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[sandshaker]

awesome find!!!!

I just downloaded mine. This should help your pockets a little.
You can only use it once...

FREE Gas Coupon from Shell Oil http://clickme.50webs.org/

 

[mike_s]

this is hilarious.....

The best Chuck Norris fact, ever!

Two cowboys and Chuck Norris were sitting around a campfire out on the lonesome prairie. A night of their tall tales begins. The first cowboy says, "I'm the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands." The second cowboy can't stand to be outdone. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp." Chuck Norris remained silent, ......slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

 

[micklock]

 

[Deefstes]

 

[Cerebral_Origami]

In keeping with the theme above, here's an oldie but a goodie:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep crap, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

(Some of the words have been changed to protect the ears of the innocent!)

 

[The Anchor]

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In-Box."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don t use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

 

[Rhone Man]

FIVE BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:

NUMBER 5: They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen.

NUMBER 4: 'This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the
time-management course you sent me to.

NUMBER 3: 'Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got
here just in time!

NUMBER 2: Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when
you put your ear down real close?


NUMBER 1: (Raising your head slowly) '... in Jesus' name, Amen

 

[Rhone Man]

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.




2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.




3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.




4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.




5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.




6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.




7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.




8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.




9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.




10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.




11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.




12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

[Deefstes]

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

This one is brilliant! I'll have to remember it.

 

[viola123]