Silly things heard on dive trips

[Dave Zimmerly]

Not heard on a dive boat, but when trying to explain the basics of diving to someone in my office, she said "So when you are trying to get back to the surface how much lead do you have to drop? Doesn't all that lead get costly?"

And, "I can't believe you actually pee in your wetsuit!"

Dave (aka "Squirt")

 

[Dave Zimmerly]

Oh one more. Teenage girl on the dock points to a brown pelican and says "Oh look, a pterodactyl!"

Dave (aka "Squirt")

 

[Tiadon]

Not on a dive boat but:

My buddy and I had already made a dive at a state park. We had a table setup with our doubles still assembled and our drysuits hanging on the canopy. We were relaxing in chairs drinking water. A biker rides up with his wife and they walk over. He, of course, asks "You guys diving?" and as quick as I could I replied "Nope, just like hauling the gear around". His wife smacks him in the gut and yells "Here's your sign!".

 

[PlayaCountryBoy]

I have worked around of people in the dive industry and I over heard this one day from a fellow guide on a trip...

diver: So that was sand coming out the parrotfish'd bum?

DM: Yeah, and thats what makes up the beaches. We are actually sitting on a big pile of parrotfish poo when we go to the beach.

diver: (stands there with stupid look, mouth open in disbelief)
DM: (nods and goes with it!)


Can you believe it?!!:11:

 

[Teamcasa]

I laughed when diving in Hawaii, the captain pointed out the Body Glove boat bulging with what he called PDV’s.
He clued us in, Potential Drowning Victims.

 

[Mo2vation]

I hope this is a joke.

This was said, with straight face by some wacky, young DM / Instructor / Dive Leader type who was leading a group on the Spectre in SoCal.

Claudette and I still laugh about this one. We both heard it, and tried to stay close to this moron to catch some more pearls (of which there were plenty.)

Dude was a pill the whole trip - a real beauty. Had a brand new DUI custom cut suit that was just loaded with all kinds of stuff - elbow pads, crotch pad, running lights, etc.

He was dive shop material all the way - all manner of nonsense clipped to his Black Diamond Tech BC, and even clips clipped to the BC that had nothing clipped to them! I mean, he had clips hanging on probably 4 or 5 of those 6 Drings. Hose protectors that matched his tank boot that matched his slap strap that matched his $80 Ultra-dry-super-dry-sahara-dry snorkel which matched the handle of his $200 9" titanium pig sticker strapped to his calf which matched the purge cover on his Atomic SS1 which matched the piping on his brand new drysuit which matched the plastic inserts on his fins which doubtless matched his dive bag which obviously matched his dive log which would of course match the striping on his Nissan truck.

Dude was strutting and dispensing bad advice the whole trip.

As he was getting off the boat, clownboy dumped his weight belt over the side. It was such poetry watching goober the DiveCon trying to fish his ample weight belt from the depths with a boat hook. 15 minutes later we were leaving and he was still there - belly on the dock, looking for the belt.

No lie.

What a clown.

---
Ken

 

[vladimir]

I have worked around of people in the dive industry and I over heard this one day from a fellow guide on a trip...

diver: So that was sand coming out the parrotfish'd bum?

DM: Yeah, and thats what makes up the beaches. We are actually sitting on a big pile of parrotfish poo when we go to the beach.

diver: (stands there with stupid look, mouth open in disbelief)
DM: (nods and goes with it!)


Can you believe it?!!:11:

I do believe it. From the Florida Museum of Natural History Ichthyology Department:

http://www.flmnh.ufl.edu/fish/Gallery/Descript/SParrotfish/SParrotfish.html:

These herbivorous reef fish graze on corals and algae growing on the surfaces of rocks throughout the reef. The strong beak-like fused teeth are used to bite off pieces of stony corals. It is not the hard coral skeleton that provides nourishment, but rather the coral polyps that grow on the surface of this skeleton. Living within these coral polyps are symbiotic algae called zooxanthellae. Coral skeletal material that is ingested by the parrotfish is crushed by the grinding motion of the pharyngeal mill, specialized teeth located in the throat. Afterwards, it makes its way through the fish's digestive system and deposited on the reef as white coral sand. Parrotfish are known to return to the same area to release their waste products, forming hills of white sand. Parrotfish may produce as much as one ton of coral sand per acre of reef each year.

 

[osuschreck]

Just today I called a recycling place to see if they would buy failed tanks. He told me that they couldn't because they were hazardous materials since they had been pressurized. Umm ok.

Someone posted on another online forum (not scuba related) that you had to be a certified airsmith to install a valve on a scuba tank. Oops I guess the scuba police need to come and get me. All I have is my PSI tank inspector certification. (I worked in a dive shop) I'll think of some more later I got hundreds of them.

 

[Hank49]

Real diver's ears are so messed up you really can't hear anymore.

?

Jack Randall told me that he can't hear low pitch sounds anymore due to his ear drums being stretched so much from decending and ascending (12-14,000 dives), so they don't vibrate at those low pitches anymore. Of course he's also 84 now too....which may have a little to do with it.

 

[ClayJar]

Just today I called a recycling place to see if they would buy failed tanks. He told me that they couldn't because they were hazardous materials since they had been pressurized. Umm ok.

That's actually not that bad. A compressed gas cylinder pressurized over 40 psi (if I remember the pressure correctly, and I have a splitting headache at the moment, so hey, but it *is* a really low number, regardless) is classified as hazardous material. Of course, when you've pulled the valve, the cylinder is certainly *not* classified as hazardous material any longer.

Their brains got stuck, but at least it wasn't *completely* fabricated. :biggrin: