Where is the line between minding my own business?

[jupitermermaid]

Yup, you did the right thing with the post on the other board.
By the way, J-maid, nice save. While you did put yourself at a bit of risk (blowing the stop), it was probably a good thing you did. In my opinion, you saved that person's life (she did go unconscious, after all) and you are to be commended. Now, we can only speculate how many others you might have saved from injury, inconvenience, and frustration with your post.

That thought about my risk crossed my mind, but I had to make a quick decision. I rationalized that with my slow ascent to the 17' mark, my safety stop was not mandatory, and that I could return to it if the situation Deb was in was not critical. I felt from what I witnessed it was more crucial to assess her condition and then return to complete my safety stop if it was feasible to do so once her condition was under control. It turned out that if I waited to do my safety stop before bringing her to the surface she could have drowned, so I feel I made the right decision, even though I worried for a bit that I needed to be aware of any symptoms for the next 12 hours or so just in case. I'm happy to report that other than being fatigued from the long swim and a little stressed from the entire situation, I had no symptoms and was spared from hurting myself due to my decision. (Even if I DID have to go for a chamber ride, I think I would have felt that was better than what could have happened to Deb if I didn't make the choice of surfacing right away). Everything is a trade off.

 

[Web Monkey]

I decided that I didn't need to be told to get lost that day so I kept my mouth shut. While in the hardware store I heard and saw the flash and crash. One guy lost an arm and half a leg and was permanently and completely dissabled and the other one was DOA when the squad got there. Many times I have wondered if these guys would have paid any attention to what I wanted to tell them and have always figured that they would have told me to mind my own business. But you always wonder anyway.

You can't do much about stupid. The ladder came covered with stickers telling them to keep away from power lines and anybody with enough brains to plug in a drill knows to keep metal stuff away from power lines. They would have told you to mind your own business, and even if they didn't get killed there, they would have found somewhere else to do it.

Terry

 

[jupitermermaid]

This reminds me of a situation I found myself in about 15 years ago. I worked with and around high voltage all my working life. I lived near a small town which had a hardware store which I frequented. On a trip over there one day I parked by the town library. There was a couple of guys working on the gutters using 40' aluminum ladders. The edge of the building was about 10' from a 13,800 volt high line. I hesitated and was about to say something to them and try to explain how dangerous and illegal their actions were. Considering human nature I decided that I didn't need to be told to get lost that day so I kept my mouth shut. While in the hardware store I heard and saw the flash and crash. One guy lost an arm and half a leg and was permanently and completely dissabled and the other one was DOA when the squad got there. Many times I have wondered if these guys would have paid any attention to what I wanted to tell them and have always figured that they would have told me to mind my own business. But you always wonder anyway.

How horrible for you to have to live with that knowledge! Even though it it NOT your fault. That's where my dilemma comes in, too. My name, Sandra, means "defender and helper of mankind." Even before I knew what it meant I took it to heart, and always felt it was my job to save the world and everybody in it. Yes, I know, I need mega therapy.....lol. In any event, I go to extremes to try to help people, even though the majority don't want (or even need) my suggestions. But I have to go to bed at night and be able to sleep knowing that I didn't cause a problem when something I COULD have done maybe would have prevented it.

 

[DandyDon]

What a loser. If she wants to travel alone and do her own thing, fine; it's her death wish. But when she involves others in her radical & self destructive actions, puts others at risk saving her butt, imposes on others ignoring doctors orders that creates more stress on those along with someone having to stay with her in PR - no courtesies owed at all!! Sure let it all be known. Unfortunately she'll just change screen names, but don't feel bad about telling the truth.

I have a long history of interactions with a regular on Singledivers.com, a butt kisser jokster who likes to be charming with all except anyone who gets tired of his accidents, then will be passively irritating. His second accident on a Cozumel trip we learned of his history of seizures, and we don't need to discuss the good & bad of diving there; already done it on Medical forum here.

He's still active and doing the trips tho, as he's good for business so the stand on SD.com is that we have to respect his privacy. I agree, until he dives and puts others at risk etc. I gave up arguing tho and just said I'd never go on a trip with him on. Some time later, I booked a trip with them, and he showed up as a surprise add-on. Great! I can cancel my trip because he's coming and she booked him in spite of the above, or I can keep quiet, or I can cause a problem on a crowded liveaboard with everyone on he boat. Tell me I was wrong for keeping quiet...??

