When is it OK for a dive buddy to leave another diver?

[ahava]

Ellie, I feel bad for the situation you found yourself in and hope you can get past it. But what I dont understand is what type of training you recieved. Obviously you have some pretty substancial issues to work out and these should of been addressed before you recieved your certifaction. Besides your fears, issues concerning predive, dive,and post dive procedures all should of been taught and gone over in length. I think if want to proceed with diving you seek out more training possibly with someone more in tune with your needs.

 

[Mitchell Teeters]

Before I bought a used computer is used analog guages. I was a serious guage watcher. I finally realized that within my parameters of the location I dove I used X amount of air. This experience allowed me a comfort zone so I could concentrate on my timing for doing my checks. once I reached a certain point on the dial I knew it was time to pay more attention. Naturally my air consumption went up dependent on my physical load. Buy what I'm saying is that through practice I learned to internally time myself. Now it is natural. Your stress will diminish with practice. And no I'm not an instructor, but I am a teacher.
sent via nookcolor N2A.

 

[TMHeimer]

Some good advice given about getting back in the water soon. Finding an experienced buddy willing to spend time with you would be best. Not only with gas management, but you will find that with more and more dives all aspects become natural--more automatic-- for you. Then, you must guard against complacency.

 

[Bob DBF]

Now. Please note, I am not trying to criticise anyone here, nor bag them out.

Please reread OP.

So. 20' down the rope, my buddy tapped on my tank, got my attention, pointed to his head & swam to the surface. I didn't know what to do b/c he didn't take me with him. As I was new, it was my first dive, I was afraid & he had promised to hold my hand, being left wasn't something I factored in. So I just held onto the rope, breathed hard, started crying (hard to accomplish in a mask), didn't throw up but wanted to.

Depending on how fast you were decending your buddy could have endured substantial pain to indicate by pointing at his head (ear?) that he had a problem and had to ascend.

Finally slowed it all down. Decided to keep going down the rope. The others were waiting & I felt obliged to keep going. Anyway, I got to the bottom, instructor was all "eh?" in hand signals, I communicated that my buddy was on the surface. the instructor checked my air, gave the OK and off we went. I gripped his hand like a vice.

You decided to abandon your buddy and continue the dive

The dive ended, I was the last in & one of the first out b/c I'd chewed up so much air. When we all got back to the boat, the instructor asked my buddy why he got out. He said he couldn't equalize. No further discussion was entered into. He didn't apologise to me for ditching me on the rope. I did the 2nd dive, which was as fraught as the 1st. Dive buddy sat that one out too.

The Instructor investigated the problem, there is no way a diver can dive without the ability to equalize, end of story. Avoiding potential conflict to the point of not gaining what you feel is necessary information will not serve you well in diving or in life.

Your buddy did not apologize because you decided to continue your dive and he only had a minor problem and expected you would continue. If he had a real problem, you did not know what his sign ment, he would have had to deal with it alone. You ditched him.

All I'm trying to do is to ascertain 'what should have been done?' in your opinions ... b/c to this day, I still don't know.

Since you are trained to buddy dive and did not understand the sign you should have stayed with your buddy untill you knew he was OK. Whether to go down the line alone after is another topic.

You should talk to all the players and get an understanding of what and why the events transpired as they did, the internet is not diving with you they are. If there is not communication above the water you have nothing to build upon in the water.

I believe you should work one on one with an instructor to deal with this and the other issues that have come up since the OP untill you are ready to be a buddy to another diver.


Good Luck and Safe Diving

Bob
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It is necessary for us to learn from others' mistakes. You will not live long enough to make them all yourself.
Hyman G. Rickover

 

[Bubbletrubble]

I have to agree with much of what Bob DBF said above.

I think it's a little ironic that the OP started this thread with the thought that her buddy, who had problems equalizing, left her. That's not how I see the situation at all.

The OP was the one who abandoned her buddy and chose to continue with the dive. Leaving a buddy because he can't equalize is unacceptable. In my mind, the only time when it is acceptable to purposefully leave a buddy is: (1) if the diver needs to get help in an emergency, (2) if the diver is forced to leave to avoid mortal danger (low gas supply would qualify, among other things), and (3) if the buddy is dead.

I'm not a fan of people switching up buddy teams while underwater. Very rarely will the new buddy team be "on the same page." Typically pre-dive planning only occurs within the buddy team topside, so how well can someone who was not part of that discussion carry out the dive plan? How well can the newly constituted dive team react appropriately to any "curve balls" that might be thrown at the team? The underwater environment can be very unpredictable.

Given the scenario as described by the OP, I would not have assumed an uncomplicated equalization problem. I would have operated under the assumption that something more serious was wrong with the buddy's head (severe dizziness, extreme pain, confusion, etc.). That's why I would have ascended with him and escorted him out of the water. So many bad things can happen to divers from the time they choose to abort a dive and when they exit the water.

For what it's worth, it is very common for divers to experience ear equalization problems during initial descent. As such, this very scenario should be raised and discussed (pros & cons of various courses of action) during basic OW class. I can only imagine that the reason why many instructors don't do this is because their instructional agencies haven't included such scenario training in their curriculum. Huge oversight IMHO. Newly certified divers should be exiting basic OW class with a clear understanding of buddy responsibilities (if buddy diving is taught).

