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Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here
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Deefstes
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What a total klutz! Let's hope he clears the gene pool of his own genes before he kills someone else.
pidgiepoo
Contributor
A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.' Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.' The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.' She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'
pidgiepoo
Contributor
Subject: New Orleans 911 Call
>
>
> (operator) "911 - What is your emergency?"
>
> (caller to 911) "My friend Tyrone just got shot and he
> unconscious! We needs an ambulance!"
>
> (operator) "Ok sir, just calm down now and we'll have
> an ambulance on the way. What is the address?"
>
> (caller) "We be at 456 Tchoupitoulas Screet!"
>
> (operator) "Could you spell that for me sir?"
>
> (caller) "....... long pause ....... how about if I drags
> his ass over to Camp Street and you picks him up there?"
>
>
> (operator) "911 - What is your emergency?"
>
> (caller to 911) "My friend Tyrone just got shot and he
> unconscious! We needs an ambulance!"
>
> (operator) "Ok sir, just calm down now and we'll have
> an ambulance on the way. What is the address?"
>
> (caller) "We be at 456 Tchoupitoulas Screet!"
>
> (operator) "Could you spell that for me sir?"
>
> (caller) "....... long pause ....... how about if I drags
> his ass over to Camp Street and you picks him up there?"
OP
sandshaker
Contributor
why Spank-Yoo!!!!!!!!!!!
YouTube - The Honey Moons Over at the Races
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ this is pretty funny
pidgiepoo
Contributor
2008's First Christmas Joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The man replied, 'These are Carols.'
And So The Christmas Season
Begins
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The man replied, 'These are Carols.'
And So The Christmas Season
Begins
ohmdiver
Contributor
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mlkco
Contributor
Doctor's Love
[FONT=Verdana,]One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so. Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing." [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,]One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so. Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing." [/FONT]
m3830431
Contributor
good one
pidgiepoo
Contributor
The lady asked the pharmacist, "Do you have Viagra?"
"Yes," he answered.
She asked, "Does it work?"
"Yes," he answered.
She said, "Can you get it over the counter?"
"I can, if I take two", he replied.
"Yes," he answered.
She asked, "Does it work?"
"Yes," he answered.
She said, "Can you get it over the counter?"
"I can, if I take two", he replied.
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