theduckguru
Contributor
There is always 2 sides to every story. The female on the Vandy is probably telling people how you wouldn’t stop and enjoy the dive and were an air hog.
Reprimanding Insta-buddy
- Thread starter SloopCamotop
- Start date
Please register or login
Welcome to ScubaBoard, the world's largest scuba diving community. Registration is not required to read the forums, but we encourage you to join. Joining has its benefits and enables you to participate in the discussions.
Benefits of registering include
- Ability to post and comment on topics and discussions.
- A Free photo gallery to share your dive photos with the world.
- You can make this box go away
hedonist222
Contributor
- Messages
- 1,319
- Reaction score
- 850
- # of dives
- 500 - 999
If you become solo certified you can forego the whole buddy setup. Bring your own gas, spare mask, DSMB, cutting device if needed and state that you'll be diving solo.
If you're not comfortable being solo-solo, you can tag along. If uncomfortable, stick close to guide and group without being responsible for anyone and have that sense of security with them being nearby.
If you're not comfortable being solo-solo, you can tag along. If uncomfortable, stick close to guide and group without being responsible for anyone and have that sense of security with them being nearby.
Hoag
Contributor
- Messages
- 2,396
- Reaction score
- 2,237
- # of dives
- 200 - 499
I often wind up with "insta-buddies". Even when traveling in a group, I often travel without my own buddy and dive with whoever is available. On my last LOB (in the "before days"), I was traveling with a fairly large group, but there was an odd number of people and there was also a diver on the boat who was traveling by herself. She and I got paired up as insta-buddies for the week.
Before our first dive, we discussed where all of our key gear was such as Octo, ditchable weight etc. We discussed hand signals to ensure that we both knew what the other would use for specific things. We discussed the dive plan and what to expect for air consumption.
After the dive was over, we "debriefed" the dive. "Did I do anything that you weren't expecting?" Do you have any advice on what I could do to make both of our dives a better experience?" We were (brutally) honest, but at no time was it done in a manner which one of us was "reprimanding" the other.
Communication is critical. Your insta-buddy might be totally oblivious to the fact that they might be wandering into an area where the "3Ds" (something Dumb, Dangerous or Different) are becoming an issue. If they are, then IMHO, it is important to discuss it and let them know. (You might also be doing something that concerns them but if there aren't effective lines of communication, then this critical information will never be exchanged.)
If you and your insta-buddy brief before the dive on what you expect and then debrief after the dive about how things actually went, before you know it, it will seem like you have been diving together for years. This may not be as easy on a one day boat trip, but if you do get an insta-buddy, and establish a habit of clear, concise and open communication, then I think you will both benefit.
Before our first dive, we discussed where all of our key gear was such as Octo, ditchable weight etc. We discussed hand signals to ensure that we both knew what the other would use for specific things. We discussed the dive plan and what to expect for air consumption.
After the dive was over, we "debriefed" the dive. "Did I do anything that you weren't expecting?" Do you have any advice on what I could do to make both of our dives a better experience?" We were (brutally) honest, but at no time was it done in a manner which one of us was "reprimanding" the other.
Communication is critical. Your insta-buddy might be totally oblivious to the fact that they might be wandering into an area where the "3Ds" (something Dumb, Dangerous or Different) are becoming an issue. If they are, then IMHO, it is important to discuss it and let them know. (You might also be doing something that concerns them but if there aren't effective lines of communication, then this critical information will never be exchanged.)
If you and your insta-buddy brief before the dive on what you expect and then debrief after the dive about how things actually went, before you know it, it will seem like you have been diving together for years. This may not be as easy on a one day boat trip, but if you do get an insta-buddy, and establish a habit of clear, concise and open communication, then I think you will both benefit.
OP
SloopCamotop
Registered
Perhaps, though I had noted and acknowledged before the dive that I would be using more air, and as such that would likely be our limiting factor. This was the 2nd tank of the morning, and our first had gone very smoothly, though as predicted she had surfaced with maybe 500 more than me.
Now that you mention it, that difference likely played into this when looking at it from her perspective - her air had plenty more cushion than mine, and it is very difficult I presume to really understand or empathize with what someone else may be thinking or feeling. So to her, the minor detour (which - full disclosure - I didn't see this a huge party foul. I saw it as annoying mistake that gave me concern for my gas, but it was a mistake that was corrected by us both, and life went on) was no biggie if she is looking at 1700 and forgetting that her buddy isn't looking at same.
This question of feedback arose because I was relaying to my wife that given that my air was a limiting factor on another's dive time, and that I found myself in a position that I wasn't entirely comfortable, that I wanted to look into steel 100's and Self Reliant Diver course, so that I would be better prepared from a gear and training perspective should (when) a similar event occurs in the future.
ontdiver
Contributor
As mentioned, and IMHO, this is all about pre dive communication. Unfortunately, the insta buddy formula is imperfect and the only person you can rely on is yourself.
Life is to short to get worked up over such things, if you feel the diver is a danger to yourself opt out of the next dive, the best decision for a diver is knowing and accepting when not to dive.
ontdiver
Contributor
OP
SloopCamotop
Registered
After my wife and I disagreed we went back to the shop to ask a DM their perspective (we needed a referee lol), and the short of it from her was, to paraphrase, "Depends on situation, and reading the room. If you think you can constructively share your concern in a helpful way that you believe will be received as intended, then sure it is worth communicating. Unfortunately far too many divers are submerged in their own egos, and can be difficult to reach even with the best intentions. I would at the least support a firm re-signal of "pair up", maybe with some angry eyebrows to reinforce the point. Once on the boat though every situation is different. If you think your buddy is a danger to themselves or others, definitely pass on your observations to the staff, and let them decide how to address from there. We don't want anyone dying. Too much paperwork (tongue in cheek)."
I can also note the reality that I am probably less likely to address such concerns with a female than a male. I am conscious of the perception of mansplaining, and I don't want any part of that convo. My wife says if it was a dude I would have been blunt and said, "WTF, Richard?" I disagree, I would have likely said little to nothing, but she is not incorrect that it may be a trickier business than usual for an older guy to start dishing out post-dive criticism to a younger woman. The line between helpful and demoralizing/irritating is too narrow for me to walk. I recognize a single female on a dive boat is on one hand just another diver, but on the other hand there are considerations of culture upon which I wish to tread lightly.
I can also note the reality that I am probably less likely to address such concerns with a female than a male. I am conscious of the perception of mansplaining, and I don't want any part of that convo. My wife says if it was a dude I would have been blunt and said, "WTF, Richard?" I disagree, I would have likely said little to nothing, but she is not incorrect that it may be a trickier business than usual for an older guy to start dishing out post-dive criticism to a younger woman. The line between helpful and demoralizing/irritating is too narrow for me to walk. I recognize a single female on a dive boat is on one hand just another diver, but on the other hand there are considerations of culture upon which I wish to tread lightly.
Similar threads