 

[doctormike]

I agree with Bob and Bubbletrubble. Leaving aside all the other stuff about the OP's difficulties with vision, anxiety, etc... (which I do not mean to be unsympathetic about, but which doesn't change the situation IMHO), the OP is the one who abandoned her buddy.

Yes, as a new diver you are by definition not that experienced. But as a certified diver, a certain degree of understanding is assumed. I feel that an basic open water certified diver who is on a descent line with a buddy, and who is made to understand that her buddy is aborting the dive, should understand that this means that her dive is over as well.

Sure, a more experienced diver might communicate through signs with other divers in the water, and once making sure that her buddy has surfaced safely could join with another group. Even then, this is suboptimal as has been pointed out above - and you aren't really sure that your buddy is safely back on the boat just because you see him make it to the surface. It sounds like the OP was in no position to opt for such an advanced procedure.

The buddy seems to have been painted as the bad guy here. He could have been having a heart attack or a stroke, for all that the OP knew. I'm sorry, but I don't understand why the OP didn't surface with him, especially since she was afraid of being left alone....

 

[Jim Lapenta]

Just an FYI. I got more info from the OP regarding the issue. As a result I sent her a Pdf of my book in hopes that she will be able to find an instructor that will teach her about buddy diving and what it means to be a buddy. I don't know how many OW classes everyone has observed but in my experience the buddy system is given lip service and that's about it in many cases. Students are not buddied up in the pool, they are told one thing then shown another when it comes to checkouts and are led single file on those dives, and there are a number of "experienced" divers who think they know what they are doing but do not.

It takes two people to communicate. And that communication needs to happen before they even get in the water. If that does not happen then the what ifs come up and everything goes to hell. If however those things are discussed that can be eliminated. But new divers need to know what those "what ifs" are that need to be discussed. They are not often talked about because some want the new diver to think it's all fun, sun, and relaxation.

It's also quicker to avoid talking about this stuff to students and by doing that you can get em through faster. Buddies need to know what being a buddy is before they can know that they ditched them. If they are not taught that then the more "experienced" diver should take the time to see that they do. If they don't then maybe they should be ditched as a buddy. I do not allow buddies to be separated in my classes. They know from day one that you do not leave your buddy. But I don't just tell them that. Every skill and every task is done with a buddy there to assist even of they don't know how. They are always within reach of each other or another student or myself. They get it ingrained that the team is one and act accordingly.

I have required experienced divers come in and go thru two or three pool sessions before I will certify their friend, spouse, child, etc if they are going to be diving with them. Since many don't really know what a buddy is. By the time we are done they do and they show it during checkouts. If one were refuse to come in an do this I would strongly recommend in front of the student that the student not dive with them.

 

[RonFrank]

The OP may have been the one to abandon the buddy, but it happened in 20' of water on a down line, and sounds like she was aware of her buddies status, like on the surface. You are correct she abandoned him. Or did he leave her as it did not sound like there was any mutual agreement on what was happening? Certainly they were not communicating well. He was supposed to be the experienced diver, but he was not experienced which the OP was counting on.

This woman is not going to be a good buddy to anyone in her current state. She does need to learn better buddy skills, but first she needs to learn better diving skills. I actually find the practice of pairing new divers together rather irresponsible... but that's a topic for a different discussion.

However it occurs I hope she gets some additional help, or quits. We may hear the outcome... or not.

 

[gcarter]

The OP may have been the one to abandon the buddy, but it happened in 20' of water on a down line, and sounds like she was aware of her buddies status, like on the surface. You are correct she abandoned him. Or did he leave her as it did not sound like there was any mutual agreement on what was happening? Certainly they were not communicating well. He was supposed to be the experienced diver, but he was not experienced which the OP was counting on.

This woman is not going to be a good buddy to anyone in her current state. She does need to learn better buddy skills, but first she needs to learn better diving skills. I actually find the practice of pairing new divers together rather irresponsible... but that's a topic for a different discussion.

However it occurs I hope she gets some additional help, or quits. We may hear the outcome... or not.

IMHO, the OP needs to first decide if she wants to continue diving. If she does, she needs (again IMHO) some one-on-one additional training to increase her comfort level before venturing back out into the "wild". One of the things she needs to learn - most definitely - is that she is solely responsible for her own safety. A theme that ripples through her story is that she allowed others to make decisions for her that she did not question, essentially bowing to their perceived greater knowledge and experience. She needs to be more assertive and questioning, more in control of her own actions. She is the one who abandoned her buddy, but I honestly don't believe she was equipped to recognize that.

I don't think her buddy was in the wrong - if I am distressed and need to surface, whether my buddy comprehends what I am trying to signal him or not, I am going up. Whether he follows me or not is his choice, but go up I must, mutual agreement be damned. I'm in distress, remember? There is no buddy agreement in the world that is going to keep me down just because my buddy doesn't understand if it means endangering myself. My buddy is the one with the choice to make, not me.

 

[Jim Lapenta]

Depends on who trained those new divers and how they were trained. If done properly no big deal at all as my students can all attest.