When is it OK for a dive buddy to leave another diver?

[EllieMay]

The more important thing is not what happened on that dive. It is instead getting through your fears, which seem pretty powerful. To be frank, nothing happened on that dive that should have provoked a fear response at all, let alone one as severe as what you describe. I do not say that to diminish the importance of what you felt--it was obviously very real, and because of that it is very important. If you wish to continue diving, then your focus must be on overcoming those fears. You should not go out on regular dives until you can do so feeling comfortable and safe. For that reason I suggest practice dives in a pool and shallow dives with an instructor with a clear understanding that you are trying to overcome fears, particularly fears of running out of air at depth. You should therefore practice checking your gauges, air sharing, and emergency ascents (which should never happen) until you are thoroughly comfortable with them..

Hi John

Thanx for your thougthful post - yep, I guess where I am at now is whether or not I want to try it again. Whilst I still have much of the gear, it means nothing to me. I had always hoped that diving would be fun but of course in order for it to be that, I have to overcome my fears first. Much of that comes down to trusting my gear - which I don't due to my partial blindness & dyslexia. The numbers/letters appear inverted when I read them from the dive computer which I frankly find more menacing than anything. Perhaps the trick is training with a DM? Someone with an infinite amount of patience?

 

[EllieMay]

Hi everyone

Thank you so much for all your great responses - I really appreciate it and am so glad of all your thoughts. I'm reading thru each post and responding to them one by one over the next couple of days.

Your responses have given me much to think about - thanks again.

EllieMay

 

[mk706]

Ellie, really believe you need to get back in the water soon. Don't allow this experience to color your impression of diving. Cheers, mk

 

[Blue Sparkle]

Did you talk to the DM about it afterward?? If so how did it finish up?

I mentioned it to the DM (because I still had one more dive that day and did not want it to happen again), but I didn't really discuss it with him, if that makes sense as a distinction. Thinking back, it was a combination of a few things. 1) Like you, I felt self-conscious because there was a group of other divers aboard (people I didn't know who were also diving that day) and also the DM was busy doing his thing (he was also the boat captain). 2) I worried about potentially embarrassing my dive buddy (who was sort of zen) by making a big deal. 3) I really couldn't see the point, in a way. I mean, I had discussed with the DM ahead of time how I was new, it was my first post-cert dive, my first boat dive, and that we were going to wait until everyone else was in, so we would not feel rushed, and then he rushed me anyway. While I am all for discussion and constructive criticism, at that point I just figured if I went diving again it would be with someone else (not saying that is how I would always handle it, but that was my mood that day).

That said, my buddy and I DID discuss it, and he empathized. And we did make the second dive, which went better. I actually got off the anchor line, got all the way to the bottom, and swam around. But it left a bad taste and we cancelled our dives for the next day and then I didn't dive again for years. When I did finally dive again, I took some pains to set up the situation so that it would be more likely to be conducive to me having fun (and it worked! ) I should mention that another factor in this was ill-fitting gear, which problem I solved by doing some brainstorming here on SB, and then trying some alternatives.

Thanks for sharing your story. For me, verbally hashing it out with my dive buddy on the boat in front of all the other divers felt public & intimidating & so I didn't say a word. I was overwhelmed enough with getting thru my first dive let alone confronting him about his actions. I wanted to say something, but no words would come. I swallowed them down & resolved never, ever to dive with that person again.

While that wouldn't be optimal if you wanted to continue buddying with said person, it sounds like this is someone you no longer socialize with and won't be diving with. And maybe there were more reasons for that, such as some basic incompatibility in communication styles or personality. Sure, maybe it was all "you," but on the other hand maybe for some subtle reason(s) it just wasn't someone you felt comfortable discussing things with (a good reason not to buddy up, if so). My usual dive buddy now is someone who (like me) enjoys discussing plans and re-hashing scenarios, and that makes a big difference. Especially on a "public" dive boat, where you need to be in synch and can't suddenly start hashing out the terms of your relationship from scratch. And underwater where it can be frustrating to communicate and you/buddy may need to make an extra effort. To my mind, it's like many other other critical activities where you need acknowledgment of understanding. For example, if you're out sailing, you don't just say to your mate, "Turn 20º to port" and then leave it at that and go on with what you were doing. No, you wait for the response of something like "20º to port, gotcha" from the other person.

I think that if you are motivated to try diving again, maybe a good idea would be to get together with a good, communicative, patient instructor (and perhaps include a buddy if there is someone you now want to buddy with), and try a dive where you are in control, where there is no "crowd" you need to worry about, and where you aren't wondering what the other people are going to do, what's going on, etc. Just a simple dive where you trust the people you are with and where you also feel in control. Maybe a swimming pool, or open water if there is someplace "un-difficult."

On the other hand, if you came here more because you just want to "process" the dive experience you had, but you aren't keen on diving again, that's okay too. It's just that if it were me, and I did want to dive, I would try to set things up more in my favor and have another go - just to see. You might find you just don't take to it; but you also might find things are completely different in a good situation and you do want to go on (not that you can ultimately rely on every dive being easy and simple or else; but you are just on your first dives).

