My main problem with this thread is the lynch mob mentality: not carrying a pony. I have a problem with having judgement, including a sentence, being passed on any instructor with only half the story being presented. From some of his comments, the OP has issues with this "He's an idiot" mentality. In fact, I bet he's embarrassed by that kind of reaction from some of you.
Once again, a thoughtful comment, just as you offered earlier, in Posts 12 and 70.
The thread does raise some interesting issues, probably the least important of which is whether or not a diver carries a pony bottle. And, the exhuberence with which we bandy about the term, 'idiot' may well be influenced by the lateness of the evening when we respond and the quantity of adult beverages already consumed.
I previously mentioned my reluctance to pile on, having only heard one side of the exchange, as well as my somewhat negative impression of the shop owner IF the OP's account was faithful to the actual exchange and therefore accurate. But, what does concern me is - admittedly, from MY point of view - what was being disseminated, and how it was being presented, by an instructor (the shop owner) regarding the appropriateness of certain equipment, in various environments.
Had this person said, 'I have concerns with your use of a pony bottle in this Deep Diver specialty course for three reasons: 1) it may add to task loading that will necessarily be present in an environment of very cold water, and depth - which may contribute to narcosis; b) the possibility that you will (wrongly) rely on your pony bottle as something other than purely an emergency / redundant air supply, and fail to appropriately manage your gas as a result; and c) I do not know the extent of your training and experience in/with the use of a pony bottle, and I do not want to increase the risks - to you, the instructor and the other member of the class - associated with this dive, by having you carry a piece of equipment with which you are not intimately familiar.', I would have been less concerned. While I would personally encourage a diver to become facile with the use of a pony bottle, and would recommend (but certainly not require) that any diver going to 130ft consider carrying one, if a shop owner, or an instructor used the approach outlined above, I would fully agree with Pete - each instructor should have the license to teach their course in a manner that they consider both safe and appropriate.
What I read in the OP's description of the shop owner, in her subsequent comments, and even in the excerpt of the shop owner's follow-up email, was a rather confrontational attitude that really undermines effective teaching, and seems to border on dissemination of misinformation. I have been a teacher for most of my adult life - in a university health science center on a professional basis, and later as a scuba instructor. I have negative views of teachers who, when their opinions are challenged, revert to a 'my way or the highway' response. I used to tell students and residents that, when someone begins their justification for a particular approach to a patient with, 'Well, in my clinical experience . . .', whatever follows should be taken with a grain of salt. If there are data to support a position, present the data. If a decision must be made but data to guide the decision are simply not available, or are conflicting, then state that. As a scuba instructor, I tell students what I know to be true, what I think to be true, and what I prefer to do because I don't have data available to support one approach or another.
I personally believe that there is a difference between what is generally referred to as a pony bottle, and what is referred to as a stage bottle. The difference is based on intended use, and has little to do with size, or how it is mounted. I could be wrong, and would welcome a thoughtful, factual explanation of why my view is incorrect. I am (very) bothered by an arbitrary statement that there is no such thing as a pony bottle. I personally am frustrated by, and disagree with, distinctions that seem to be made between gear supposedly suitable for / restricted to technical vs recreational diving - I don't see a pony bottle, a lift bag / DSMB, a BP/W BCD, as exclusively 'tech' gear. I could be wrong, and would welcome a thoughtful, factual explanation of why my view is incorrect.
The OP's description of her encounter(s) therefore hit several of my individual 'hot buttons'. Based on an admittedly one-sided presentation of the exchange between the shop owner and the OP, I responded with what she asked for - my 'thoughts'. The context and content of the actual exchange may well have been very different from what was presented here (I have no reason to believe it was, but am very open to that possibility). But, what was described was behavior of a shop owner that I view in very negative terms. If the OP was a relative, my daughter or my sister-in-law , for example, and she called me, described the encounter exactly as the OP described her experience, and then asked, 'What should I do, I have already signed up for the program?', I would suggest she look for another, more positive and engaging, environment. If a student asks me WHY I do - or don't do - something a certain way, I will tell them. If I see clear advantages and disadvantages, I will share those. If I see different approaches as representing 'right' and wrong', I will explain why I see things that way. And, if I do something primarily out of habit, I will tell them that as well.
So, I don't see the issue as being as much about the use of a pony bottle in a Deep Diver class, as about whether an environment is likely to be a good leaning environment or not. But, as I said before, I could be wrong, and would welcome a thoughtful, factual explanation of why my view is incorrect.