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[santafejoe]

Important Women's Health Issue:

* Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
* Do you suffer from shyness?
* Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
* Do you suffer exhaustion from the day to day grind?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or
pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident
about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of
your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing
to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas
almost immediately and, with a regiment of regular doses, you can
overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want
to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will
discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start
living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or
nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind
nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
- Dizziness
- Nausea
- Vomiting
- Incarceration
- Erotic lustfulness
- Loss of motor control
- Loss of clothing
- Loss of money
- Loss of virginity
- Table dancing
- Headache
- Dehydration
- Dry mouth
- And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNINGS:
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over
and over again that you love them.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to believe you can sing.
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

 

[pidgiepoo]

A blond heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her Milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.


When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blond came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"


The blond said, 'No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.


The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?'

 

[pelagic_by_nature]

And the blonde said, "No, only up to my neck"

Right?

 

[pidgiepoo]

LOL- guess I didn't get the entire thing copied/pasted correctly !!!! Glad someone was paying attention....
My mistake and your correction made it funnier than the actual joke !

 

[Jax]

Men's underwear

 

[pidgiepoo]

Men's underwear

Do guys actually wear those things??

 

[Jax]

Elephino!

 

[tc]

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level.

He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.

The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later.

The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"

 

[Deefstes]

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

 

[Ed L.]

Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "the heart would be just below the left breast."

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.