Am I a Bad Person

[gdt5]

The quote I use at a time like this is "saying no to others is saying yes to yourself". We all have to take care of ourselves too so go enjoy yourself with no guilt.

 

[Web Monkey]

Part of an adult relationship is realizing that each person is a complete individual and has their own needs, and that there will be times when they need to do different things.

There's no reason to blow off your class because of his friend's baby's baptism, unless you want to.

I'd go diving.

Terry

Being the good girlfriend, I check to make sure the other half doesn't have something going on. He suddenly recalls that it's his best friend's baby's baptism.

 

[Nudgeroni]

Okay....Here's the deal...I'm all ready to take my AOW class. Find out that the instructor I want to take it with is offering it in August.

Being the good girlfriend, I check to make sure the other half doesn't have something going on. He suddenly recalls that it's his best friend's baby's baptism.

I passed on taking AOW last summer because it was said best friend's wedding.

So the dilemma...diving or duty... I know which one I *want* to choose...

Hmm. The tricky part here is that you *asked* him if there was something else going on. There is something important to him going on, and so it might be sticky to disregard his wants. I think it has less to do with duty than taking what the bf says seriously. That isn't to say you should skip the AOW, but you will have to do this with some finesse.

In order to maintain a harmonious household, you may want to offer some compensation (ie. a bribe). Perhaps you can visit the friend for a longer period of time after the AOW classes; maybe there is some familial obligation you could release him from; some flowers might be nice.

Definitely make it clear how important AOW is to you, and how it will make you feel safer in the water. If he's a nice guy, he will be supportive. I would be careful about blaming him for not letting you know about the baptism sooner; that could put him on the defensive, and he has the Church, a best friend and a baby on his side.

 

[DivingsInMyBlood]

ya gotta dive

 

[almitywife]

What would Dr Phil say?.....

he would say negotiate!!!

my question - do you want to go to this christening???? i would say your answer is no so let the BF go to the baby thing with your apologizies and you go diving

to add some seriousness to this question - if you start giving up too many things you want to do for someone else you eventually will become resentful

now to add some fun to your question - tell the babys family that in honor of thier little one you are going to spend time with mother-ocean and whisper bubs name to the dolphines.... its total garbage but comeon, its your boyfriends best friends baby, not exactly close ties to you

dive - enjoy!

 

[eckybay]

Lol...you guys are great - this is *exactly* the stuff I want to hear...and just about what I was expecting.

Coming from some one who has been guilted into many, many things. Just go with your gut....Does the boyfriend dive?

You make a great point about the guilt thing...I do tend to adjust my plans around what I think other people want to do. He does dive - and I suspect he'll be along shortly to put his two cents in on this thread...but really, he's just jealous that I'd be diving with out him...

Oh... and as to being bad. Ummm... exactly do you define 'bad'... You can be if you WANT to be ya' know.

Oh...I already know I'm going to hell.

I find it odd that you cannot find another AOW class this summer. There are several each summer, through fall at our LDS.

It's not that I won't be able to find another AOW class, per say, but I want a specific instructor, that doesn't work through a shop, so he only does two or three AOW classes a year.

She made her brother change the date of the baptism

Now this is just impressive! I think I may have to try this.


So yeah. I'm definitely leaning towards the "go diving" end of the spectrum.

As far as compromising, I may see if I can do the Saturday dives and then pick up the Sunday dives some other time.

 

[ClayJar]

I would tend to agree with the many voices. If you do not have a closer connection than boyfriend's best friend's baby, it is not a compelling reason to miss AOW. Is the baby going to grow up to one day come over and say, "You weren't at my baptism, so why should *I* care?!?" (Perhaps that *would* be the case; I don't know your particular social group and culture.)

It's not like you can fall back on the "Well, if it matters to you..." idea, as that works both ways. Unless missing the baptism would be a life-scarring event, this is one of those cases where it's best to have the two involved parties each do what matters to them. It doesn't make either a bad person. In fact, it's healthy.

Of course, J. and I are currently on opposite sides of the world, since she's over teaching English in Tokyo, so I probably have a different idea of things than many people. When you only get to see each other a couple times a year, you tend to eventually develop a comprehension that not everyone needs to be everywhere for everything every time. Even when I was over there visiting last time, one day was "I need to finish some things, so go away and come back, um, how about around six?" (I got to spend a very enjoyable day out by myself as a photographer, and there was no way I could've sat on the dirt taking bird photos for almost two hours if I wasn't alone. Got some awards for them, too. )

 

[DiverBeth]

How do you think this beautiful girlfriend of mine solved this... wel... pay attention and learn from the master... She made her brother change the date of the baptism... uhu she did. All arrangements with the minister, the feast, all invites to the family and friends... everything dropped because my ol lady wants to go diving. Now if this is not hardcore wanting to dive and negotiation skills then nothing is

I think you're on the right track

Baby Baptism, Diving??? I see a logical combination of both activities here....

I've got it! Make them have the baptism where you're doing your AOW. Just have the priest or whatever bless the divesite. See these things can be worked out.

 

[C Chris]

I think CatFishBob said it all - and from my personal experience, his math isn't far off either. Tell your BF that you'll be happy to goto the next planned family event... predicated on the assumption that your return flight connections from Palau are on schedule!!! Good Luck

 

[eckybay]

he would say negotiate!!!

my question - do you want to go to this christening???? i would say your answer is no so let the BF go to the baby thing with your apologizies and you go diving

to add some seriousness to this question - if you start giving up too many things you want to do for someone else you eventually will become resentful

now to add some fun to your question - tell the babys family that in honor of thier little one you are going to spend time with mother-ocean and whisper bubs name to the dolphines.... its total garbage but comeon, its your boyfriends best friends baby, not exactly close ties to you

dive - enjoy!

*Ding Ding Ding*

You win the prize!

I really hate sitting through ceremonies and what not...especially knowing that I could be diving!

The mother-ocean line *might* work, except it'll have to be mother-quarry and instead of dolphins, blue gill, catfish, and trout!