Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[m3830431]

Comments made in the year 1955:
"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's
going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."

"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long
before $2000 will only buy a used one."

"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a
pack is ridiculous."


"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just
to mail a letter?"


"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire
outside help at the store."

"When I started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost
29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the
garage."


"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it
impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing
their hair as long as the girls."
"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let
Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems
every new movie has either "hell" or "damn" in it.

"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put
a man on the moon by the end of the century They even have some fellows
they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas "


"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for
$75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday
they'll be making more than the president."


"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be
electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."
"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married
women are having to work to make ends meet."

"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire
someone to watch their kids so they can both work."


"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem to
be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."


"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a
whole lot of foreign business."
"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes
half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best
people to congress."

"The drive- in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I
seriously doubt they will ever catch on."


"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It
costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."


"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is
too rich for my blood."


"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."


Know friends who would get a kick out of these? Pass it on!

to the good ald days

 

[sandshaker]

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one
evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver
tried to avoid it but couldn't - the aged bovine was struck and killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the
owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to
lobbyists.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his
clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive
wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was
smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

'What happened to you,' asked Hillary?

'Well,' the driver replied, 'the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife
gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad
passionate love to me.'!

'My God, what did you tell them?' asked Hillary.

The driver replied, 'I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm
Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest
happened so fast I couldn't stop it.'

PFTTTT... THAT WAS GREAT!!!!!

 

[m3830431]

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--"
''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--''
''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'' By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so.
''Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"

 

[dive_lover88]

:lol:

 

[m3830431]

You Know You're Out Of College When...

1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00a.m. is not early.
9. You have to file for your own taxes.
10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
11. You're not carded anymore.
12. You carry an umbrella.
13. You learn that "Bachelor" is a nicer term for a jackass.
14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
15. "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid, and not married.
16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up, and divorce instead of break-up.
17. You start watching the weather channel.
18. Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
21. You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.
22. You go to parties that the police don't raid.
23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.
24. You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.
25. Your car insurance goes down.
26. You refer to college students as kids.
27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.

 

[dive_lover88]

well said...well said ...:laughing:

 

[sandshaker]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.

"
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as it was on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

******NOW NOW... WHERE WUZ UR MIND...LOL********

 

[mavdog]

^took a second, but thats funny ^
I must need another cup coffee

 

[DivingPrincessE]

I'm confused....

 

[ReefGuy]

I believe that part of the joke is missing. Specifically the part where it's mentioned that they were just trying to open the jar.