Diving when your SO won’t

[CanadaDan]

My fiancé doesn't dive. When we travel together I make sure where we're staying has what she needs to spend mornings by herself on the beach or by the pool (good food & drink service where she can run a tab and good security). She's happy if I'm back for a late lunch. On our last trip to Tulum we went with her oldest friend and her husband. The two of them hung out during the day while he and I dove cenotes.

If there is somewhere I want to go where the diving takes all day (eg liveaboard, more distanced cenotes etc) I'll simply go on the trip by myself. Cheap trips as I don't worry about having such nice surroundings for her while I'm gone.

You balance all that out by doing anything she want's to do... basis of every relationship is balance.

 

[drbill]

Dated a woman for eight years who didn't dive or snorkel. We each had our own activities and both recognized the other's passion for their activities. Worked out nicely. It does take a special kind of person.

 

[scubadada]

I have a slightly different version, somewhere in the middle. My wife and I have been married for a little over 40 years. We both dive, as do both our children. I am a very avid diver and enjoy challenging dives, as does my son. My wife and daughter are considerably more casual divers.

While my kids were growing up, my son and I would often take a scuba related vacation, while my wife and daughter would take a non scuba vacation. More recently, my wife has very gracefully sent me on at least one liveaboard trip per year. She has absolutely no interest in this type of activity. My wife loves diving in Bonaire and we have spent a fair amount of time there yearly, until Covid interfered with this year's plan.

It has become more and more difficult for the whole family to dive together. Last fall, all four of us dived together in Bonaire for the first time since 2004, absolutely priceless.

 

[Storker]

In the long run, common interests is the only thing that holds people together.

Common interests doesn't mean necessarily sharing every hobby.

Besides, I believe that mutual respect and shared ideals is much more important than doing everything together. I also believe it's healthy to have some interests and do some stuff outside of the relationship. I have my "man stuff", she has her "woman stuff", and we have a lot in common.

 

[Barnaby'sDad]

Common interests doesn't mean necessarily sharing every hobby.

Besides, I believe that mutual respect and shared ideals is much more important than doing everything together. I also believe it's healthy to have some interests and do some stuff outside of the relationship. I have my "man stuff", she has her "woman stuff", and we have a lot in common.

That and set expectations early on. Myself and my partner did that early on (she has no interest in diving), so we don’t have any issues. Ex. Take a vacation with her...she goes to the pool, gets a massage, and lunch while you’re off diving. Meet up after dives and do stuff and get dinner.

 

[Esprise Me]

@scubadada raises a great point: even if your SO dives, it doesn't mean they'll want to do the same dives you do. I have a whole roster of dive buddies and still ended up doing the solo course so that I could dive whenever and however I wanted. My most regular buddy is going out without me tonight for the lobster opener because the waves are predicted to be 3-5 feet and that's too dang much for me; he feels differently. Another regular buddy has done a few boat dives that involved sleeping on the boat the night before (boat departure around 3 am) which I'm just not comfortable with given the crowded bunks and COVID. I took a day off this week to go to Catalina; I invited various buddies, figuring I could always solo dive if none of them came. Only one was available, and she's inexperienced and hadn't dived in a year, so we kept it much shallower and closer to the stairs than I would have otherwise. Last time I did the oil rigs, I found one buddy to come along, but he brought a much less experienced buddy with him so I ended up going solo to get more than 15 minutes of dive time. Some of my buddies don't like all the schlepping involved in beach dives; others can't afford boat dives; others are more focused on tech and don't have much time for the rec dives I'm qualified for; others are still only basic OW and can't do the more challenging rec dives like Farnsworth, the oil rigs, or the Yukon.

My husband can't dive because of a history of spontaneous pneumothorax. But I have a feeling if he could, the fates would conspire to make him fall in love with ice diving, or make him hate our local waters and only dive in the tropics, or make him one of those photographers that spends two hours hovering over a single nudibranch, or make him the competitive sort who always has to go deeper, find something cooler, or come back with more air and gloat about it for days, or something that would make it impossible for us to dive together. You know what's better than constantly having to compromise on the dives you want to do so you can dive with your SO? Having an SO whose hobby is cooking. Mine used his quarantine time to master the cast-iron skillet. Mmmmm...

 

[DBPacific]

Yep and we're engaged and going on six years together. We have other common interests but honestly it's nice to have something I do without them. Helps me to keep meeting new people and also gives us things to talk about and show each other. He has asthma so even if he wanted to he couldn't, but he'll happily listen to my stories of what happened on a dive or look at pictures together, and I'm happy to listen and hear about the interests he has that I don't share.
Sharing every hobby is not required for a good relationship

 

[TMHeimer]

My wife can't dive, due to claustraphobia (sp?). Not fear of being underwater, she likes that-- fear of the restricting nature of wetsuits. When we "snowbirded" I dived about once weekly, same as at home. She plays poker. We each have our thing.

 

[Marie13]

These threads always make me laugh. What do you think us single people do? Virtually all of my buddies are guys whose wives/girlfriends aren't interested in diving at all.

You either find buddies or, if your diving situation allows it (charter boats and/or quarries, etc.), get solo certified.

How do you find buddies? SB, instructors, dive shop, dive club, regional FB diving groups, other buddies.

 

[Storker]

How do you find buddies? SB, instructors, dive shop, dive club, regional FB diving groups, other buddies.

This.

Some of my clubmates are single, others are in a relationship. Some of those in a relationship share their hobby with their SO, others don't. We dive together because we like diving and go along fairly well, not because we share a bed and a breakfast table.