Why Guys Do It?

[Kennedydive]

I'd have to agree with RonFrank. We are talking about people as a whole and it may not apply to everyone. I've been with the same woman faithfully for the last 13 years and have been married for the last 11. I have no reason to lie about this because she is not a member of this forum and will have no reason to check it out because as far as diving is concerned she hears enough about it from me yakking 24/7. Before I settled down in this relationship I was like a male dog sniffing around for anything in heat. I'm not proud of my past but if the relationship was over than I was out that night looking for something new. Most of the males I know are the same. Many of the females have to break the emotional attachment before moving on. I'm not trying to be funny but it's like they have stages they have to go through and having two older sisters I've heard it all and took the brunt of the angry I hate all men stage when they went through any of their break ups.
With that being said I have noticed through some of my female friends that they are starting to get the attitude that they have been screwed over by men and now it's their turn to screw the men over but I think that attitude will either soon leave them or they'll be 45 year old hussies dressing like teenagers and looking old and haggard before their time. I've told them this but Hey what do I know? I'm just a man.
The Man's Prayer.
I am a man
And I can Change
If I have to
I Guess.

JK

 

[SmokeAire]

Heh, tell me about it. You just wait and wait sometimes..

Some men just can't take a hint. It takes a sledge hammer and then they wonder why it thurts so much.

 

[s7595]

the answer is in the way that men and women think differantly.women make love with their heart ,were as men just make love. if you examine this more closely you will find that spills over into everyday life ,women tend to remember the first time you kissed them ,they are much more romantic than 75% of the men out there.go back 30-40 years when it was not a "poltical correct society" and look at the roles each sex played . jump to today and much as not changed ,there are still young women who dream of the white picket fence and 3 kids and a loveing husband. what has changed is how we all life ,work has taken on a much bigger role ,thus partners are away from each other for longer periods ,it is way easeier to have a quick afair,society and your friends do not frown on you if you decide to get a new partner " the disposal life " we tend to throw out everything these days.the man working in an office who loses his women ,can find so many loney office women just waiting in the wings ,that most do it out of revenge

 

[divemistress]

Don't forget: For at least 30 years, women have had to become hunters, as well as -- or in lieu of -- being gatherers and nurterers.

Has the aggressiveness required influenced our sexual behavior? (Shrugging) I'm no expert, but I know more than a few single -- and some involved -- women who will pick up a great-looking guy, usually younger, for sex. With no desire to see the guy again, unless he is off-the-charts. Then all she wants is a repeat.

All of which her closest girlfriends will know about, because she will likely give them a full report of her adventure, in detail that would make the man in question squirm, and in language that would shock a drunken sailor.

DM

*** I've read -- I forget where -- that the human female is the only mammal possessing NO innate maternal instinct.

While generalizations, a LOT can be explained by the study of roles throughout time, and in the animal world... Yes, we are animals!!

VERY few animals MATE for life. I'd say that WE are not a species that necessarily does just based on the current divorce rate.

What R the primal forces that motivate both sexes and what are the roles if we break it down to a more primitive level? Well survival of the species suggests the urge to breed is instinctive. While it may not be as simple as that, the reality is that men can produce children throughout their entire lifetime, and could produce hundreds of children by many different mates. In fact in some past cultures men have done exactly this.

I would also throw out that a man is VERY willing to *breed* with a woman he may not necessarily like if he finds her attractive (and maybe not even that) where as for *many* females I believe that they rarely have *physical relations* with someone they are not interested in just for the sake of *the physical*......
Ron

 

[Nomaster]

i agree. i know some women (quite a few actually) who tend to have their next man all lined up even before they've broken off their relationship with their ex. i had a good learning experience with one relationship that began as the next guy in that kind of situation and ended as the ex in that kind of situation (odd how that works...).

and i've never seen women who are as dedicated to a relationship as some of the guys that i know. i can think of a couple of guys who have stayed dedicated long after they should have moved on by years...

And so it goes . . .
Maybe it's the dive planning part I haven't gotten the hang of.

. . .dream of the white picket fence and 3 kids and a loving . . .

I still dream of the white picket fence, and the picture of my kitchen in my minds eye has been there since I was a teenager.