Then he turns out to be the only air diver onboard, so they encourage him to do a discover Nitrox course so they can all be Nitrox divers. Just what we need, a seizure diver on Nitrox over a hundred miles out in the Gulf. There is so much you can do at times, so much more you can't, and somewhere you just have to get off.

But "Have you been cleared by the neurologist; you crazy, freakin' dangerous, inconsiderate, nut bag" may have left a little less room for misunderstanding by her next unsuspecting victims.

I could have said that on SD.com but it would have been deleted like many of my other posts. I just don't log on there anymore. We had a fight over settlements from a Coz trip canceled by H.Dean and credits on my last trip and I quit. I know how she talks about people behind their backs so I'm sure there's plenty of "Well you know Don is..." but the hell with it. There's business, honesty, and dive safety, but I can't be bothered by secret gossip.

No, she does NOT warn anybody she likes to do her own thing. She didn't tell us until we tried several times to find out why she didn't stay with us. I looked at her post just now, and she responded to my question with, "The Nuerologist said 2 months, so that puts me at September 25. On the other hand, the psychologist said... " Actually, our first dive was July 25, so she's taking the 2 months to mean from our first day of diving rather than the day of the accident....

So, I'm hearing that I should maybe write a blog on that board posting the accident (without mentioning her name and letting others put the missing pieces, such as names, together?) Some of the people on the board know of our trip together.

Good luck. It'll probly be a waste of time, could backfire, but follow your heart!!

She's an idiot. You did the right thing. This is one of those people who is better off doing her own thing on her own and not putting other people at risk. Let Darwin have her.

Sure, but she's on group trips. If she drove like that, troopers would jail her for being a risk to others, but we don't have scuba police or scuba enforcement network. You can't even cancel her C-card.

If you're paying for her casket, you did the right thing-----otherwise, it's her life---you can not live it for her OR make her decisions..............

I totally disagree; see above reasons.

j, maybe post on that thread 'why are you looking for buddies? i thought you wanted to 'do your own thing'. that's what you told us in july.'

you know, a polite 'go farg yourself'.

Too polite for such.

This reminds me of a situation I found myself in about 15 years ago. I worked with and around high voltage all my working life. I lived near a small town which had a hardware store which I frequented. On a trip over there one day I parked by the town library. There was a couple of guys working on the gutters using 40' aluminum ladders. The edge of the building was about 10' from a 13,800 volt high line. I hesitated and was about to say something to them and try to explain how dangerous and illegal their actions were. Considering human nature I decided that I didn't need to be told to get lost that day so I kept my mouth shut. While in the hardware store I heard and saw the flash and crash. One guy lost an arm and half a leg and was permanently and completely dissabled and the other one was DOA when the squad got there. Many times I have wondered if these guys would have paid any attention to what I wanted to tell them and have always figured that they would have told me to mind my own business. But you always wonder anyway.

That is a horrible feeling I am sure. I am generally the one who is told I need to mind my own business, or worse that I am adding to a problem. :silly: You should feel no guilt, but that just sucks.

 

[Deefstes]

Jupitermermaid, if ever I where to dive with an online acquiantance I sincerely hope that it will be someone like you and not someone like this "friend" of yours. Also, I would probably have responded much more aggressively than you but I think you handled it well.

 

[xariatay]

Jupiter, maybe you can now respond with "I hope the lung has healed" or "stear clear of the DChamber this trip and goodluck."

I think this suggestion is pretty good...

 

[ZenDiver.3D]

Doing the right thing is not always populare or easy, but it is still the right thing. You did it. Good job.

 

[ScubaSteve]

OK first of all, WOW. What a *expletive*. I think perhaps I would have been pulling her to shore with my arm around her neck and squeezing a little too hard. Good for you for doing what you did. She is definitely not a "dive buddy" I would ever want. But as stated in a previous post, you may some day be able to say that you knew a Darwin Winner. She sounds like a definite candidate.

And, I agree with I believe almost everybody on here. You did the right thing and with tact and grace. I have not seen your follow-up post or what it said, but you can continue to sleep at night knowing you did the right thing.

As Deefstes said, if I am in a position to dive with an unknown, I hope it is you and not her.

 

[jupitermermaid]

Thanks, everyone. I feel much better now, and not like a school girl who "tattled" on someone cheating on a test. Cheating on life is much more deadly, and worse when someone can take another unsuspecting person down with him/her. Thanks for your support.

 

[jupitermermaid]

Oh, and any and all of you are welcome to be my dive buddy anytime! XOXOXOXOXOXO