3-day quickie class. By the end of the class, she said she liked diving, felt a lot more comfortable, primarily because now she has a much better idea of how the equipment works. She ALSO said that she would try diving in Alaska. I was shocked.

So, a year after that, she decided all on her own that she would get drysuit certified. A couple of months ago, she completed the drysuit cert and AOW classes and made 6 dives up here. Now she is a certified cold water diver with 6 cold water dives. However, she did it all on her own, with no pressure or prodding from me.

 

[k ellis]

Hmmm I sort of have the same situation but please note there still is a plus that she can help you with. If you do decide to go diving and one day wish to upgrade your status (I.E. Rescue diver master diver, or going professional.) You will need to have a certified diver sign your log to authenticate it. She is a certified diver though she may choose not to dive. She can vouch for your time under water and also all you would have to do is show her your computer or console so she could verify your depth and air consumption!

When I go on Dive holiday she goes in to town and does her shopping and beach life. When we get together later I show her my computer log and she signs off

Give it time and dont push her. Something else you may try is dont tell her your intent but take her on less intense tours of the underworld. Take a submarine tour when available and go to the aquariums. She may find she likes it so much she may want to give diving another go. If not at least you both enjoy seeing the under sea life together and never get wet

Hope this helps

 

[Diver Kat]

I had the same thoughts as Dive-aholic ... maybe it was cold water and not as clear and easy as the pool??

As someone who originally did not want to learn to dive and was talked into it somewhat by my DH, but feel in love with it the first day in the pool, I'd say find out the real problem. Maybe a future vacation where she can try a shallow shore or boat dive in clear tropical waters will give her back the way she felt when she first started. And make it a no pressure vacation - if she tries it and still hates it, she can go off shopping or hang out sunning by a pool while you go diving ....

 

[diver 85]

My wife and I finally completed our final check-out dives yesterday and I had a blast -her not so much. We had a lag of a few months since class/pool sessions and several weeks since the first day of check-outs. She seemed to enjoy most of the pool sessions and the first check dive but hated our final check dives.

Her SAC was the same as mine and I'm a foot taller and 60 lbs heavier than her! On the first check-out day hers was way better than mine.

When we were finished she started crying. The instructor asked if they were tears of joy and she said no "I'm just glad it's over". Told me on the way home she only did this for me.

What a bummer, I was so looking forward to us being dive buddies.

What next? Do I encourage her to keep doing something it seems she really is not comfortable doing? I'm confident that if she put in the time and effort she could become a good, safe, and comfortable diver. But if doing it just for me, I doubt she can give the sport the focus it demands.

What say you?

Thanks,
Ben

How was the vis & was there anything to 'see' on your check out dives yesterday??.. ie what were the conditions??...If these were 'poor', I would suggest an 'easy' trip to the Caribbean ie shallow dives for the most part, good vis, with little currents to affect the diving.......To me, it sounds like you might have been describing some poor conditions yesterday??....I know my wife REALLY enjoyed our Caribbean diving after the 2-5' vis on our checkout weekend in Toledo Bend many years ago............

 

[Ben_Ayers]

Wow, thanks for all the suggestions!

Here is a little more info:
We were diving a local MD quarry that was cool with a visibility of 10-15'. She was wearing a 6.5mm semi-dry with hood a 2.5mm gloves. These were similar conditions to our first day of check-outs which she enjoyed. Our gear was put together at home, and we were running on time.
On the way to the quarry she said she was nervous about the "compass" deal and the EBA. We went over the steps to the EBA, and I suggested that she "practice" it by visualizing doing it step-by-step.
It was just me, her, and our instructor in our group. There was another class doing their first day of check-outs, and also a one-man sub being launched (looked like a coffin to me).
We geared-up, and since the other class was headed out to the platform, we started with a swimming tour of the quarry. I thought (and instructor agreed) that we did much better with our buoyancy control. My wifes trim wasn't great, but I thought she was doing pretty good with her buoyancy. When we got to a submerged sailboat (approx.30-35'?) I began having issues with my weight belt. It kept falling to my knees, and I could not get it tight enough to stay up while vertical. When we ascended, my wife was against a down-line for a short time and later said she thought she was entangled for a second, however, she was fine on the surface. Other than my weight-belt issue the remainder of the swim was uneventful.
She also had a problem doing her EBA (simulated weight dump). Apparently, she was not neutral at the start, a didn't get far off the platform. The instructor had to add air to her BC and have her begin breathing (instead of exhaling to the surface). She did fine manually inflating her BC once on the surface.
I did the directional part of our navigation (she monitored depth) and we hit our marks.
The last skill was a surface Doff and Don which she had some trouble with also. First, she couldn't get one of her shoulder straps loosened, then after she got her bc off she was sinking like a rock (24lb weight belt). The instructor took off her belt, but she later said she thought she was going to drown. She got it back on but was really winded. This is when we were all done and she started crying tears of ("I'm glad its over").
While writing this the issues 'sound' more dramatic than they seemed at the time. I was not a very good buddy for this dive, as I was dealing with the weight belt most of the day.
I'm going to let her read this while I get ready for work.

Thanks,
Ben

 

[k ellis]

Well regardless of what becomes of it, Congratulations to the both of you on successfully passing the certifications