I'm with Walter on this one.
...And I'm not the kind of person that cares if they think I'm rude or not. I'm the customer - I paid for the dive. It's their job to give me what I'm looking for... Which to me, is simply a ride to the dive site and back.
On the other hand, I understand that some people are looking for more than just transportation... They want "local expertise," or supervision, or someone to change their tanks or whatever... That's fine and dandy. I'm not one of those people. It's the DM's job to deliver to the customer his or her expectations. I understand that some expect to be catered to - I expect that nobody else touches my life support. I make that clear from the outset, and I haven't had one DM fail to deliver to me exactly what I was looking for in a dive charter.
I don't let valet parkers park my truck, either... And that's just a truck - we're talking about life support equipment here.
I will tell you this, though... If the boat crew won't let me dive because they feel the need to fondle my gear before I dive - I'll call the dive. If I know that a diver onboard is not capable of assembling their own gear - I'll call the dive. I haven't had that happen yet, but believe me, I have no issues with calling the dive.
I don't care if they think I'm a scuba snob or not... It's my job to dive and to pay the bill. It's their job to deliver to me what I've purchased.
That said, I consider the boat captain a dive team member and inform him of our plan... Which is more than, "hit bottom, go that way, and come up." Think SADDDDD.
S - Sequence. What "formation" the team will be in, who's where, and a short list of what happens when/where.
A - Air. Starting pressure, turn pressure, rock bottom (see
http://www.DeepSouthDivers.org/homerockbottom.html for explanation).
D - Depth. Max and average depths on the dive. Which are usually used to figure...
D - Duration. Turn time, ascent time, max bottom time (if you say "41 minutes" to the boat captain and surface at 41 minutes, it's a great thing.)
D - Distance. Expected distances - especially important on a drift dive.
D - Direction. Compass headings, underwater navigation. Set compasses.
D - Deco. What's the deco obligation? If there isn't one, do you plan to do a "safety stop?" What depths are you going to pause, if at all? You'll need to know this for your rock bottom calculation anyway.
Even on a "tropical" dive.
The whole process takes like 5 minutes on "recreational" dives, can be done on the way to the dive site, and gets everybody on the same page so that nobody lags behind (or gets ahead), annoying the heck out of everyone else.
Prior to entering the water, a full buddy check is done. I do not touch even my buddy's gear - I simply ask them to show me that things work. If a DM INSISTS that he "know" for sure that my gear is good to dive - if he INSISTS that he knows that my gas is on... Then I'll invite him to watch when we do our buddy check... But we usually lose him mentally when we go through SADDDDD anyway.
This might seem a bit "retentive," but if you do it on every dive (instead of having one set of rules for one "kind" of diving and another for another "kind" of diving) then you'll get really good at it, be well versed and well practiced, and all of your dives will run like clockwork. Why let even the "tropical" dives be left to chance? Why let them be left to chance ESPECIALLY if they're the cool tropical ones?