First of all, congratulations on a learning experience.
I havent read all the posts as thoroughly so bare with me if some of what Im about to say is already mentioned.
Someone did mention that night dives and particularilly the first ones should be in familiar enviroments. It helps a lot to be familiar with the site, although it can change quite a bit during the night.
Planning the first night dive as a free ascent probably was not the best either, it should have been a shore dive or a line ascent.
As far as lost buddies on night dives goes. Although it might seem silly, turn off your light or cover it before looking around. Itll be easier to see a light, glowstick or strobe when you dont have yours on.
You may of course risk that both does it at the same time, so you might want to "go dark" a few seconds to look around, then have your light on so others see you for a while before going dark again.
The ideal is of course to be chained to your buddies, but as you have realized, the world is not a perfect place above or below the surface.
As far as "dont panic" goes, youre right that IS easier said than done, especially considering how the human brain works. If youre going to NOT think of something, your brain will first need to think of what not to think of. Does that make sense?
If someone tell you not to think of a purple tree, your brain will for a split second think of a purple tree wether you want to or not. Think of what you do want instead of what you dont want.
Dont stop breathing or never hold your breath should be always breathe, remember to breathe deep and slow or something similar. Dont panic should be stay calm and so on. Try avoiding negative words like dont and never. It may seem far fetched, but it helps a lot.