I'm glad it worked out well. Keeping your head will usually work well for you but it might not work out so well for your buddy. Getting separated after making initial contact was a problem. Holding hands might not be PC but it is effective. I did it on my first night dive when my light failed. It wasn't 'manly' but I just wanted to survive. Actually, I held on to the back of my buddy's BCD. There are fingerprints permanently embedded in the fabric!
There's no way in the world that dive should have been planned without using the anchor line to descend. Particularly on a night dive, getting separated is a serious issue. You might as well be diving solo and not too many people want to do the first night dive by themselves. Nor should they...
Instead of focusing on your issues (in other words, don't flog yourself), look at the bigger picture. This dive was planned to be a disaster and you survived. Your actions are reasonable and predictable for a new diver. I can tell you for certain, if I could not find my buddy after about a minute, I would be heading to the surface.
There's a problem with this: even though we are taught to meet at the surface, we have, in effect, abandoned our buddy. Not a good strategy. Unfortunately, there might not be a better one on a no-viz night dive.
The take away is simple: poor planning produces poor performance, period! And this dive wasn't properly planned!
Another object lesson: don't rely on ANYBODY, EVER! Get more training, do more dives and, most important, work to become self-reliant. Although you should always dive with a buddy (well, so they say), be sufficiently capable that it is irrelevant. Listen carefully to the planning brief and think about it. What can go wrong? What was overlooked? It's hard to know these things when you first start out but don't accept that the dive leader has given them a moment's thought. You can see how leaders can fail.
Richard