The Man's Prayer.
I am a man
And I can Change
If I have to
I Guess.

JK

HAH!
I love it!
I think.

Tom

 

[Nomaster]

Women grieve.
Men replace.

I don't know why, but I've seen it in action a lot. Paul McCartney is a perfect example.

Maybe, even in general, perhaps.
But if we look at sociobiology, we can find understanding.
Why, what are the processes, how do they manifest?
I know that understanding goes a long way toward my healing.

I think those are a huge overgeneralizations. You've never known women to sleep with attractive men who had they had no intentions of dating seriously? You've never known men to choose not to pursue physical relationships with a woman that was attractive, but who they weren't interested in seriously? I can think of lots of examples from my social crowd.

I find this idea that I'm nothing more than a big sperm-spraying firehose to be a little bit insulting to my intelligence and to my taste, and definitely doesn't explain my behavior at all...

I've also known women to be extraordinarily selfish at times. If there's any difference between the sexes, I'd say that women just rationalize better, while men usually don't bother.

When I was first divorced, twenty-five years ago, I was still kind of young and pretty, several women used me before I realized what was going on. I was looking for a relationship and thought they were too.
I was kind of naive, I married the first woman I ever dated, so had no experience. I learned as much about not trusting then as I did during my nine years of "marriage" (a marriage that shouldn't have happened for many reasons), a marriage I knew was over within the first couple of months...
But I believed in marriage for life.
My ex is remarried, she soon had a man move in with her and my children. But I don't think that he was one of the men she'd been "seeing" for the last few years of our "marriage."
I think the rationalization point is one to follow up on, I wonder if that isn't a large part of what the grieving process is about.
What were the steps between anger, denial, and acceptance? I think when the grieving goes on for too long, we (I) must be stuck on one of the steps, certainly I haven't been able to rationalize how/why so much went wrong, even though I can by now list every iota, jot and tittle.
Maybe, rationalizing isn't my strong point.

Some men just can't take a hint. It takes a sledge hammer and then they wonder why it hurts so much.

this just doesn't fit with my experience. the people that i know that have taken forever to move on have almost all been men. women in my experience move on much easier. guys can get caught in this cycle of depression (and often drinking) that screws them up for a long time. women usually have that 'i don't need a man' circuit breaker that kicks in before the depressive spiral gets too out of control...

I don't know about which sex claims the highest average recovery period, but the whole depression spiral/cycle certainly has been my closest neighbor since my divorce in April 1980.

Tom

 

[Michael Schlink]

It has been a long time since I've studied any Psych. but I think I read somewhere that a women will need a month per year to get over a relationship and a man a week. Now don't flame me as I said I can't remember and the time spread might be off. Maybe a week for every so many months. The point was that a women committed to the relationship more so than the man and therefore it takes longer to move on. I guess the other version might be more like what a friend of mine's wife said " men are pigs"-M

 

[lamont]

It has been a long time since I've studied any Psych. but I think I read somewhere that a women will need a month per year to get over a relationship and a man a week. Now don't flame me as I said I can't remember and the time spread might be off. Maybe a week for every so many months. The point was that a women committed to the relationship more so than the man and therefore it takes longer to move on. I guess the other version might be more like what a friend of mine's wife said " men are pigs"-M

this just doesn't fit with my experience. the people that i know that have taken forever to move on have almost all been men. women in my experience move on much easier. guys can get caught in this cycle of depression (and often drinking) that screws them up for a long time. women usually have that 'i don't need a man' circuit breaker that kicks in before the depressive spiral gets too out of control...

 

[divemistress]

are supposed to be happier and healthier than single men and married women, according to a study i read some years back. likely, the author said, it was because members of each of these first two groups had caretakers: married men are cared for by their wives and single women have the time and energy to care for themselves.

 

[DeepDog]

After long and thoughtful consideration, I had another beer.

Then I decided to compromise by saying that I agree with:

I know women that bounce from man to man without a care and I know men who have taken 2 years or more to recover from a comitted relationship

depends on the person

It goes both ways.

Seems we need to move this thread to a new sub-forum on "Relationship Issues".