 

[Oldbear]

EllieMay,

There has been some really good advise provided on what "should have" been done. Like you mentioned this was your first dive after certification and you were outside your comfort zone. It a common experience that most everyone who has previously posted has experience that when you are near a state of panic, all of your thoughts are directed at survival and not on “hand signals”. The fear you face is real, and don't let anyone say it's not. But it is also your body telling you what you are doing is unnatural and is a self-defense mechanism. You should listen to this fear and with time and experience you will learn to control it and perhaps it might even disappear all together. I experienced the same fear (mixed with vomiting underwater) and yet after each dive it got better and better...to the point I now long for any opportunity to dive. Flying airplanes was another experience that scared the "beegeebies" out of me...now I love it also, but am still scared of heights like a tall ladder. Do you remember the first time you got behind a wheel of an automobile...you might have been told all of the right things to do before your dad (or whoever) sat you there, but do you remember how much of that instructions you actually retained that first trip; for me I could not remember none of it...this is also how a friend ran over her dad.


My point is ... by your mere action of joining this scuba community and posting a very personal experience in front of the whole world, I think there is something still inside you that wants to overcome your fears and experience diving the way it should be...as a visitor in an enchanting world.

I suggest you take some of the advice from others and start out slow in a more controlled environment such as a pool or shallow shore. There is no rush. Then as your comfort level increases, your experience level will also go up, take on more challenging dives. After you get through about five of these dives, go back and review your open water books/dvds. Now they will make more sense. All of the great advice you have gotten here on your thread will make much more sense. And you will be a much better diver for it. There is a wonderful world under the seas and not all of it is at depths greater than 15m.


Hang in there...the best is yet to come.

~Michael~

 

[markmantei]

Much of that comes down to trusting my gear - which I don't due to my partial blindness & dyslexia. The numbers/letters appear inverted when I read them from the dive computer which I frankly find more menacing than anything.

While a few "vintage" divers may disagree, the information from our gauges is critical underwater. For your own comfort and safety you must come up with a way to reliably read your gauges before retrying diving. It sounds like you are using an air-integrated digital computer. Would using analog gauges (a dial on a gauge face with green and red zones for air) be helpful? If you have your own equipment, it would be easy enough to add a set of analog gauges to your reg set. Even for nitrogen loading, while I don't know which computer you have, many have a green, yellow, red gauge on part of the display to indicate nitrogen loading (usually a bar gauge with the color coding beside the bar graph), but you can always ditch the computer altogether and plan dives from the tables, which would give you more time to do this in a less stressful situation before splashing. This would also give you a defined time to speak to your buddy about the rest of the plan and what-ifs.

 

[Jax]

Hi John

Thanx for your thougthful post - yep, I guess where I am at now is whether or not I want to try it again. Whilst I still have much of the gear, it means nothing to me. I had always hoped that diving would be fun but of course in order for it to be that, I have to overcome my fears first. Much of that comes down to trusting my gear - which I don't due to my partial blindness & dyslexia. The numbers/letters appear inverted when I read them from the dive computer which I frankly find more menacing than anything. Perhaps the trick is training with a DM? Someone with an infinite amount of patience?

Ellie, I'm just another diver, but besides your fears, there are a couple of other things I noted that should be addressed.

1 - be honest with your instructor. If you are still that scared, you probably ought not to have been certified. You need lots and lots of pool work so you can generate that trust in your life support equipment.

2 - Your partial blindness - are you actually blind or just cannot see? Not joking - if you are a -7 diopter or lower, you are legally blind in some States. At any rate, look into a Prescription Mask. I like these folks: Welcome to Prescription Dive Masks 1-800-538-2878. They can even put in readers, if you need them.

3 - dyslexia -- Don't you have an analog gauge? If not, consider getting or at least borrowing one. That's the one with a needle that goes around in a circle. You need to know / be very familiar with the position of the needle and you won't have digits running around. (Kind of like people can look at a clock without markings and know what time it is.)

 

[TSandM]

I agree -- there are ways to work around poor eyesight, including prescription masks, analog pressure gauges, and OLED displays on depth gauges.

But the OP really needs to make up her mind whether this is something she wants to invest that much time and money in doing. I can understand blind divers who find the act of floating relaxing and peaceful, but if you can't see and enjoy what's around you AND being in the water terrifies you, is there really a good reason to do it? There are many wonderful activities in this world, and life is too short to be miserable or scared to death very often.

 

[Mitchell Teeters]

I have been impressed with responses on this thread. Get back in the water. use old school gauges, Dive some clear shallow water until you are comfy. you will be OK if you get back in. it will be OK.

Sent from my Droid using Tapatalk

 

[RonFrank]

It seems that the individual you counted on was a newbie who had no clue what they were doing. Bad experiences can set the mood so to speak. What you need is an EXPERIENCED Buddie. They could be an very experienced diver, or an instructor. Experienced is someone who has been diving for years with hundred of dives, they have good buddy skills, and they dive regularly. Same holds true for an instructor also, you want a veteran. If in doubt hire someone and I'd say they should have at least 300 dives.

Prior to the dive they should go over the dive plan, equipment, do a buddy check including air check, meet in the water at the surface, do the buddy OK then down signal, and stay close as you both descend. Once down they should stay close and help if needed. You do the dive as planned, then slowly ascent to you SS depth, do the SS, and ascend and exit the water.

Dive planning for a beginning dive does not need to happen days in advance. Better if they go over the plan right before the dive is to begin. Dive plan, equipment check, air check for both divers in the team. Your first dives should be shallow.

I agree with Jax, beg, borrow, buy, or rent a GAUGE SPG. This should make reading it easier. You can worry about the other gauges later but the SPG is vital.

Most of these SPG's have a red zone, if you are in the red time to end the dive. Notice it starts around 700psi.

Start out shallow, keep your eye on you air, relax, and very important..... Have fun!