Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here
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Deefstes
Contributor
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I know they're hot but is this guy for real? Either way, it's helluva funny.
pidgiepoo
Contributor
> The FBI had an opening for an
> assassin. After all the background
> checks, interviews and testing were
> done, there were 3 finalists, two
> men and a woman.
>
> For the final test, the FBI agents took
> one of the men to a large
> metal door and handed him a gun
> 'We must know that you will follow
> your instructions no matter what the
> circumstances. Inside the room
> you will find your wife sitting in a
> chair. Kill her!!'
>
> The man said, 'You can't be
> serious. I could never shoot my wife.'
> The agent said, 'Then you're
> not the right man for this job. Take your
> wife and go home.'
>
> The second man was given the same
> instructions. He took the gun and
> went into the room. All was quiet for
> about 5 mi nutes. The man came
> out with tears in his eyes, 'I
> tried, but I can't kill my wife.'
>
> T he agent said, 'You don't
> have what it takes. Take your wife and go
> home.'
>
> Finally, it was the woman's turn.
> She was given the same instruction,
> to kill her husband. She took the gun
> and went into the room. Shots
> were heard, one after another. They
> heard screaming, crashing and banging on
> the walls. After a few minutes, all
> was quiet. The door opened slowly and
> there stood the woman, wiping the sweat
> from her brow. 'The gun is loaded
> with blanks,' she said, 'so I
> had to beat him to death with the chair.'
>
> Moral:
> Women are evil.
> Don't mess with them.
>
> assassin. After all the background
> checks, interviews and testing were
> done, there were 3 finalists, two
> men and a woman.
>
> For the final test, the FBI agents took
> one of the men to a large
> metal door and handed him a gun
> 'We must know that you will follow
> your instructions no matter what the
> circumstances. Inside the room
> you will find your wife sitting in a
> chair. Kill her!!'
>
> The man said, 'You can't be
> serious. I could never shoot my wife.'
> The agent said, 'Then you're
> not the right man for this job. Take your
> wife and go home.'
>
> The second man was given the same
> instructions. He took the gun and
> went into the room. All was quiet for
> about 5 mi nutes. The man came
> out with tears in his eyes, 'I
> tried, but I can't kill my wife.'
>
> T he agent said, 'You don't
> have what it takes. Take your wife and go
> home.'
>
> Finally, it was the woman's turn.
> She was given the same instruction,
> to kill her husband. She took the gun
> and went into the room. Shots
> were heard, one after another. They
> heard screaming, crashing and banging on
> the walls. After a few minutes, all
> was quiet. The door opened slowly and
> there stood the woman, wiping the sweat
> from her brow. 'The gun is loaded
> with blanks,' she said, 'so I
> had to beat him to death with the chair.'
>
> Moral:
> Women are evil.
> Don't mess with them.
>
ScubaSteve
Wow.....what a DB
OK so I was not going to post anything here but could not resist posting this one. It made me laugh out loud and perhaps it will do that to you too.
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
Deefstes
Contributor
- Messages
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Oh dear! Now you've spoiled my lunch!
ScubaSteve
Wow.....what a DB
Oh my that is just so not right and disturbing. 
dpbishop
Contributor
The Divorced Barbie Doll
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop
and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the
display window?"
The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, sir? We have: Work Out
Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95,
Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie
for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95".
The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95
and the others only $19.95?"
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir,
Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's
Furniture, Ken's Computer and...one of Ken's Friends
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop
and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the
display window?"
The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, sir? We have: Work Out
Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95,
Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie
for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95".
The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95
and the others only $19.95?"
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir,
Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's
Furniture, Ken's Computer and...one of Ken's Friends
pidgiepoo
Contributor
Funny ......but true!!!!!!
Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later th at night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies,
'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep ****.
Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later th at night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies,
'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep ****.
mike_s
Contributor
Oh my that is just so not right and disturbing.
I figured that "monkey porn" post would get deleted soon!
ScubaSteve
Wow.....what a DB
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